How do you deal with Heartbreak???

Makeup_Jeans

Hi Ladies

I have recently just broken up with my boyfriend of over 4 years and I am feeling very blue

I have just been spending all my time in bed watching tv lately or working.
Last night I stayed late at work just because I didnt want to go home - we had been living together and I just couldnt face going back to the house so I went and stayed at my parents.

I want to know how you fought heartbreak, how did you cope, did you turn into a tv, grumpy old ladt just like I am?

teaholic

I broke up with my ex after 3 and a half years last April because is was a spineless cheating scumbag. We had been living together for exactly 2 years the day I found out. I moved back home for 6 months ( I was living up the country with him) it was the worst and best thing I ever did.
The best in that I left him and found my confidence again and the worst in that all my friends iived in the same town I had left. I moved back in September to go back to college.
My cousin was fantastic to me at home, she dragged me out to excercise classes, shopping days, brought me to her apartment and feed me chinese, indian and every takeaway imaginable and lots of wine. She helped convince me I was better than him and that I could get over what he did to me.
My friends who lived in the town I left we amazing, always on the end of the phone when I needed to talk and when I moved back they wer even better!
Its going to take time, I finished with him nearly a year ago but some things still make me so mad when I think about him and the promises he didnt keep etc and how I laccepted his excuses of he was working etc when he was with someone else, (there was more than one but we wont go into that!)
A friend being killed put things in perspective for me, I came back to the town I left and went back to college.I hope it doesnt take something as drastic to hekp you see that, but you broke up for a reason and remember that reason.
All in all, go out, buy yourself the sexiest dress you can find and hit the clubs, but dont cop off with anyone, you will get attention and it will help you see yourself as desirable and its complety his loss!

Jenneke87

Tea. Applepie. Movies. Friends.

zzxx

Hit the gym. Honestly, it's the only thing that keeps me sane at times. The exercise will perk you up and you'll feel like you're doing something for yourself. Plus.. you'll look super hot next time you see him.

Look after yourself, it's a crappy time but it will pass

intouch44

after the tears stopped i was in denial for a while ( a long while!) but eventually i opened my eyes and realised it was over. initially i slept loads, it was an unbelievable effort to get out of bed and when i did all i could think about was when i could get back into it! work, exercise, friends and reading oh and sites like this helped me a lot! still a very long way to go but it's a start.

i also bought 'it's called a break up cos it's broken' off amazon and when i had accepted things were over i read it- it's very american but funny and worth the few euro

Asphyxia

The best thing is time really but you should fill it with hobbies and activities. Start socializing with friends and maybe go travelling and like zzxx said join the gym. If you sit around thinking about them then you will never move on.

starlit

I Just cry let it all out, think things through and then try to forget about it, mope a bit then start sitting back watch a bit of tv, eat my favourite food, and meet up with friends. Go out and enjoy myself! I did go through a 6 month ban of no men after my last break up! It helped! I got back out and enjoyed being single! Still am. Concentrating on other things helped a lot too!

off.the.walls

Get over him and find a bloke thats not gonna screw ya around.. this is advice coming from a fella by the way.. I broke up with my gf still aint found anyone or done anything in the past month or two but found that meeting new people is a good way to get over someone.

Vinta81

Develop torettes syndrome.

off.the.walls

Vinta81 wrote: »

Develop torettes syndrome.

or be a skitzo at least then ya'll always have someone to talk to and wont be lonely

Censorsh!t

I try to avoid it at all costs. That's probably why I don't have a boyfriend :pac:

I don't think I've ever been heartbroken before. I've never let myself been. I had one serious boyfriend, but I broke up with him. There has been guys I really liked who have just let me down and I feel like an idiot after it. So I'm just too scared to get hurt these days, even though I haven't experiences anything too heartbreaking over a guy.

The most heartbroken I've been was when my pony died. It's been a month and it's still upsetting and I will cry if I think about it too much. But I guess you just got to stay strong and get on with life. And when you're ready, you can look back at the good points and laugh it off.

And chocolate.

