How to change my attitude

LegacyUser

Hi fellow boardsies. Just feel like going unreg for this. I have a serious problem with my own self-image. I guess it stems from my school days when I was fat and picked on for years because of it. I went through an eating disorder, got that under control, took to the gym and lost the weight. And despite this, I cant shake the horrid image of had of myself from that time.

Now, I'm told I'm a good looking guy. Even last week, I was at a family do, and people were saying I was good-looking, and despite this, I just brushed it off as 'well, they HAVE to say that. They're my relatives.'

Today, I had to go get passport photos. I got them done and immediately started ragging on myself, and picking flaws. Now, I know I'm not exactly a knock-out. I've had exes tell me that they were never attracted to me at first, but then got to know me. And I am quite happy with the person I am, except for this flaw I perceive in myself. But I'd just love to be able to accept how I look, and get on with it! I keep fit, eat well, and do all I can to improve my self image. Hell, I've even done drama recently, appeared on stage half-naked and despite being petrified, pulled it off.... not literally! ;o)

And yet here I sit, concerned with how I look. Has anyone experienced this? How do I break the attitude?

Professional Griefer

How familiar this is to me.:rolleyes:

I'm sorry I can't give a answer to how to get over it. I guess just never worry about what other people think, I know thats not a problem since you went on stage and did that:eek: Sure when I was younger I was on the heavier side, not too big, but my brother honestly made me hate my life at times.

Just a lack of confidence, to a extend. You'll be fine, especially, to refer to it again, that whole stage thing. Maybe you're just being picky cause of what you used to be.

Take a good look at yourself, relations wouldn't pass comments like that at all unless they truly meant them, well from what I've experienced in anyways, try to be happy with what you look like, no one is ugly, its only what some people like. I've had relatives speak poorly of my weight back when I was larger, and I heard it, it hurt, but even now its different, my aunt constantly complements me for changing so much.

I do wish I could give better advise, I'm sure you'll get over it at some point, just try and stop worrying about it, that was all in the past, look to the future.

Monkey Allen

You're constantly finding faults in yourself because you're trying to put yourself in someone else's position to look at yourself from. If you think to when you were on stage, you were probably petrified because you see all these eyes on you and you have to impress. The really successful performers, speech givers are not looking at themselves, they are thinking about the performance, not how they look. And thats how you got through it. You didnt need to turn negativity in your looks to positive thoughts about yourself. You just focussed on something else entirely. And thats what you need to do with life. Dont try and transform negative thoughts of how you look into positive thoughts of how good looking you are. Your looks are for other people to enjoy, its not really your issue. Just be well groomed, tidy etc and let people make of you what they will. Spend the rest of your day doing the important stuff such as having a life.

killerking

SelfImage wrote: »

Hi fellow boardsies. Just feel like going unreg for this. I have a serious problem with my own self-image. I guess it stems from my school days when I was fat and picked on for years because of it. I went through an eating disorder, got that under control, took to the gym and lost the weight. And despite this, I cant shake the horrid image of had of myself from that time.

Now, I'm told I'm a good looking guy. Even last week, I was at a family do, and people were saying I was good-looking, and despite this, I just brushed it off as 'well, they HAVE to say that. They're my relatives.'

Today, I had to go get passport photos. I got them done and immediately started ragging on myself, and picking flaws. Now, I know I'm not exactly a knock-out. I've had exes tell me that they were never attracted to me at first, but then got to know me. And I am quite happy with the person I am, except for this flaw I perceive in myself. But I'd just love to be able to accept how I look, and get on with it! I keep fit, eat well, and do all I can to improve my self image. Hell, I've even done drama recently, appeared on stage half-naked and despite being petrified, pulled it off.... not literally! ;o)

And yet here I sit, concerned with how I look. Has anyone experienced this? How do I break the attitude?

If you are told you are good looking guy then you ARE a good looking guy.
People would not tell you were good looking if you were not good looking.
If you were not a good looking guy they would not be telling you that you are a good looking guy.
See?

metamorphosis

OP - EDs are terribly difficult to break by yourself without CBT or some suppost system in place. Many who think they have broken it by themselves usually find themselves actually shifting along the REDS line (eating disorder spectrum). This spectrum includes anything from eating distrss to anorexia to bullemia to anorexia athletica (compulsive exercise) to orthorexia (fixation on only eating healthy foods). So, many find themselves shifting from anorexia to binge eating disorder or compulsive exercise to ortherexia. they at first think that they have gotten over the disorder when in fact they have only shifted along the spectrum.

It sounds like you may be susceptable to body dysmorphia (im NOT diagnosing you here). especially given your past been over weight. You may not see your body like others do. Don't let it get you down. It might be a good idea if there is someone you can talk to freely about this, maybe a counseller who specalises in the area?

People are not going to tell you that you are good looking for the sake of it! Attacking the root of why you do not see youself as others do will lead you to be much more at peace with youself.

All the best

LegacyUser

Hi,

Just something I read about and tried and it helped me a bit.
I put a small notebook in my back pocket.....
and every day i would note three things I like about
myself along with an example for that day...for example
if I helped an old lady across the road I would write
" I am considerate....I helped an old person across
the road" or...." I have a nice sense of humour....
I told a joke that made my friend laugh"

You see...when you come up with examples....compliments
to yourself are more believable. And if someone compliments
you....accept it...with a "thanks".

Try it out for a week or two and you might develop a habit of
being nice to yourself.

Wont hurt to try.

Fittle

Apologies in advance if this sounds quite american, but you just have to learn to love yourself. Us Irish aren't very good at it, I'm afraid - even if we had half the confidence that our american and european counterparts had, we'd be on the pigs back:D. I'm not sure why we're not very fond of ourselves, but I've travelled quite a bit and I can tell you that the Irish are definitely the worst at slagging themselves off, no matter how good they are:rolleyes:

Anyhow OP, life isn't about your body - we are all so much more than our physical appearances. I like the idea of the notebook, to remind yourself how good you are. It really is about what's on the inside, not how you look. You looked the way you did for years, you had that mindset for years. Even with all the weightloss, it's very difficult to shift the mindset to go along with it, without some work on your mind.

Start telling yourself you're a wonderful person, start looking at all the good you have to offer, look in the mirror and tell yourself how handsome you are (when no one else is around mind you;)) etc etc! The list is endless - there are many self-help books out there but they will all give you the same message. You need to start convincing YOURSELF that you're handsome (if that's how you want to feel), and in time, your will believe it. It feels weird at first, and you will find that you are fighting against the positive things you are saying about yourself. But if you give it time, it can work.

What's the saying...'Fake it to Make it'! And by the way, I have some good looking nephews, and some not so good looking. Family or not, the not so good looking ones are never told they are good looking!!!

Best of luck OP x