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GF doesn't seem to like sex

  • 09-01-2011 5:12am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey,

    Not sure If I can post this here but I'm having troubles with the GF. She was a virgin before she met met but she never seems to enjoy anything we do sexually. It's like it's a chore she has to do to keep me happy. Obviously, this reduces my enjoyment if she plainly doesn't give a ****.

    Anything out of the ordinary sends her in a tailspin.
    Like I followed her into the living room one day and started feeling her and slowly bent her over the couch, just messing around really and doing whatever came into my head. She lost it and asked me what I was doing. Then after I told her, 5 mins later she said I could do it. Obviously the moment had passed.

    Any ideas to help make her relax more?

    Thanks.
    Mods please let this thread through, I don't know where else to look for advice


Comments

  • #2
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Have you asked her what turns her on or what she'd like?


  • #3
    peoplepie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭peoplepie


    Firstly. Find out what contraception she is on. I wasn't a virgin and had a very high sex drive before i met my last boyfriend. It was my first relationship so i went on the depo provera which is an injection. Killed my sex drive stone dead. This doesn't happen to everyone but it happened to me. I dreaded sex and didn't know what was wrong with me. After we broke up and i came off the depo my sex drive came back. Took a few months though.


    Secondly. Stop thinking about yourself. She must really like you if she is going through the motions to keep you happy. Sit down and talk to her and listen. make a plan not to have intercourse for a set time maybe 3 weeks and spend sometime exploring other methods of pleasure. Sounds like she needs to learn what turns her on. Spend some time just cuddling and talking and build up from there. you need to learn to watch her body language. Watch how she reacts when you do certain things. Does her breathing deepen (good sign) does she hold her breath (not so good). Be there for her for a change.


  • #4
    SheRa
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,628 ✭✭✭SheRa


    gf_troubles wrote: »
    Hey,

    Not sure If I can post this here but I'm having troubles with the GF. She was a virgin before she met met but she never seems to enjoy anything we do sexually. It's like it's a chore she has to do to keep me happy. Obviously, this reduces my enjoyment if she plainly doesn't give a ****.

    Anything out of the ordinary sends her in a tailspin.
    Like I followed her into the living room one day and started feeling her and slowly bent her over the couch, just messing around really and doing whatever came into my head. She lost it and asked me what I was doing. Then after I told her, 5 mins later she said I could do it. Obviously the moment had passed.

    Any ideas to help make her relax more?

    Thanks.
    Mods please let this thread through, I don't know where else to look for advice

    Ok theres a few issues here.

    Firstly I dont think that this relates to her sex drive (or in turn her contraception). Maybe she simply got a fright when you followed her into the living room, started groping her then bent her over.

    Maybe she's nervous about sex, maybe the first time hurt and she has negative associations about it or maybe she was abused.

    My point is that this is not about you "getting her to relax". You need to have a chat with her over a cuppa, away from the bedrooom (very important) and talk to her about and ask what you can do to help (and I mean in a non sexual way).


  • #5
    whatsamsn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 911 ✭✭✭whatsamsn


    All you can do is try to work her up a bit more.

    When alot of girls loose their virginity they can be fridgits when it comes to sex. Not willing to try something they might actually enjoy. Even little things such as positions or certain foreplay.

    Subtly work new things in. From the sounds of it if you just ask her to try something new she'll say no. Or if you try something really "different" it'll be the same reaction. So subtleness is the way to go forward.


  • #6
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    You definetly just need to talk to her!

    I was on a medication before that killed my sex drive for a few months.

    Also I remember when I first lost my virginity, and I had all these different thoughts in my head about what kind of behaviour was "right and wrong" in the bedroom, what kind of things a "respectable" girl should do, if that makes sense :P I didn't know what way to act that was the norm, maybe she thinks you bending her over in the living room is you disrespecting her? Could just be the way she thinks. You have to keep in mind that this is all new to her! And also it might be taking her a while to figure out for herself what works for her in sex, and what she enjoys.

    Just talk to her about it, say that you noticed she doesn't seem to be enjoying herself much and that you want her to open up more about what things you can do that make her feel better, or you want her to tell you if your doing anything wrong.


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