Just don't care =/

LegacyUser

So, like the thread title says, but I will of course go into more detail. I'm a 19 year old guy living at home with my mother, nearly 20, and I just don't really care about "people" that much. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends, but I haven't made a friend in my whole life. I feel like the handful of best friends I have now have to talk to me since I know them so long. No one else has really took my attention, I'm not really bothered, nor do I care if people really are. Now I don't want you to think this is the "angry teenager" talking. I'm being real honest. Even when I go out at night, I really don't care about girls. For a guy of my age, you'd think I'd be the opposite, I'd rather be alone and just relax with a drink or something. It just doesn't appeal to me. When I see people I know when I'm out I usually ignore them or try and avoid them. I don't like talking to people. I'm not just oppressing feelings of attraction or whatever, I, for some reason, just don't care or feel like I could possibly or need to make a connection with anyone

But then at times I think I'm a human exception and feel like a total freak. I like being alone. I spend 99% of my time on my own. Parents are divorced. My daily routine is the same every day. I wake up in the morning and go to visit my Dad (he lives just 20 minutes away). I spend my evening with him till about 7ish, then I go home. When I go home I eat my dinner and then I go upstairs and go to bed, or go online for a bit, or watch TV. Then repeat. But the thing is I don't really think I want to change. I feel like a total outcast at times with no prospects at all for the future, but sometimes I like it because I have my life of solitude. I don't really know what to think

The only thing that ever upsets me is thinking about when my family die and my friends, 'cause then I will be sad. I know I will probably never have another human connection other than that in my life. Sometimes when I am alone I have actually contemplated ending my own life when I lose the ones I love. But at the same time it's ironic because I usually take them for granted. I just don't know how I should feel if you get me. Sometimes my mother and father tell me they love me (rarely, because I know it), when they do, I never answer them because I don't like talking about that soft stuff. I'm real bad with it.

But sometimes when I'm angry or alone, my feelings manifest into evil thoughts. Sometimes I really just couldn't be bothered with false people and I really do think about hurting them. But just before I do I realise it's not worth it. I don't feel any remorse or any kind of wrongness to it, I just don't like people today, they don't seem worth my time or whatever. I'd rather be alone but yet I wouldn't?

So my question is really what do you think, yes I know I'm a total freak and don't deserve what I have but I want to know what people think, I'm kind of fed up to be honest, sometimes I think I have problems but then I feel it's how I'm made being thought.

JuliusCaesar

You may be happy enough with your life most of the time, but you know in your heart that it's going nowhere and that's the bit that's making you unhappy. It seems that you are living an easy life, avoiding all the difficult bits that make life exciting, scarey, unpredictable.

The right thing to do is usually the hardest thing (said Michael Caine in The Weather Man). If you take a chance on life, you have the possibility of great reward; if you keep it safe, well it'll be boring. Taking a chance is scary, because you cannot know for sure what the outcome will be.

18AD

theaterofdreams wrote: »

I just don't like people today, they don't seem worth my time or whatever. I'd rather be alone but yet I wouldn't?

You haven't met everyone. The only way to find out if there are people you like is to meet new people. It's fine if you dislike a lot of people. It's nothing personal but some people just don't gel.

Who would be worth your time? What does that mean? There's a hint of high and mighty here to be honest.

It sounds to me like you don't want to be alone, otherwise you wouldn't have a problem.
Are you just rationalising the fact that you don't have friends you like by saying that you don't actually want friends?

So my question is really what do you think, yes I know I'm a total freak and don't deserve what I have but I want to know what people think, I'm kind of fed up to be honest, sometimes I think I have problems but then I feel it's how I'm made being thought.

Everyone is a total freak and everyone has problems. No one deserves anything, because life doesn't work on the basis of what one "deserves". Stuff just happens. But you might meet some nice people who'll be nice to you and you to them, just to make things a bit easier or fun.

Try something new or you'll never know if things could have been better.

Fittle

What kind of a relationship do you have with your folks OP?

I ask because our relationships with our parents from childhood, have a tendancy to continue throughout our lives - for example, if one of them rejects you, you have a feeling of rejection, if one of them is abusive, you accept abuse from others (I'm not saying this is the case in your situation OP), so I'd be interested to hear how you get with them/how they treat you etc?

LegacyUser

Fittle wrote: »

What kind of a relationship do you have with your folks OP?

I ask because our relationships with our parents from childhood, have a tendancy to continue throughout our lives - for example, if one of them rejects you, you have a feeling of rejection, if one of them is abusive, you accept abuse from others (I'm not saying this is the case in your situation OP), so I'd be interested to hear how you get with them/how they treat you etc?

I get on with them, but it took quite a long time. My parents were divorced when I was 7 and before that it was quite a bad relationship with recurring bouts of domestic violence, which at a young age I was exposed too. Since then my dad has lived away and my parents never really got along. My siblings were in two minds about our parents but I was the only child who used to speak to both of my parents. In that way I was kind of different growing up. I used to realise I was treated differently because of it and usually found myself in the throes of arguments between my parents, which side to take, just always being the force at the centre if you get me. Now I'm older I'm kind of "whatever" about it, but still, it's there. Just don't care/mind anymore.

I don't know if that answers your question but it is the best I can do

You're in a comfort zone, I know because I'm in a similar situation myself. My family are very close to me but unlike you my parents are still together. I have on occasion wondered what position I'll be in when they're gone and I wouldn't want it to remain this way.

