How to let him down gently...

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Totally clueless mid 20s female here looking for some dating (or not dating) advice.

A month or two ago I met a guy while out and swapped numbers. He texted, we went out on a date about a week later. Long story short, we ended up in bed together and it has happened a few times since.
All that time I was unsure about how I felt about him, but slept with him, at the risk of sounding crude, because I was horny. It's been a fcuk buddy situation of sorts and after sleeping with him the last time, I've decided I'm not really into him. We have little in common and my attraction to him is not really that strong. However, he seems to feel the opposite...
The texting has slowed down and I thought he had moved on. Last text I sent was a curt response to his New Years text, I simply said 'same to you, hope 2011 is a good one for you.'
Today however, I got another text from him asking me out again. I really don't want to lead this guy on but am not interested in seeing him again. I guess I'm not used to dating really, so am a bit clueless when it comes to this sort of thing...but I want to do the right thing and don't want to hurt him. What should I say to him? If you're a guy, how would you prefer a girl to convey this sort of message?
Any advice is appreciated! Thanks!

mrpink6789

Just be straight with him. tell him you are sorry but you are not ready for a relationship right now so you have to politely refuse another date with him. We'd prefer to hear it then hear nothing at all.

John400

clueless111 wrote: »

It's been a fcuk buddy situation of sorts

Today however, I got another text from him asking me out again. I really don't want to lead this guy on but am not interested in seeing him again.

Just a personal view here but haven't you more than lead this guy on by sleeping with him in the first place?

As the relationship has already got the physical/sexual element to it isn't it not surprising that he wants to go on another date?

What's unexpected about that due to the circumstances that you've already described?

LegacyUser

John400 wrote: »

Just a personal view here but haven't you more than lead this guy on by sleeping with him in the first place?

As the relationship has already got the physical/sexual element to it isn't it not surprising that he wants to go on another date?

What's unexpected about that due to the circumstances that you've already described?

Yeah fair point, maybe I have. But it's not that his interest is unexpected, it's that I don't know how exactly to set him straight on the fact that I want neither a sexual thing or a full-blown relationship with him anymore. I can't help my feelings, or lack of. I simply don't fancy the guy anymore.

Anyway I guess I'm just going to have to get over myself and be honest with him. Thanks for the advice guys.

dub_3

Phone him rather than texting. Say you don't think you have much in common, and you don't feel as attracted to him anymore, so you think it's best to end the relationship. Wish him all the best finding someone new in 2011.

Basically the truth, but giving the 'relationship' a bit more dignity than calling it a fcuk buddy situation.

MrMojoRising

Just send a text to him thanking him for being in contact, but you just aren't into having a relationship right now. tell him he was a nice guy and all that, but you're just not in that place right now. trust me, he'll get the message, albeit in a nice way. its the best way to do it imo. good luck op

FoxT

phone him. If you text him , you'll get a phone call anyway. roleplay it beforehand, rehearse exactly what you want to say...

I am a friend

I would just say you have had a nice time together but are not interested in meeting up again.

TBH, as he has not been in touch that much I suspect he will be fine and looks to have seen the 'relationship' the same way as you.

Josh_Calvert

in fairness just ask him if he wants a specifically ****-buddy relationship where he doesn't have to pretend to care about you and you don't have to care about him? Win-win.Doesn't sound like he's doing anything more than keeping a good thing going.

If you really don't even want to fb with him.Just say you enjoyed the sex but now you're in a different headspace and that it's done.

All guys appreciate truth and clear communication.

John400

Josh_Calvert wrote: »

in fairness just ask him if he wants a specifically ****-buddy relationship

Just on the above, dub3 is correct.

If you're in contact with him give the relationship some dignity rather than calling it the above.

As i said previously, if you were willing to sleep with the guy in the first place then the danger was always there that this sort of situation was going to materalise eventually.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the advice.

I went with Josh's line and texted him last night saying 'we have fun together but I'm not really in that head space anymore. I think you're a great guy but I'm not looking for anything further. Let's just cherish the memories, shall we?'

Got a reply about 40 mins later...'of course. Cheers'.

So yeah. Feel a bit bad but ultimately glad that I was at least honest with the guy. I think I'd appreciate the same courtesy. Thanks again guys.