Like this girl, but she has a boyfriend

LegacyUser

Hi,

Went on holidays last year and met this girl. We got on really well. As is often the case with women I really hit it off with, it turns out that she has a boyfriend. When we got back home we met up a few times, went for dinner. I went to her house, she came to mine. We were texting and I rang her a couple of times. We ended up having long conversations on the phone, even though I tried to cut them short.

Up to now, nothing untoward has happened, although I don't feel comfortable about the situation.

She never talks about her boyfriend. He lives on the other side of the country, and they rarely see each other. This has happened to me before, and usually the other person starts making a lot of references to their partner, and that's the end of it. With her though, it's like he doesn't exist. She hasn't discouraged me in any way, although I am never going to do anything. If someone cheated on me, I would be devastated, so I am not going to be party to it.

I don't know what to do. I would like to stay friends with her, but it's very hard to be friends with someone if you like them. Should I just cut all contact? If I don't, I think this is all going to go pear shaped...

Wompa1

WonderingWhatToDo wrote: »

Hi,

Went on holidays last year and met this girl. We got on really well. As is often the case with women I really hit it off with, it turns out that she has a boyfriend. When we got back home we met up a few times, went for dinner. I went to her house, she came to mine. We were texting and I rang her a couple of times. We ended up having long conversations on the phone, even though I tried to cut them short.

Up to now, nothing untoward has happened, although I don't feel comfortable about the situation.

She never talks about her boyfriend. He lives on the other side of the country, and they rarely see each other. This has happened to me before, and usually the other person starts making a lot of references to their partner, and that's the end of it. With her though, it's like he doesn't exist. She hasn't discouraged me in any way, although I am never going to do anything. If someone cheated on me, I would be devastated, so I am not going to be party to it.

I don't know what to do. I would like to stay friends with her, but it's very hard to be friends with someone if you like them. Should I just cut all contact? If I don't, I think this is all going to go pear shaped...

Fair play to ya. It's usually the manly thing to throw caution to the wind and screw her. But good for you I'd be the exact same I can't cheat and wouldn't be party to cheating in any way.

I would say either try and fixate yourself on stuff you dislike about her or just cut ties

Wagon

You're her new boyfriend without any of the benefits. Sounds like things are going pear shaped with him, she is looking for some emotional comfort and is getting it from you. But isn't attracted to you enough to break it off with your man and get with you properly.

What will more than likely happen down the line is that she'll break up with him, go off with other blokes and if it all goes wrong, guess who'll be the shoulder to cry on? Hardly an honourable job, you're basically the cleaner.

Cut contact. Tell her like it is and she might understand. And if she doesnt? Who cares! It's hardly a friendship you two have anyway.

Drodan

Wagon wrote: »

You're her new boyfriend without any of the benefits. Sounds like things are going pear shaped with him, she is looking for some emotional comfort and is getting it from you. But isn't attracted to you enough to break it off with your man and get with you properly.

What will more than likely happen down the line is that she'll break up with him, go off with other blokes and if it all goes wrong, guess who'll be the shoulder to cry on? Hardly an honourable job, you're basically the cleaner.

Cut contact. Tell her like it is and she might understand. And if she doesnt? Who cares! It's hardly a friendship you two have anyway.

Can't agree with this enough, spot on.

She's using you mate, emotionally, and you seem like a decent guy (as said above most wouldn't care and would of tried to ride her regardless, fair play for having morals) and don't deserve that.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice everyone... going to put an end to this.