No advice really I'm afraid, but just *hugs*

Pythia

Ice cream, good friends, movies. Every day it will get better until you don't even think about it in the space of a day. That day will come even though it doesn't seem like it now! Also, when you're ready, it's always nice to get some new male attention. A fun night out!

allandanyways

Cry when you need to cry, watch Man vs Food, make guacamole, sleep (loads and loads of sleep), don't drink (makes things so much worse), find a friend who you can just hang out with and eat chinese food and watch cartoons and not talk about him... that is such a good help (as is sesame prawn toast)

Write stuff down (I've "written" about 20 emails to my ex at this stage, some sad, some angry, some really really mean ones. Haven't actually sent any but oh man, the feeling of release when you write them, unreal), clean your house, look after your body (for example, I started really moisturising my skin, don't know how I ever only slapped a bit on every now and again before), kiss a nice boy but leave it at that... you might actually find yourself avoiding men, and the first time you kiss someone else is going to feel really weird but just do it and that's one hurdle over with.

Oh and avoid listening to Radiohead or The Verve, anytime I think I made progress, I started listening to High and Dry and I was straight back into my black hole again.

I said it once and I'll say it again, avoid drink. You'll be on a high until a certain point and then something will make you crash bang down to earth again and a drunk, crying girl sitting on your friend's couch wailing "Where did I go wrooooong??" is not a pretty one, from what I've seen. Never done that myself. :cool: The combination of a hangover and heartbreak is awful as well.

I'm sure there are loads of other ways to cope, but those are some of the things that have helped me since I broke up with my ex in September. We're on speaking terms now although things can be strained at times. It's extremely difficult going from knowing so much about a person and loving them so much to knowing they're no longer "yours" and you will have to stop loving them. I think the day I realised he didn't love me any more was one of the worst in my life, I still loved him very deeply and was finding it hard to let go. I really thought I was going to stay in bed, dehydrate myself from crying and never leave. But I did leave, eventually. And I made a lemon cake. It was nice.

You will come out of this, it's gonna take what feels like forever and there's loads of ups and downs, I never understood the phrase "a heavy heart" until I had my heart broken, but if you have good friends and time on your hands to look after yourself, you will get to the other side. PM me if you want a chat, I know how hard it is xx

also despite what the several food related coping mechanisms in this post might imply, I did not gain half my body weight during this break up. I actually lost weight. Which is a conundrum that I am not questioning. :cool:

Sunshineboo

Hang out with your friends and try not to spend time dwelling on it (easier said than done, I know) I always feel better when I buy a new outfit that looks great. Look after yourself, it will get better!

Ickle Magoo

Write down all the things that really bugged you about them, all the bits of yourself they stifled, any hurt or embarrassment or upset they caused you - anything they caused you to miss out on or any way you felt short changed or were getting the short end of the wedge - write it out and pin it to the fridge and every time you feel yourself getting upset and donning the rose-tinted specs - have a read.

Do what makes you feel better, if you want to stay with your folks or invite a pal over to stay for a couple of nights - do that. If you want to lounge, do that - if you want to hit the town, do that. Sign yourself up for some new activities so you'll meet new people and keep reminding yourself, one day you'll look back and wonder why the hell you were wasting your tears on them.

All the best. :cool:

cards

I like to buy books on any subject that i feel that I'm stuck on.

http://www.amazon.com/How-Fall-out-Love-Hurts/dp/0446314080/ref=pd_sim_b_1

dfx-

NoDice

Good friends. That's the best ever. The way I think about it is you're better off without him and I'm a firm believer in the saying "there's someone for everyone", you just have to wade through the pricks to find him unfortunately. Keep yourself busy. I find a nice makeover helps too. Bets of luck OP and don't let him get you down, he's not worth it. x

Makeup_Jeans

Thank you all so much for your lovely comments. I'm new to boards but I have to say I LUV IT

I'm feeling a little better today because.............................................................................................
the pri*k called me last night. I promised myself I wouldnt answer if he called but I did. It kinda helped me in a weird way - it goes like this, he is sorry, he cant believe he done it and it was all the drinks fault. He is lost, lonely & heartbroken.
What happened was he tried 2 go with another girl right in front of me, the girl I may add a friend from work, who I see everyday. I know she is feeling bad & raw about it all and I know she would never have acted on his advances.
We were together for over 4 years and is wasnt his first offence. I think deep down he has a drink problem and I have tried to talk to him about this before and he promised he would try harder / change.
I always end up getting hurt so I just dont see the point in going round in circles any more.

What I find helps is watching endless Sex & The City. There is loads of heartache & drama it helps take my mind of it all.
Im going back to "the house" 2ngt and I'm not looking forward to it but I need to start to get my life back on track.