During the week I do very little other than eat, sleep, work and go online. At the weekend I usually visit family members or else just sit in. It's a fairly isolated life, locking myself away. Never left the country or been in a relationship.

It's easier and cosy to just continue the cycle but I know it won't get me anywhere. I do admit to taking the easy options, I'm very afraid to make decisions for myself and usually seek approval from family before jumping into anything big.

I guess it's about breaking the comfort zone and finding an outlet.

LegacyUser

Hi mate, I am exactly what you just described in your post. I am 19, no REAL friends and I close myself off from the world (party tomorrow I just don't wanna bother socializing so i won't go) I love being on my own and even in work I would rather work than talk to customers or other staff members. It is a comfortable little existance I suppose the only thing missing out of my life is a sex as far as i'm concerned.. Which to be fair is the only human contact i'd be intrested in having..

up for anything

theaterofdreams wrote: »

But sometimes when I'm angry or alone, my feelings manifest into evil thoughts. Sometimes I really just couldn't be bothered with false people and I really do think about hurting them. But just before I do I realise it's not worth it. I don't feel any remorse or any kind of wrongness to it, I just don't like people today, they don't seem worth my time or whatever. I'd rather be alone but yet I wouldn't?

Do you mean just before you start thinking about hurting them or just before you actually do start hurting them? Do you mean actually hurting them physically or emotionally/mentally?

Have you considered going for any form of counselling? It might help you to voice these ideas and opinions to somebody else and get some insight into why you feel like this.

So my question is really what do you think, yes I know I'm a total freak and don't deserve what I have but I want to know what people think, I'm kind of fed up to be honest, sometimes I think I have problems but then I feel it's how I'm made being thought.

I don't get what you mean when you say that. Is it that family/friends are telling you that you have problems or is it something that you are thinking because society is built on relationships and you don't feel the need for them.

You ask what do we really think. Being honest and without knowing how long you have felt like this (whether your whole life or was there a trigger other than the breakdown and fallout of your parents' marriage) I think you do have a problem of some sort. It is not normal to think about hurting people and not feel any wrongness about it whatever about remorse.

LegacyUser

Hey op I know exacily what you mean, Im 21 and recently relised that I have been living in a comfy little routien for all these years. My day usually consists of going to collage, comming home and just going online or listen to music or something untill I go to bed. Ive never had any kind of relationship, no experience at all really. I do the exact same thing you do when im out at night just drink away and only really talk to my friends, just have no interest in aproaching girls especially in a night club setting. I usually dont have much to say either which seem to bother people. I get the feeling that a lot of my friends are really getting sick of me at this stage and I dont blame them. I thend to avoid a lot of social ocasions and when I do attend I dont it usually dosent go too well. Think Im the master of making bad first inperesions. Sorry for rambling, I did a lot of think lately about why I am the way I am and I know theres something definitally wrong. Ive been considering moving away to a different city where I know no one as it will make me get out of my confort zone, dont know if I will just a idea at the moment, maybe you could consider something like that op.

Best of luck

samehere1

samehere1 wrote: »

Ive been considering moving away to a different city where I know no one as it will make me get out of my confort zone, dont know if I will just a idea at the moment, maybe you could consider something like that op.

This doesn't necessarily work, it didn't for me. I was living in Kerry and where I was living I felt isolated from the outside world. Moved to Dublin and I took my habits with me - even though I'm no longer physically isolated I still lock myself away. I do know some family here but don't have any real friends in this neck of the woods.

LegacyUser

samehere1 wrote: »

Hey op I know exacily what you mean, Im 21 and recently relised that I have been living in a comfy little routien for all these years. My day usually consists of going to collage, comming home and just going online or listen to music or something untill I go to bed. Ive never had any kind of relationship, no experience at all really. I do the exact same thing you do when im out at night just drink away and only really talk to my friends, just have no interest in aproaching girls especially in a night club setting. I usually dont have much to say either which seem to bother people. I get the feeling that a lot of my friends are really getting sick of me at this stage and I dont blame them. I thend to avoid a lot of social ocasions and when I do attend I dont it usually dosent go too well. Think Im the master of making bad first inperesions. Sorry for rambling, I did a lot of think lately about why I am the way I am and I know theres something definitally wrong. Ive been considering moving away to a different city where I know no one as it will make me get out of my confort zone, dont know if I will just a idea at the moment, maybe you could consider something like that op.

Best of luck

Have to agree with the above post, moving away will not resolve these problems more than likely they will just happen again. If you feel you have a problem or something is not right go get help, advice, counseling, people here are not qualified to help you or diagnose any potential problems. It may be difficult to go out and seek help but it can make a huge positive impact on your life.

TheNewMee

Karsini wrote: »

This doesn't necessarily work, it didn't for me. I was living in Kerry and where I was living I felt isolated from the outside world. Moved to Dublin and I took my habits with me - even though I'm no longer physically isolated I still lock myself away. I do know some family here but don't have any real friends in this neck of the woods.

I'm considering doing something along these lines as well (moving to somewhere new to get out of comfort zone) but I'm doing it with the intention of changing a lot of those habits that I have at the moment - ie making sure I get out doing new things and meeting new people wherever I move to rather than just transplanting my life to a different location. Hopefully that kind of thing can work!