Advice Needed!

blondy555

I met a 34 year old Leo Guy 18 months ago, Im gemini 29 year old.

We hit it off and as we live two hours apart, we met up a few times over a couple of months until he lost his job and moved back to Kerry.At the time he was just out of a two year relationship and i didnt see the point in persuing him seriously although i fancied him like mad.
We were then 5 hours apart and for various reasons we didnt meet up for 7 months, however he rang me twice a week and a great friendship has grown out of it. We talk for an hour or so a few times a week and i love hearing from him. He always rings me, I only ever ring him if i missed his call.

Last week he moved to my area for work and we met up a few nights ago for the first time in 7 months. We stayed together but nothing happened as i wanted to wait. We had a wonderful evening of laughs and kissing and cuddling. I quess I would like advice on where I should go from here as I would love a relationship with this man. I dont want it to fall back to a friendship thing or a collection of one night stands. I dont feel that there is any need to confront him on this yet as i dont want to scare him off, im just wondering if i should play it cool and hold off on sex as much as i want it! Should i go for it and show all my affection and hope i dont get hurt. i would love to hear what other women would do.....

Just Like Heaven

I'd get stuck in, men don't do up a phone bill like that for nothing.

Ickle Magoo

Moved to Relationship Issues... :cool:

poppyvalley

I think you were right not to rush in to sex too soon, but you know him a bit more now and he's obviously very keen on you too. my advice would be...just let it happen spontaneously...you will both know that it's right. Oh! it's soooo romantic please let us know how you get on!

Mind44

He's Leo and you're Gemini? I'm stumped! What has that got to do with anything???

blondy555

Ha Ha, Im new here sorry Mod...

Yes it sounds romantic. My friends would say its weird and if he had feelings for me, he would of moved mountains to see me in the seven months but i feel i was as much to blame for not meeting.
The other thing that bothers me is every single time he is leaving me or hanging up he sayings chat you sometime, it drives me silly cos he always makes contact but its like hes saying, dont make presumptions that we are together now. Maybe thats just me! He always asks me if i met anyone after ive been out or says something like, oh hed be an ideal man for you etc, i dont know if he is testing me or he is generally detatched from the idea of me being his girlfriend!!

Mind44

blondy555 wrote: »

My friends would say its weird and if he had feelings for me, he would of moved mountains to see me in the seven months

You need new friends. He's been working. He's the one keeping up the contact for god's sake. He doesn't want to come on too heavy. I admire that!

every single time he is leaving me or hanging up he sayings chat you sometime, it drives me silly cos he always makes contact but its like hes saying, dont make presumptions that we are together now. Maybe thats just me! He always asks me if i met anyone after ive been out or says something like, oh hed be an ideal man for you etc, i dont know if he is testing me

Yes, he's testing you. He's trying to save face here. You said yourself you never ring him unless there's a missed call. The poor guy is wondering why you're not reaching out and doing some of the contact. There's no rush with sex, don't worry about that, but jeez throw the guy a crumb. Call him once or twice!

Firetrap

Yeah, what's with the not calling him? Sounds to me like he's doing a lot of chasing. Best thing to do is make a better effort to contact him yourself, spend more time together and see what happens from there.

TheKid

go for it full trottle if you feel its right for you.

blondy555

Its been three nights and i havent heard from him, i rang him yesterday and i got his message minder, i didnt leave a message but i havent heard back from him

S23

Ring him again so. If you want to speak to him then make the effort. Honestly it's not rocket science

blondy555

surely hed call me back if he is interested in me ?

S23

Surely you'd call him back if you're interested? He's spent 7 months calling you consistently and you admit you've never bothered. He persisted. You've rang him once and you're not bothered doing it again. Honestly do you not get it at all?

blondy555

i just dont want to be chasing him

i asked him to meet up in the seven months a few times and he put it off, i threw a hissy fit a few times n said theres no point in us chatting every five minutes if hes not gonna see me, he kept saying ah we must get together soon and wouldnt stop ringing me. I kept answering cos i like him. Now we finally do meet up and have the best night ever and i dont hear from him after?

