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Not sure what to do about Bf and child

  • 03-01-2011 2:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am going out with boyfriend 1 year and we love each other to bits, we would have been together 5 years ago but he had a child with another girl.
    The girl is not in the picture he has full rights to child.

    I have no problem with him having a child but he lives at home with granny and granddad and all the other family.
    I have asked them to move in and he is happy to do so but he is afraid to.
    The problem is that he is the boss of the house and granny always gives in to him to stop him crying for example sweets under pillow whatever he want for dinner.
    Bf wants him on straight and narrow but as i told him it not going to happen while he living there as granny wont listen to her son.

    I cant take this anymore just don’t want to lose him we have talked about marriage and we have both said it to each other that if we broke up there would never be anyone else so i am at a loss now..


Comments

  • #2
    Nody
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,375 CMod ✭✭✭✭Nody


    Ok if I got your post correctly your bf (and child) is reluctant to move in with you but I can't really find out why. Bf wants to make the move to ensure his child is not getting more spoilt (who's spoiled rotten by the grandmother at the moment) and you told him that only way was to move out.

    Assuming the above is more or less correct the long and short answer is that your bf needs to make a decision and do it. His child will obviously not like not being constantly spoiled and have every whim looked after and he'll have to take that fight a few times to short his child out.

    You how ever can't decide for him and he needs to make that decision and stick to it or it will never work.


  • #3
    astra2000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 734 ✭✭✭astra2000


    I think you need to approach this very carefully and you need to try and get your bfs mother on board to help make the process easier for the boy. Talk to her together and explain what you want and how she can help. Let the child know that there is going to be changes and what they are going to be.
    As for living together you could start off slowly with weekends been spent in your house and go from there. Best of luck


  • #4
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    I am going to suggest you just concentrate on your relationship with your BF.
    Leave all matters to do with his son upto him. That also includes correcting the boy etc - any misbehaviours just inform your BF of what you saw - but his reaction or lack there-of should not have any bearing on your relationship.

    The only thing you should insist on is that his son shows you proper care and respect - but if he ever does not - do NOT take this up with the son - take it up with your BF - and trust that he will deal with it appropriately.

    I am suggesting this so that you never get yourself cornered into being the boy's replacement or 2nd mummy... That is not your role...

    So - along these lines - so what if the granny spoils him - her son is allowing her to do this... It is none of your business and you need to keep your nose out of it or you will reap the consequences - being painted as that wan who drove a gap between her and her grandchild... So tread carefully...
    At the end of the day - stop blaming everyone else - your OH is the father and he is choosing to allow this to continue - only he can decide to stop it.

    I suggest you let him know what you intend - and be clear with him - if he is not happy to move in with you then really can you afford to waste more time on someone who cannot commit to you 100%???
    (Although - after a year - are you really sure you want to move in together - esp while he is not taking his son in hand... you will just inherit that mess unless you set your boundaries and do not cross them no matter how tempted...)


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