Date this week. Some female advice needed

LegacyUser

okay, I'm going to go unreg for this, as I post on lots of other forums here, so don't want to give my ID away.

So, I'm going on a date this week, but I am kind of worried about how it will turn out. She kind of suggested meeting up (I was hoping I would be able to meet her again), so it's not like I had to do any very hard work to arrange it, which is a good sign I suppose.

However, I feel the problems will start when I start to fill her in on the last 12 years of so of my life. I'm in my early 30s.
I recently started doing work for myself, and so far, it's going slowly, not great, though I didn't expect work to be flying in, it will take time. So she might think I am just @rsing about.
She is of a similar age, seems to have a steady job, house, dog etc etc.
My analysis pretty much tells me everything I have done since leaving uni the first time around has gone @rse over tit. I went abroad, it didn't really work out as planned. I came back, did a post grad, and when I finished, jobs in the field I did the post grad in dried up, and it would be pretty much hard to get something in it now.

I was then going out with someone and that went tits up as well. Then I was working for a company where it was ok initially, but there was zero room for progression, so I thought I'd plough my own furrow, and make my own way, which is where I am today.

I have also considered applying for a masters in Sept 2011.

Now , if I told her all this, she will think I'm just a mess. I mean, this year my main worry will be breaking even financially, about trying to make some small headway in what I am doing for work. I would imagine the last person she wants to meet in her 30s is someone in my position. I'm pretty much where I was when I was 24, it's like I still haven't moved on or progressed.

I don't know what she will think, maybe it won't bother her, maybe it will. I would imagine a woman in their 30s wants someone who has their career sorted, and has no worries. I don't know. I feel that any woman I am likely to meet will think the same thing.

Saying that, I'm going to meet up, and see how it goes. I met her already, and I'm sure this week will probably be fine, having a laugh etc etc. But when she scratches the surface and finds out about the way my life really is, I feel that will be that, and I'll just have to accept it until I am sorted....

I wouldn't be the most confident, even though I tend to get approached by women. I just always prefer not to commit to anyone so don't tend to meet up with them, as I think "I'll wait till my life is sorted before I get involved with anyone"

Any thoughts or opinions, especially from women....

LegacyUser

arrgh, mods, I made a mess of the title. Can you change it?

The title should be "Date this week. Some female advice needed"

Jenneke87

ohnowhattodo wrote: »

okay, I'm going to go unreg for this, as I post on lots of other forums here, so don't want to give my ID away.

So, I'm going on a date this week, but I am kind of worried about how it will turn out. She kind of suggested meeting up (I was hoping I would be able to meet her again), so it's not like I had to do any very hard work to arrange it, which is a good sign I suppose.

However, I feel the problems will start when I start to fill her in on the last 12 years of so of my life. I'm in my early 30s.
I recently started doing work for myself, and so far, it's going slowly, not great, though I didn't expect work to be flying in, it will take time. So she might think I am just @rsing about.

IMO anyone with an ounce for brains knows that it's difficult being self employed at this time. The way I would look at it, is instead of being on the dole waiting to get back in employment, you took matters in your own hand and started doing something yourself.

ohnowhattodo wrote: »

She is of a similar age, seems to have a steady job, house, dog etc etc.
My analysis pretty much tells me everything I have done since leaving uni the first time around has gone @rse over tit. I went abroad, it didn't really work out as planned. I came back, did a post grad, and when I finished, jobs in the field I did the post grad in dried up, and it would be pretty much hard to get something in it now.

**** happens but you tried to make the best of it. You didn't just lazed around or something, you got back into college and got a degree, if jobs in that area of work dried up it's no fun but that's out of your hands. If she were to think you're arsing around because of that I'd question her common sense tbh.

ohnowhattodo wrote: »

I was then going out with someone and that went tits up as well. Then I was working for a company where it was ok initially, but there was zero room for progression, so I thought I'd plough my own furrow, and make my own way, which is where I am today.

I have also considered applying for a masters in Sept 2011.

Now , if I told her all this, she will think I'm just a mess. I mean, this year my main worry will be breaking even financially, about trying to make some small headway in what I am doing for work. I would imagine the last person she wants to meet in her 30s is someone in my position. I'm pretty much where I was when I was 24, it's like I still haven't moved on or progressed.

You're filling in what she's thinking. Why would she not want to be with someone who tried to make the best of things. The fact that she seems to have "a steady life" doesnt make yours any less or better. She may think her "steady"life is plain boring and for all you know she may be admiring you for working for yourself despite the current economy. I would not let a man go over all this, but that's me..

ohnowhattodo wrote: »

I don't know what she will think, maybe it won't bother her, maybe it will. I would imagine a woman in their 30s wants someone who has their career sorted, and has no worries. I don't know. I feel that any woman I am likely to meet will think the same thing.

I'd like to think us women are looking for a men who genuinely loves and cares for us and who is there when we need them to be, not an ATM machine with his career sorted.

Saying that, I'm going to meet up, and see how it goes. I met her already, and I'm sure this week will probably be fine, having a laugh etc etc. But when she scratches the surface and finds out about the way my life really is, I feel that will be that, and I'll just have to accept it until I am sorted....

ohnowhattodo wrote: »

I wouldn't be the most confident, even though I tend to get approached by women. I just always prefer not to commit to anyone so don't tend to meet up with them, as I think "I'll wait till my life is sorted before I get involved with anyone"

Any thoughts or opinions, especially from women....

If you're gonna do that you might be waiting a long time. When is one's life ever truely sorted, and if so, for how long? Please give her a chance and yourself as well

Ickle Magoo

You are waaaaaaaaaaaaay over thinking it. It's a date. You might not get on, she might be a complete nightmare.

