Is it over?

allovertheshop

hi all, just looking for your views on a situation i find myself in at the moment.

6 months ago a new guy joined the organisation that i work for. instantly there was a connection between us... we really hit it off. i went home after day one and rang my girlfriends to tell them about the hot newbie. it was obviously mutual as i heard back from a few of the lads in work that after day one, newbie was asking about me too.

because we work together, regardless of the obvious attraction, i put up the barriers. not that there's a work policy but i just don't like my business being everywhere in work, i'm a private person. Plus ther was a bit of an age gap, he is 27 and i'm 33. So nothing happened for the first 3 months, until a work night out, we got seperated from from the work crowd in the nightclub and ended up kissing.

That was the start of it all...we couldn't keep away from each other, if we weren't with each other, we were texting or on the phone.we were inseperable and he constantly told me about how he knew we'd end up together.

1 month later, he got let go from my organisation and is now unemployed. up until christmas, everything was okay with us but since then he's practicaly stopped callin or texting. I've only managed to meet up with him twice because he's refusing to go out because he's broke, even for night's out that we've both known beforehand would be freebie events. I get invited to a lot of freebie events through work and have asked him to accompany me but he's been refusing. He says he got no credit, hence the no calls or text.

I hinted that maybe he was getting fed up and wanted to end things and he got really angry and told me if he wanted to end things he just do it. I know it's been tough for him being out of work and i've tried to suggest nights in instead of going out but he's just blanked me.

I don't know what to do. To me it feels like he's trying to phase things out between us but i'm afraid to say it to him again and start another fight.

what should i do?

Monkey Allen

I think its ultimatum time.

Jaxxy

Hi OP,

One way or another you're going to have to talk to him about this. You'll drive yourself up the wall not knowing otherwise.

It is true, and you have mentioned it yourself, that it is tough being out of work. Unemployment can affect people in different ways. It can make people withdrawn, anti-social and irritable in some cases. I would think the Christmas period would be especially difficult for anyone out of work. He was probably broke, unable to socialise with friends and family as a result, unable to buy them or you gifts. This is definitely something worth bearing in mind when you do broach the subject of his lack of contact or unwillingness to do anything with you.

It is possible that he is backing off and does want to cool relations with you, but his tetchy response to you when you pulled him up on this behaviour suggests to me that there is something else going on.

Why not suggest another night in. Give him a call, don't give him the opportunity to blank your texts. You need to know where you stand, whether it's to find out that he's not interested anymore or if it's a case that his distance is a result of his recent unemployment. Best of luck, I know how frustrating this type of situation can be.

Kimia

I think he could be embarrassed that he got let go and you still work at your company. I'm sure he doesn't want to go out to all those freebie events because he doesn't want to be the subject of gossip 'Oh didn't he get let go?' etc. He's just licking his wounds I'd say. I would suggest nights out (or nights in!!) that don't involve his former work crew or venues - he wants to avoid the 'scene' obviously.

Wompa1

Sounds like he's down in the dumps about being let go. He is obviously stubborn and prod. Maybe dance around it a little if you don't want things to end. Ask him if he's ok but try not to sound like a pity parade or patronising.

LegacyUser

Maybe he's too embarrassed to go to the events because everyone there will know he was let go from his job? He'll be meeting people he used to work with. From what you've said, it sounds like he's taking the loss of his job badly.
Let him know that you're there for him, but that you also think he should be getting out and about for his own good. If he refuses, tell him you can't hang around waiting for him to snap out of it. You're only going out with him five/six months, you barely know each other. If he wants to stay indoors that's his business, but he can't expect you to hang around waiting for him.

allovertheshop

thanks guys for the replies, it's given me some food for thought.

really wish that these things were easier:(...but hey, where'd the fun be in that?