Next week I will try get myself out of the house a bit and catch up with some friends but I will concentrate getting myself into the house this week

Heartache is the worst!!

squeakyduck

Cry, cry, cry. You know you are getting somewhere when you stop crying at night.

Get yourself some little treats, whether it's new makeup/hairstyle/dress. Get it for your self, nothing like something new or a bargain to buck me up

Bitch to your friends till you're blue in the face, you have to get the rant over and done with some how. Bottling the feelings up will only end in anger/tears/late night drunken angry calls/texts.

Keep yourself busy with work/new hobby/hanging out with friends. You'll be so tired with all the stuff you have to do for the day you'll fall asleep not thinking about the ex.

Go out and flirt! Personal fave of mine. No harm in trying, but only start it when you feel ready! Nothing is more of a confidence booster than have a gorgeous guy chat you up and get your number. You'll never know he might be your new prince charming!

Elba101

You really just have to ride it out I'm afraid. There's no point in pretending you're not upset because you can't just switch off your feelings.

For me there came a time when I had spent the entire night crying and I just ripped up all photos and binned everything that remonded me of him at about 4 in the morning! I woke up and it actually felt like a new start.. and it was!

It's pretty sh!tty going through a break up but don't put your life on hold just because of it.

Hope you feel better soon x

Daisy!

allandanyways wrote: »

Cry when you need to cry, watch Man vs Food, make guacamole, sleep (loads and loads of sleep), don't drink (makes things so much worse), find a friend who you can just hang out with and eat chinese food and watch cartoons and not talk about him... that is such a good help (as is sesame prawn toast)

Write stuff down (I've "written" about 20 emails to my ex at this stage, some sad, some angry, some really really mean ones. Haven't actually sent any but oh man, the feeling of release when you write them, unreal), clean your house, look after your body (for example, I started really moisturising my skin, don't know how I ever only slapped a bit on every now and again before), kiss a nice boy but leave it at that... you might actually find yourself avoiding men, and the first time you kiss someone else is going to feel really weird but just do it and that's one hurdle over with.

Oh and avoid listening to Radiohead or The Verve, anytime I think I made progress, I started listening to High and Dry and I was straight back into my black hole again.

I said it once and I'll say it again, avoid drink. You'll be on a high until a certain point and then something will make you crash bang down to earth again and a drunk, crying girl sitting on your friend's couch wailing "Where did I go wrooooong??" is not a pretty one, from what I've seen. Never done that myself. :cool: The combination of a hangover and heartbreak is awful as well.

I'm sure there are loads of other ways to cope, but those are some of the things that have helped me since I broke up with my ex in September. We're on speaking terms now although things can be strained at times. It's extremely difficult going from knowing so much about a person and loving them so much to knowing they're no longer "yours" and you will have to stop loving them. I think the day I realised he didn't love me any more was one of the worst in my life, I still loved him very deeply and was finding it hard to let go. I really thought I was going to stay in bed, dehydrate myself from crying and never leave. But I did leave, eventually. And I made a lemon cake. It was nice.

You will come out of this, it's gonna take what feels like forever and there's loads of ups and downs, I never understood the phrase "a heavy heart" until I had my heart broken, but if you have good friends and time on your hands to look after yourself, you will get to the other side. PM me if you want a chat, I know how hard it is xx

also despite what the several food related coping mechanisms in this post might imply, I did not gain half my body weight during this break up. I actually lost weight. Which is a conundrum that I am not questioning. :cool:

What a post! I couldn't agree more with that Such a great way to put it all too.

OP Break ups suck, there's no way around the pain. You just have to get through it. I will never forget the torture I went through. It lasted for months. Looking back it lasted longer than it ever should have, I wasn't well But I got over it and I met someone new. Someone amazing. Someone who is a million times the man that I cried over was. Thank God for unanswered prayers. You'll get there lady, it's hard but you will get through this. Massive hugs, so many of us here know what you're going through xx

Abi

Pythia wrote: »

Every day it will get better until you don't even think about it in the space of a day. That day will come even though it doesn't seem like it now! Also, when you're ready, it's always nice to get some new male attention. A fun night out!

Thats the real answer imo.

Puddinase

Sorry to hear you're going through this OP but you'll get through it:)
Try listening to happy uplifting music,dance around your house if needs be:D

Giselle

I'd recommend the opposite to wine and chocolate.:)

Exercise is a natural anti-depressant, so get up off the sofa and go for a walk, jog or run, whatever you're capable of or feel like.

