all friends are suddenly coupled up....feel so down and lonely

LegacyUser

hey, so I'm sure this topic has been covered before but today I just feel like I'm at breaking point and would love some advice. I'm female and 23 to start with, just finished a masters. In the last few months a lot of my friends have started what have now become serious relationships and are very coupled up. Yesterday, one of my good friends rang me and told me that a guy she met twice and her have started going out and it sounds serious albeit very soon to be serious and it just really gave me a shock, so much so that I burst into tears this morning. Now, I know that this is totally stupid but I just feel so worthless and alone, like the last singleton standing even though there is another two in the group. It's not like all my friends are coupled, I have a good few that are abroad in Asia and the Middle East and they are all single so I just feel like I'm surrounded my couples. I'm a pretty girl with good career prospects and lots of friends so don't know what is wrong with me...well I do, I'm a bit overweight and that would obviously put a lot of guys off but hasn't before but am working on losing the weight at the moment anyway. I just don't know what to do, just feel like such a left out loser to be honest and have even got the odd look of pity from one of the smug-coupled girls! Sorry for the long post but any advice at all or comments would really be appreciated, just feel so bloody down about it!

Princess Peach

songbird87 wrote: »

hey, so I'm sure this topic has been covered before but today I just feel like I'm at breaking point and would love some advice. I'm female and 23 to start with, just finished a masters. In the last few months a lot of my friends have started what have now become serious relationships and are very coupled up. Yesterday, one of my good friends rang me and told me that a guy she met twice and her have started going out and it sounds serious albeit very soon to be serious and it just really gave me a shock, so much so that I burst into tears this morning. Now, I know that this is totally stupid but I just feel so worthless and alone, like the last singleton standing even though there is another two in the group. It's not like all my friends are coupled, I have a good few that are abroad in Asia and the Middle East and they are all single so I just feel like I'm surrounded my couples. I'm a pretty girl with good career prospects and lots of friends so don't know what is wrong with me...well I do, I'm a bit overweight and that would obviously put a lot of guys off but hasn't before but am working on losing the weight at the moment anyway. I just don't know what to do, just feel like such a left out loser to be honest and have even got the odd look of pity from one of the smug-coupled girls! Sorry for the long post but any advice at all or comments would really be appreciated, just feel so bloody down about it!

You could be my twin! Same age, I have a degree too, same issues!

Like you said, not all of your friends are coupled up. Try and spend time talking to these friends, I find they are a lot more sympathetic than friends who have boyfriends. I realised recently that I never talk to my friends in a couple about boy problems, I just feel a lot better telling single friends, even if it is just by email! I had some issues about my ex boyfriend recently, and one friend was really supportive, except then she abandoned me the next night cause her boyfriend was down for the night :rolleyes:

I get pretty down and lonely too being single. Just try and spend as much time with friends, or even just talking to people online. And I know its easier said than done, but try not to get annoyed when they talk about their boyfriends! They really don't mean to be smug or malicious, I think it just comes out of them without thinking about your feelings.

And don't lose weight for boys, do it for yourself! Good luck!

Zen65

songbird87 wrote: »

Now, I know that this is totally stupid but I just feel so worthless and alone, like the last singleton standing even though there is another two in the group.

Whoa!

I'm not sure you've really grasped just how stupid that thought is.

So you've pursued the academic route to the point where you now have a Masters Degree, and yet you are judging yourself on the basis of whether or not you have a boyfriend?? At 23??

Perhaps this sort of thinking has its roots in your upbringing, in some strange family or village values where a woman was only deemed to be of value if she could get herself a man?

Please forgive my incredulity, but I'm fairly sure that you know better than this. I'm confident that you understand that there is no imperative to be attached at such a young age.

In comparing yourself to your friends, are you sure that you are comparing apples with apples? Are these friends also people who have spent so many years developing themselves through third level studies? Perhaps these friends have finished their studies some time ago and are already a couple of years ahead of you in their working lives? Perhaps they've already travelled to see the world, of have never had that ambition?

My advice to you is to get out and see the world. Your attached friends who marry (or otherwise settle with partners) young may yet spend most of their lives regretting that they did not do so. At 23 you should in no way be under any pressure, socially or biologically, to find your mate and settle down. Maybe you'll need to find some more friends along the journey, without having to lose contact with your existing friends.


Be at peace,

Z

John400

OP, if you consider yourself to be a 'bit overweight', so what?

A lot of guys like the personality of the individual girl before anything else.