There is no need to go into detail and make it sound like you have been a failure to date - you've travelled and you've set up your own business. That's takes guts and a sense of adventure, I think those are attractive traits in a man.

See how the date pans out and let more details out as you get to know her better. If she thinks less of you for the experiences you've had and choices you've made that contributed to making you the man you are today - then she isn't the right woman for you anyway.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Cheers for the replies. I think that's what I'll do, play my cards close to the chest and see how it goes.

Mods, arrrgh, sorry again, I was so anxious waiting for a reply, I went and posted the thread again, so you can delete it. Apologies......

TheresaT

ohnowhattodo wrote: »

as I think "I'll wait till my life is sorted before I get involved with anyone"

Then you'll be waiting forever! Life is full of challenges and there'll always be something you wish was different / better.

No reasonable person is going to judge you harshly for not being completely settled in your career.

I know it sounds like simplistic advice but....be yourself
And try and enjoy the date

LegacyUser

I didn't mean in my OP that a woman was expecting me to be an ATM, but I suppose if I'm going to be constantly thinking about finances, I'm not going to be much fun am I.....
Yeah, I reckon I'll throw caution to the wind and just enjoy myself....

Cheap Thrills!

Hi OP,

It's just a first date.You don't have to 'explain' yourself like a job interview and if the thing does have that feel about it would you really want to be with a woman so shallow and materialistic.

Everyone has baggage and false starts by their 30's. Just because everything didn't go to plan (through reasons outside your control) doesn't mean anything. Life is not a competition.

I'd be impressed by your education and that you keep going and push ahead !! I mean who can ask any more than that.

She is just a person, not some awful Judge so try to relax and be yourself. She is probably just as nervous as you.

All the best on the date!!!

LegacyUser

I'll keep ye posted. I suppose I am thinking ahead, which is wishful thinking....

LegacyUser

OP here. So I went on the date, and it seemed to go alright. I'm terrible at dates. Don't know how to say goodnight properly, I mean , how do you gauge it....
Anyways, I have a second one to come, so one step at a time...

nickobrien1985

It will be tough for her to introduce you to her parents.
Women do respect a man with determination and money. FACT

panda100

nickobrien1985 wrote: »

It will be tough for her to introduce you to her parents.
Women do respect a man with determination and money. FACT

Oh Please,theres is nothing FACT about that statement. Determination and money are not mutually exlusive and the OP has shown he has an abundance of determination.
He worked abroad,did a postgrad and now has set up his own buisness. That show's huge gut's and purpose. The whole of the country is struggling financially at the moment so the OP is hardly alone if he has money problems.

Op, I really wouldn't worry about it. The last few guys I went on dates with all had the home,steady job and been in the same career and life path since they were 18. I found them so boring and stuck in their ways, I didnt return their calls after the first date. It sounds like the first date went well so best of luck for the second one

nickobrien1985

still you need money for the women.
Sad fact but a fact.

panda100

nickobrien1985 wrote: »

still you need money for the women.
Sad fact but a fact.

The only 'sad fact' is that you believe this to be true. There are Irish men and women who believe money to be the most attractive trait in a partner,which is fair enough If that's what your into. But If you feel you need money to find and keep a women then you are attracting a very shallow type of person.

Jane Eyre

nickobrien1985 wrote: »

still you need money for the women.
Sad fact but a fact.

What nonsense. What you need is imagination and a sense of humour. I hope the OP is ok because he sounds like a man with self esteem issues.
Dates don't have to cost much- you could cook for her for example and fascinate her with the tales of all the interesting people you met on your travels and in your various jobs. Be excited about your plans for the future! Show her that you're a risk taker. There are very few people who are overnight successes.
Apart from all that, I met my fabulous husband when he was unemployed in the boom times. I was attracted by his kindness, general decency and the fact that I never had to pretend with him. Also, he never lied to me. Don't fudge the truth with her, but you can give it a positive spin. Good luck.

nickobrien1985

not true.

Even in caveman times, those who we're able to go out and gather food and kill animals to eat were the ones successful with women. It provided a sense of security.

Compare the wives of hospital consultants to the wives of factory workers.

Sorry folks, money + success matters.

Do you want to be going on nice sun holidays or do you want to be struggling to pay the ESB bill?

Panda100 - are you from 'rathers' ie Rathkeale? did the travellers pinch your money?

If I were an investment banker would I be more attractive to women? Yes
But at the end of the day whether Im an investment banker or factory worker I'm still the same person

Jane Eyre

nickobrien1985 wrote: »

not true.

Even in caveman times, those who we're able to go out and gather food and kill animals to eat were the ones successful with women. It provided a sense of security.

Compare the wives of hospital consultants to the wives of factory workers.

Sorry folks, money + success matters.

Do you want to be going on nice sun holidays or do you want to be struggling to pay the ESB bill?

Panda100 - are you from 'rathers' ie Rathkeale? did the travellers pinch your money?

If I were an investment banker would I be more attractive to women? Yes
But at the end of the day whether Im an investment banker or factory worker I'm still the same person

You sound like a man who can only measure your success by the size of your wallet. Happy couples are not exclusively wealthy ones. But if the type of girls you are attracted to are only interested in your prosperity, good luck to you. I find your attitude sad and pathetic but hope that you will find happiness in your own way.

nickobrien1985

its not my attitude honey.


I'm just merely pointing out reality to you.

We live in a capitalist society that values money and success.
Doesn't the SUnday Indo idolize the rich and beautiful for a reason?

Jane Eyre

nickobrien1985 wrote: »

its not my attitude honey.


I'm just merely pointing out reality to you.

We live in a capitalist society that values money and success.
Doesn't the SUnday Indo idolize the rich and beautiful for a reason?

You think you're Don Draper don't you? Ahahahaha!