Put some upbeat and uplifting music on your MP3 and get moving. Come up with a healthy eating plan, and work on making yourself feel good on the outside. The inside will follow when its ready.

Get yourself feeling physically better and mentally you will too.

Instead of your self-esteem plummetting, you'll bolster it and you'll have gained something from this period of introspection, instead of losing more.

supermouse

Well, speaking from experience, it took me ages!

Broke up with himself Aug 09 and only STARTED to feel normal again Feb 10. And, if i had my time again i'd give myself the biggest kick up the h*le! I was such an embarrassment to myself, thinking back, yet it was my way of dealing with it. Im now such a happier person, back to my bubbly self.

I would surround yourself with friends, plan a holiday (not just a normal Canary Island holiday, a real adventure), take up a hobby. Most of all, write a 'To Do List'... mine was a list of all my wildest dreams, and in the months since we've broke up i've completed 9 out of 20 and im happy out with it!

Please don't just imto bed with the next w*lly you meet..... wait. Heal. It'll be worth it.

Above all, enjoy yourself!! You have the rest of your life to be in a relationship/married, enjoy your single time. Do what YOU want to do, and enjoy it.

At the moment you probably think about him loads, and you will for a while. But one of the best things that's happened me in 2011 happened yesterday, when i realized its been WEEKS since i thought about him... and that in itself feels so so good.

It sucks now, yet in a few months you'll think back, happier, healthier, and think ''what was his name again?!''

Enjoy xxx

IvyTheTerrible

I always found that the best way to get over someone was to avoid seeing them (if that's possible) for at least a couple of months afterwards. It's too raw at the start to see them, and you'll end up going back to him, or if not, just feeling worse.

Exercise is also good.

Makeup_Jeans

As I am new to Boards I cant thank anyone for their lovely replies (I spent ages at the computer yday wondering how do people thank each other and it even resulted in me calling one of the girls as I know she is a pro-boardsie).

Well its Friday and I've been dreading this day all week. The weekend has arrived. I am going to come up with a little timetable for myself at lunch ,to help me get through the wkend, things to do, people to call etc.

I got another call from himself last night, pouring his heart out and I actually do feel sorry for him. He said he has a drink problem and cant help himself , deep down I knew this and have tried to keep him on the straight & narrow. He said he will try & get help. I just feel numb at the min as I do want to help him get through this, but I really dont want to get hurt again and this man has broken every single promise he has made to me and I cant help but wonder is drink his excuse for everything?

I'm going to use loads of your suggestions while compiling my weekend timetable. Im looking forward 2 cathing up on some sleep as I've been told all week how tired I look from my work mates.

teaholic

Dont answer the phone to him. Its hard but the best thing to do. Right now you are feeling like sh!t and you are feeling vulnerable and may feel like getting back with him. Or like one last night wont hurt. It does. (Trust me...)
Turn the phone off, block his number, ignore it, just dont answer it.
If you can afford it head to a spa with some girlfriends or go to the beautician and get you nails done or to the hairdresser.
This weekend will be hard, but you WILL get through it, I promise!

Ksusha26

People have different ways of dealing with a breakup. When I broke up with my previous boyfriend around this time last year, I dealt with it by going back out and enjoying the single life again, parties, clubbing, one night stands, in other words a blowout. I felt great after it and by the time I met my current boyfriend last September I had moved on and was ready to get back into a relationship.

Giselle

Makeup_Jeans wrote: »

As I am new to Boards I cant thank anyone for their lovely replies (I spent ages at the computer yday wondering how do people thank each other and it even resulted in me calling one of the girls as I know she is a pro-boardsie).

I got another call from himself last night, pouring his heart out and I actually do feel sorry for him. He said he has a drink problem and cant help himself , deep down I knew this and have tried to keep him on the straight & narrow. He said he will try & get help.

Beware of someone who says they can't help themselves. It means they either won't take responsibility for their actions, or they're trying to make you responsible for changing their behaviour.

He says he can't help himself, but he's the ONLY one who can help himself. And saying he'll 'try' to get help is setting you up to hear that he failed to do so. And he'll probably claim his failure wasn't his fault. Be very careful.

