Worried about god daughter

carolinespring

My god daughter's cousin who was 18 took his own life yesterday. A young man who was always the life and sole of every party and seemed to have so much to live for. He is not the first member of the famiy to die in such a way. My god daughter (my best friends child) is 17 and a half and was very close to the young man who end his life. First cousins and best friends. She is in total bits and I am worried she will do something to herself. Lots of family issues over the last year or so. Her parents split and have sort of got back together. She had to move school and was out of school for a while. Went back in sept but as ahe was a year behind everyone else she dropped out. She is very down and moody. She will always talk to me about how she is feeling. We had a deal that I would not tell her mum but did let her mum know to keep a eye on her. In the past she had posted stuff on her face book page about killing herself but when I spoke to her about it she promised me she was just venting and I believe her. This was before her cousin took his own life.

I got her to go talk to her family doctor in november and he arranged for her to go to cunselling and she had her first appointment the week before Christmas. I was hopeful this would help her. Her doctoer would not put her on medication as she is so young. She also met a young chap in the run up to Christmas and was very excited about that and talked about doing a college course. She said the talking to someone really helped.

I Spoke to her yesterday after hearing the news about her cousin and she is in total bits. She had being trying to call him all day yesterday with no reply. She was in such a state, she cried and cried and talked about wanting to be with him and how hurt she is by what he did. I asked her to keep talking and to call me anytime she needed to talk, she did at 4am this morning and we talked for a hour. I told her I am worried she will do something silly and again she promised me she wont. I asked her to talk to her mum and she said she couldnt. I asked her to get her doctor to get her a appointment with her counseller asap as she is not due to see her for 2 more weeks and told her to call me anytime day or night. I also told her to call the Samaritans and gave her the number.

I felt I had to tell her mum and called her first thing this morning, not something I did lightly and told her to keep a close eye on "mary" and that I was very worried and why. She agreed and said she was also worried. She asked her boyfriend to stay with her today, so she would have someone but not feel crowded by over bearing adults. We agreed we would not tell " Mary" I had spoke to her mum and I would call her during the day to see how she was doing.

I have spoked to her a number of times and am so worried. She is in bits and says she wants to be with him but again promised she will not do anything silly.

The body is being taken home to the house this evening to be waked and I am also worried how she will deal with that. She plans to sit with him until the funeral later in the week. She is tired and worn out and I asked her to take breaks and try and get some sleep and again to keep talking and maybe thing about writing a letter to him, telling him how she is feeling.

Just looking for advice on how to deal with this. I am going up to spend wed with her.

I use the word silly, as in worried about her doing some thing silly as I just cannot find any other word to express what I mean.

Reesy

Hi OP,

Here are a couple of web resources that might help:
http://www.console.ie/
http://ie.reachout.com/find/issues/suicide-and-self-harm

Sorry I can't help further.

Good luck.

killerking

She is in bits and says she wants to be with him

I once knew a girl whose boyfriend died in a car crash and she told me she wanted to kill herself so she would be with him in heaven. She was very religious and believed in Jesus and God and the Virgin Mary and all that magic stuff.
I told her that heaven does not exist, that when people die they are just dead, they are buried and they turn into dust and brought her around.
Just tell her that her head has been filled with all this fairytale nonsense.
You should bring her to the graveyard and tell her took around her at all the old graves and tell her that all the people buried there are still dead and they are just bones.
That's what I told my friend and she snapped out of it right away.
Tell her she was born, she is alive and she is going to die and think of all the people in Africa who have barely enough to eat who live in terrible poverty and would risk their lives to ride a rubber raft to this country if they could eat out of our rubbish bins.
They aren't killing themselves so why should she?

dudara

@killerking - what worked for you may not work for others, particularly as some people find a lot of solace in the thought of an afterlife.

@OP - You might find some useful resources from the Useful Links & Info thread in our Bereavement forum.

dudara

confusticated

I don't know if she's religious, but would you consider talking to a priest maybe, or asking one to talk to her? They have more experience than most dealing with deaths and bereavement.