When it's not you, its me!!!!

LegacyUser

i'd decided i need some opinions on this

I met someone a couple of years back who i have fallen for. we've been going out for just over 2 years now and get on extremely well, in fact everything about our relationship is perfect....expect me!

I keep getting gut feelings that perhaps she's not the one for me, and if she's not is there actually anyone! She is perfect in almost everyway can think of so i am (i tried to find faults but failed) but i still get a feeling that the relationship has drained me.

I want to point out that i am an extremely independant person. I loved my single life when I had it but I really fell for this girl and still love her to bits. If I were to finish with her tomorrow the only reason I could tell her is that its not her and it me!!!

Perhaps I'm shelfish, perhaps I'm lazy perhaps a little depressed with other aspects in my life, perhaps the novetly of the relationship and finally woren off and now the next part of our relationsip is evident.

has anyone ever had these feelings.

what should i do/ say? should i ride it out and see what the next couple of months bring???

Hairspray

Be honest with yourself, there is something about her bugging you, otherwise you wouldnt want to end it.

I was in a similar situation myself a while ago. I with a guy that i was never in love with yes he was "Perfect". When i looked at things and i like you prefferred being single, you arent selfish sometimes the person who we are with feels like they are draining us.

The second the realtionship starts draining you, you have to end it for her sake. Dosent she deserve to be with someone who dosent feel like she is draining them?

Be kind and break up with her so she can find someone as "Perfect" as she is.

LegacyUser

In what way has the relationship drained you? Even if you do break up with this girl, you may reach the same stalemate situation in the next relationship...and then what? A life of solitude? No man is an island, you just need to work on it, noone said it was easy (excuse all the cliches!)

LegacyUser

IS there something wrong?? Everyone has niggling doubts.Everyone. And those who don't are lucky enough to be people who just live life without analysing it.

The thing is OP - I can't tell you if there's something actually wrong with your relationship or not. I don't think anybody can. We can all give you all sorts of pointers - if it doesn't feel perfect, then you shouldn't be in it; give it a chance, see what happens - everything.

The thing is though, no relationship is perfect.Not one. Everyone has their own niggling, annoying things that they do.The question is, do you love her enough to be able to get past those things and get on with it. If the only thing you can come up with is "it's not you, it's me"....honestly OP, you'd want to have a long hard look at what you want from life. Do you want a relationship, girlfriend, wife, home, whatever? Or are you happy single, looking after yourself and not worrying about anyone else?

I am over 7 years in a relationship.An excellent relationship. And there are times, when my brain wonders is this right, maybe I should try something else, what would have happened if I met someone else...very, very odd times.But then, I could spend the rest of my life, in every relationship I ever have, thinking that. What I have is good.Far better than good. I don't want anyone else, and I love him more than anything.Neither of us is perfect, nor is our relationship. But we both know that we have something special and we're both willing to work on the non-perfect parts. Relationships are hard work.

If the problem really is you, and not her, then start looking at yourself and trying to figure out WHY it's you.

LegacyUser

Paper block wrote: »

If the only thing you can come up with is "it's not you, it's me"....honestly OP, you'd want to have a long hard look at what you want from life. Do you want a relationship, girlfriend, wife, home, whatever? Or are you happy single, looking after yourself and not worrying about anyone else?.

this is my issue. This is not the "typical i don't love her" thread.

This is also why I question whether I am a selfish person. I love the girl, that i'm sure of. but I know I have an inbuilt issue with relationships and a very defenite fear of them!

I enjoyed single was it brought with it no pressures, no commitments. i just wonder whether many people ever just want to be on their own for the rest of the lives? something in me finds that very frightening that I might want that!!!

The title is true - it is not her, it is me - I know that!