Do you see the little thumbs-up icon on the bottom right corner of this post? If you press it, it gives thanks!

ellieh1

I am feeling the exact same as you are OP. Myself and my partner seperated after two years in December. I have been finding it all very difficult and did the stupid thing of sending him an email yesterday just saying hi ect and that I still missed him. Stupid, stupid me :mad::mad: I got an email an hour ago to say hi and then he says I must let him go as I cant forget that time is ticking for him and he needs to move on and find someone else??? I am so hurt.

1daydreamer

It has been said before but having recently (this summer) gone through a huge break-up myself I will tell you what really helped me. Exercising at the gym until I was too tired to feel hurt, which also gave me energy and great new body, listening to my ipod and dancing around the house, going out with friends to do anything from shopping to concerts to pubs to hiking to movie nights. I might look at or even smile at a man I think is attractive, but no dates or ONS or etc. Re-arranging the house and making it a reflection of me, boxing up sentimental stuff to deal with much later. Writing lists of things about what is important to me and what I like to do and maybe could not do while in the past relationship, lists of what was right and wrong about the relationship to help me make good choices in the future.
I'm really glad I took a break from dating and am feeling tons more confident and relaxed about myself. There are still painful moments, but know it was the right thing to move on.
OP if your ex has a drinking problem, or a "keeping it in his pants" problem, or both, do you trust him? Because to me anyway, it boils down to that. I cant be with someone I don't trust, and noticed that when I was, I was suspicious all the time, playing "cheap detective" to catch him in a lie then crying when I found out my fears were true. That isn't who I want to be. And anyone I have known who decided to do "one more time for old time sake" with their ex ended up being hurt all over again.
Oh and yes, there was a certain pleasant if not healthy satisfaction of running into my ex the other day in my new much smaller and very flattering jeans and seeing him do a double take.

RacoonQueen

Best thing is to keep yourself as busy as possible. Do stuff you enjoy and get him out of your head as much as possible. I've only really been treated 'badly' by one guy and he was the hardest to get over and I still don't get why. When you have down time it's so bloody hard to get them out of your head. People will put up all sorts of ways to get over it but really, time is the only thing that will help.

Princess Peach

I have being spending all my time lately remembering exactly what me and my ex boyfriend did on this day last year. Its terrible! Not sure how to stop it though, but you should try not to dwell on the past so much :P

girvtheswerve

Keeping busy is the key i think. I dream about my ex lots. Its driving me mad.

I just try to keep myself really busy, not leaving myself time to think. Its the only thing that helps.

Princess Peach

girvtheswerve wrote: »

Keeping busy is the key i think. I dream about my ex lots. Its driving me mad.

I just try to keep myself really busy, not leaving myself time to think. Its the only thing that helps.

So sick of the dreams too! Almost all the time! And sometimes a bit sexy

My subconscious will not let him go :pac:

TheNewMee

Not only keep busy, but make sure that you keep away routines that will remind you of your ex. Unfortunately even the most random things will cause those memories to surface but you can only try!

whatsamsn

I'd like to ask the members of boards.ie a very serious question if its ok

Do a lot of people not truly move on from someone, until they meet someone else?

example you loved someone. it ended. badly say. Would you not be 100% over them until you have developed equal feelings for someone else?

G86

whatsamsn wrote: »

I'd like to ask the members of boards.ie a very serious question if its ok

Do a lot of people not truly move on from someone, until they meet someone else?

example you loved someone. it ended. badly say. Would you not be 100% over them until you have developed equal feelings for someone else?

I think it's just that you don't realise it until that happens. I think you spend forever missing someone, but sometimes it takes something like that to realise that you've stopped missing them.

Makeup_Jeans

The weekend is over and I'm not going to lie it was really hard.
I spent most of it sleeping and then I done some packing (his stuff) which resulted in me having a melt-down, but at least I have taken that step.
Another melt-down happened when I took down the Xmas tree, I was remembering the fun we had putting it up together and here I was now all on my own taking it down.

A few of the girls came over on Sat evening and we cracked open the wine. I really made myself be strong, as I didnt want to ruin their night listening to me sobbing. It was nice to jump into bed after they left and have a little cry. Sunday was spent nusing a headache & heartache but I've survived it all and the first weekend is now over.

I got a few texts from him and a little bit of me does feel sorry for him. He really is finding it hard to cope with his drinking issues. I know deep down I will always care for him and I know I shouldnt do this, but if at all possible I will help him to overcome his deink issues. He is going to his first AA meeting on Thur and I said I would call him after to see how it all goes.
I have been hurt by him so many times now and I need to look out for myself and for that reason I will not be taking him back, but I do want to help him. Who knows, maybe a year down the line I may feel differently.