No tbh- I dont get it!!!

S23

That's right you don't. You didn't ring him once in 7 months. He lived a vast distance away. You threw hissy fits at him. He persisted. He rang you regularly and spoke to you at length.

He met you when he moved to new surroundings. You had a nice time. You ring him once. Just once. You don't get an immediate response and you don't want to ring him again because you don't want to be 'chasing him'.

Who knows how this lad feels after meeting you in person. I don't. You won't know if you don't ring him. Maybe he'll ring you. Maybe he won't. Maybe he's just busy having moved back to town.

If you don't want to ring him fine but no one here is a mind reader so don't expect anybody to be able tell you what he's thinking

blondy555

i know ye are not, my head is just wrecked!!!!

i rang him loads but it was returning his calls and anyway he rang me so frequent that i didnt get the chance to ring him half the time

LittleBook

Let me get this straight ...

You dated this guy for two months, then he lost his job and moved back home which left you two 5 hours apart.

For various reasons (one of which I presume is the fact that he was unemployed so probably had little money and possibly his self esteem may have suffered) you didn't meet up for seven months.

But he still made sure to call you twice a week with no encouragement from you whatsoever (even though you "fancied him like mad") and in spite of your occasional "hissy fits".

Then he manages to get a job in your area (coincidence?) and moves nearby you.

So you've known this guy for nearly a year, you say you're crazy about him and would love to have a relationship. When you finally meet him again, you have a wonderful evening of laughs and kissing and cuddling.

But you want to play it cool, hold off on the sex in spite of the fact you "want it!" and are now wondering how long you should wait for him to call you. You called him but you didn't leave a message so he, presumably, doesn't know you did.

I sincerely apologise if I've misunderstood anything and I understand people are afraid of getting hurt, but if you really like this guy then you'll be lucky to hang on to him after all this messing.

I can see why your head is wrecked because your friends are talking out of their arses and confusing the issue.

But if you want to speak with him call him, this guy's done enough in my opinion. The ball's completely in your court.

Wompa1

To be honest with you OP you sound like a head wreck yourself. The whole star sign thing and starting numerous posts about this stinks of desperation! I'd imagine as you've said you haven't contacted him bar the one call so he probably doesn't know how desperate you are which is good. Why not call him again and this time if you get his voice mail leave a message. If he doesn't respond then he isn't into you.

Firetrap

OP, from reading more of what you posted, I feel you really need to take a very long hard look at yourself and your behaviour. From what I can see, the guy really did try hard to stay in touch with you and would appear to be very keen. Yet at almost every opportunity you threw it back in his face with all this stupid game playing. What are you? A 14 year old schoolgirl?

If you do manage to get talking to this guy and he does seem to be still keen on pursuing a relationship with you, here's a radical suggestion. Why not behave like a mature adult for a change and treat him with respect. Stop all this rubbish about not wanting it to look like you're chasing him or blowing hot and cold. And if it turns out that he's not interested, take it as a life lesson and don't treat the next guy like that.

mood

Mind44 wrote: »

He's Leo and you're Gemini? I'm stumped! What has that got to do with anything???

+1

Your star signs are totally irrelevant.

You have to bear in mine that the guy is settling into a new job after being out of work for quite a while. This can be very hard and tiring and could take him a month or two to adjust. Maybe he was just too tired to chat for a hour.

Wait another day or two then ring again. Why not?

MaxPower89

OP, did you say you were 29? Sounds more 29 going on 19. Stop behaving like you are, and you might get the relationship off the ground before you ruin it. The guy sounds interested, why else would he keep in contact with you for the last few months, when you never rang him once? Im surprised he kept in contact with you all that time, if I was him then I would of given up.

He seems to be doing all the 'chasing' as you put it.

Just give him a ring/leave a message and ask him would he like to go for a few drinks/bit of lunch/walk on the beach/go for a drive...or just plain ask him if he is interested in a relationship.

He is 34 and I would doubt he likes all this 'smoke and mirrors' carry on.

Best of luck with it.