I also bought myself a book at the weekend, I actually dont even know the name of it, havent started reading it yet.

I also done some online shopping last night - a little treat to myself.
One of the girls were on about some new body scrub she got as a gift for Xmas and said she is in luv, so I went online and splashed out. Its an organic range and made from Seaweed. Its also Irish which makes it even better. I got myself some body moisturiser & an exfoliator so looking forward to Mr postman arriving with my package.

I have also decided I am going to be more experimental in the kitchen and dig out some cookbooks. I feel this will help keep occupied.

I'm with you on the dreams. We are always so happy in my dreams then reality hits when I wake up.
New week, new start, positive thoughts only (keep telling myself that)

RacoonQueen

whatsamsn wrote: »

I'd like to ask the members of boards.ie a very serious question if its ok

Do a lot of people not truly move on from someone, until they meet someone else?

example you loved someone. it ended. badly say. Would you not be 100% over them until you have developed equal feelings for someone else?

This reminds me of the classic. I did not want to be with him, I did not love him, I do not want to get back with him, I don't even want to see him or contact him, but, I keep thinking about him.

WHY GOD WHY?!

neveah

All I can say is that dealing with heartbreak is like a rollercoaster, it's full of ups and downs, twists and turns!

I've had some journey getting over my heartbreak, while I have had a lot of down days, I have also had major highs as well. You should do all the things that the girls here have advised. Keep yourself busy as much as possible and make plans to do things in the future so you have something to look forward to like a holiday or a weekend away or a concert.
Most importantly though, if I could go back and talk to myself when I first broke up with my ex, I would have told myself to completely cut contact with him straight away. It would have helped me enormously if I had done that so that is my final piece of advise to you. If he has issues let him deal with them, you can't help him so now is the time to help yourself and make you No. 1!

This reminds me of the classic. I did not want to be with him, I did not love him, I do not want to get back with him, I don't even want to see him or contact him, but, I keep thinking about him.

WHY GOD WHY?!

Does the day actually come where you stop thinking about them??? Please tell me it does because I am not there yet either even though I would never get back with him! I thought I was a bit mad to be thinking of my ex so often but maybe I'm not the only one, that makes me feel a little better

cdaly_

Makeup_Jeans wrote: »

I got a few texts from him and a little bit of me does feel sorry for him. He really is finding it hard to cope with his drinking issues. I know deep down I will always care for him and I know I shouldnt do this, but if at all possible I will help him to overcome his deink issues. He is going to his first AA meeting on Thur and I said I would call him after to see how it all goes.

You're gonna need to be really hard-hearted about this. While encouraging him to address the drink is good, it ultimately has to come from him. If he slips at all, you need to turn your back and leave him to it.

I have been hurt by him so many times now and I need to look out for myself and for that reason I will not be taking him back, but I do want to help him. Who knows, maybe a year down the line I may feel differently.

Unless he's a real soul-mate, you're probably better off forgetting him and moving on. A year down the line, you want to be pleased to see he's sorting himself out but you need to be living your own life. You don't really want to be spending the rest of your life waiting for him to fall off the wagon again...

RacoonQueen

neveah wrote: »

Does the day actually come where you stop thinking about them??? Please tell me it does because I am not there yet either even though I would never get back with him! I thought I was a bit mad to be thinking of my ex so often but maybe I'm not the only one, that makes me feel a little better

It goes away. One day you'll suddenly realise you haven't been thinking about him EVERY night for ages or you don't randomly think of him, for no particular reason, 15 times during the day anymore.

Princess Peach

neveah wrote: »

Does the day actually come where you stop thinking about them??? Please tell me it does because I am not there yet either even though I would never get back with him! I thought I was a bit mad to be thinking of my ex so often but maybe I'm not the only one, that makes me feel a little better

I think about my ex ALL the time! Not fun! You're not the only one

But I'm still at the stage where I would like to get back with him

intouch44

Princess Peach wrote: »

I think about my ex ALL the time! Not fun! You're not the only one

But I'm still at the stage where I would like to get back with him

I'm at the same stage as you Princess Peach- it's horrible :mad:

I can go for most of the day telling myself it's over and then in a split second I imagine us back together!! Am sick of it, my head is wrecked!!

allandanyways

Princess Peach wrote: »

I think about my ex ALL the time! Not fun! You're not the only one

But I'm still at the stage where I would like to get back with him

I spent most of October and November like that. November was really bad after he told me straight up (and by text, which I thought was a bit harsh) "Look, I don't love you anymore. You need to get over it". Was definitely not the best few months of my life.

I already gave my advice on page 1 of this thread, but PP and the other users currently going through this, I can tell you, hand on heart- and this is from someone who does not get over things easily in the slightest, and spent the latter half of 2010 like this and then like this :mad: and back to this again - it will pass.

If my ex (wasn't such an arsehole and) had asked me to get back with him in October or maybe even November, despite everything I would have jumped and gone back to a relationship that made us both (in truth) unhappy. If he rang me today and said he still loved me and wanted me back, I'd refuse point blank. The thoughts of going back to what we were makes me really angry and I'm so glad I didn't try more than a few sad texts to try and get him back, because now (and I keep saying now because I know when you're in the middle of it, it's just not the same thing. Hindsight is a wonderful thing) I know that if I had gone back to him, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. We just weren't working, at all.

When I look back over the last few months, I realise how sad I was and in one, weird way, it gives me comfort because I know that I did love him, very very much or else I wouldn't have been upset. A few months ago, I couldn't think about things we used to do or read emails or look at photos without getting a twinge in my stomach and welling up and (if it was late at night) having a bit of a panic attack and thinking I'd never meet someone like him ever again. I really did feel like part of me was missing and I know that I'll always care about him and I hope things work out for him (although I'm still not ready to hear about new girlfriends or anything, I'm getting there but I'm not there yet!) but I can't ever see us getting back together. I'm actually smiling here to myself that I can say that now without feeling sad at all. It's actually liberating. I don't want to and won't get back with him, because I'm moving on. And honest to jaysus, I never thought I'd be able to say that.

So there is hope, as crap and sad and awful as ye are feeling now. Heartbreak really is an awful thing and there are not enough adjectives to describe the sadness and the way it feels in your stomach and your chest when you think about them and how things used to be and what they might be doing now. It's just horrible, and I never thought I'd get out of that. There are some great lyrics in the James Morrison song "Broken Strings" and I actually had them in my phone to give me a bit of strength when I just wanted to ring him and beg him to take me back-

"Oh what are we doing, we are turning into dust/Playing houses in the ruins of us"

"Running back through the fire, when there's nothing left to save/It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late"

I know a lot of people get back with their exes and things work out, but sometimes there's just nothing there to go back to, and that was the case with me. Break ups happen for a reason, and as I explained, I realise now that me and my ex, we just had our run and it was over. But try telling me that in October and I would have eaten the head off you.

Take it one day at a time. Only the other day, I was able to delete old messages from him that I had saved (you know the ones I'm talking about, the sweet ones that you think nobody will ever say things like that to you again). But that's one more step taken.

This is a very long post, tl;dr version: One day at a time, you will get over it. But it's a long process and hurts like hell.

Lots of love to all the girls (and guys, who may be reading this) going through this horrible thing at the minute. xx

sunflower27

Allandanyways - thank you so much for taking the time to post that. I'm currently going through a breakup and it is exactly what I needed to hear.

You're a star - and well done on coming out the other side

neveah

I think it's time for a big group hug! We are strong ladies and it's great to be able to come here and read about everyone elses experiences and know that you are not alone and you are not 'wierd' for feeling the way you do.

Heartbreak sucks, everybody is at different stages of it but I can tell you I had no idea what it felt like until I had to go through it and I pray I never have to go through it again! It's a horrible experience! It's definitely hardened me up and without doubt I have put up barriers with any new guy that I have met and I write them off without giving them a fair chance. This really frustrates me but I just can't help myself. I guess I'm just not ready for another relationship but a part of me has become so cynical as well, I just think why bother investing another 5 years in somebody if it's all going to end in tears! Terrible way to think I know!

I went to see 'Love and other drugs' over the weekend. When we came out of the cinema my friend turned to me and said 'well what did you think?', I just looked at her and said 'that doesn't happen in real life'.
I just found the 'romance' to be completely unrealistic and I couldn't let myself be swept up in the Hollywood notion of love and romance. I did however appreciate the many scenes with a topless Jake Gyllennhaal!!

Anyway I'm hoping I won't be like this forever, I'd like to think I'll find love again someday, I hope that we all will.