Is the relationship right for me?

LegacyUser

Hi,
I'll try make it quick.
I'm trying to decide if the relationship is right for me.

We've been together nearly a year. She is gorgeous, really nice, really good to me, always cheery and in good form and having fun (something I find is difficult to find all the time in relationships).

Thing is, I am back home in Ireland for Christmas, she is still out in Australia. There's just a few things. She's always expressed an interest in Ireland but I don't know if she'd be open or not in the future to coming here. While I like working out there I dont know if I want to be there forever.

Besides that, now this will seem not nice but...
I like going out, I like shopping and buying nice clothes, going for dinners, drinks, to events, whatever.
She is a bit more like, she doesn't like going out much, she'd like to curl up at home 9 times out of 10, she isn't much for shopping or dressing up (though her looks are 10/10 so this is surprising but its just not her). Though I'd never do anything, since I'm home I've seen a lot of girls out and about and was impressed byt their clothes and style. I'd forgotten since everyone is so casual most of the time there it was nice to see some nice dresses and stuff, I just find it kinda attractive. I'd never do anything with anyone else here, I just mean I see myself thinking, wow, imagine MY girlfriend wearing that, she'd be like a model!

Sometimes I go out with my friends and stuff and she just doesn't want to come, she is always tired or has a paper to write but I know she's still interested, If I suggested staying in on the couch, she'd always say yes.

I'm not sure, I don't want to act like I want to change her. If she just isn't into the same stuff I'm thinking maybe longterm though we love each other, we just aren't the same in our interests. I find it very hard though, when I go out a lot and she doesn't want to come it just feels like I don't have a girlfriend at all, but then when I see her even if i'm a little bit annoyed I just can't help but melt the second I see her as she is a stunning girl.

Sorry if I sound harsh anywhere, she is lovely in so many ways and so beautiful. I'm just wondering about compatibility.

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

Hi OP,

What I'm getting from this post is that you seem to be bowled over by this girls looks. I know you did allude to other aspects of her character, but the over-riding theme is that you are in awe of this girls looks.

I hate to sound harsh but you do sound like you want different things. You should love people for who they are, not who you want them to be. So if she is a casual dressing, quiet night in sort of girl then you cannot expect to mould her into a style queen & social butterfly type of girl.

Can't even imagine how this conversation would be approached, "You're a 10/10 and you'd be a model type if you only wore some nice dresses". Imagine that she were thinking that she wished you would become less into clothes and going out and wanted you to become more casually dressed? How would that make you feel?

You wouldn't change who you are so why should she be expected to?

From what I've heard about Australia re the style of clothing is that due to the weather and way of life, that clothing tends to be more casual. Casual clothing is a lot more practical in their sort of weather. Plus, I've also heard that clothes are very, very expensive in Australia. We have budget clothes here so its easy for girls to wear fashionable clothes at reasonable prices, ie Penneys etc. Just passing on what I've heard to put different perspectives out there.

You really need to have a think about if you can live without the uber sociable, fashionista girlfriend. Forget about the fact that she is stunning for a moment, as looks fade. When shes older, her stunningness will fade so you have to think about whether you will still be compatible then. Obviously, goes without saying how attraction is important, but there needs to be more there.

One thing I could say is lacking in your relationship that could be worked on if you wanted to stay together- compromise. Have you talked to her about the fact that you would like her to accompany you on nights out from time to time? So between the cuddly nights in that she loves and the nights out you love, theres compromise. Win win. If she really hates these nights out though, then it comes back to the compatibility issue.

Best of luck with this one OP, hope whatever you decide, it works out

Carpe_Diem

I understand you've known her for a year, but don't know how much time you've actually spent together? How long between visits?

LegacyUser

I live and work out there. I am only home on holidays for 2 weeks for Christmas. So we spent all of that time together. See each other a lot.

LegacyUser

You can't be basing whether you're compatible or not, on her dress sense?!
Or the fact that- SOMEtimes- she has a paper to write& is tired, so lets you off on your own to head out with your friends?
Maybe the types of clothes you're seeing here simply aren't the norm in Australia, or would be considered unfashionable. Equally, it could be a male/female divide on what constitutes being dressed well (my ex generally thought I looked best in hooker-style short tight miniskirts, or bright colours only a 10year old would wear!)
Why not bite the bullet, whilst at the same time not offending her, by bringing her back presents of 2-3 dresses you think would look good on her? A gift upon your return. Win win. The worst she can say is she doesn't like them.

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

dsalgkj wrote: »

You can't be basing whether you're compatible or not, on her dress sense?!
Or the fact that- SOMEtimes- she has a paper to write& is tired, so lets you off on your own to head out with your friends?
Maybe the types of clothes you're seeing here simply aren't the norm in Australia, or would be considered unfashionable. Equally, it could be a male/female divide on what constitutes being dressed well (my ex generally thought I looked best in hooker-style short tight miniskirts, or bright colours only a 10year old would wear!)
Why not bite the bullet, whilst at the same time not offending her, by bringing her back presents of 2-3 dresses you think would look good on her? A gift upon your return. Win win. The worst she can say is she doesn't like them.

To be fair, he is not just basing their compatibility on her dress sense.
He has said he likes girls dressing a certain way and that his GF dresses casually. The OP also indicated that he himself likes shopping for nice clothes and going out socially, whereas his GF doesn't.

With respect, I disagree with the advice of buying dresses that he would like to see her in, as dresses are not her usual style. Buying clothes is such a personal thing and as with any present, you buy for that person, not yourself. I'd imagine the GF would smile politely and the dresses would sit in her wardrobe unused.

Carpe_Diem

unsuremo wrote: »

I live and work out there. I am only home on holidays for 2 weeks for Christmas. So we spent all of that time together. See each other a lot.

So, you've known each other for a year but have actually only been together for two weeks of that year?

ElleEm

unsuremo wrote: »

Thing is, I am back home in Ireland for Christmas, she is still out in Australia. .

My understanding is he lives in Oz, she lives in Oz but he's home in Ireland for two weeks on a holiday and intends on returning to Oz after this!

Carpe_Diem

ElleEm wrote: »

My understanding is he lives in Oz, she lives in Oz but he's home in Ireland for two weeks on a holiday and intends on returning to Oz after this!

Boy, duh, you're right. Must of glazed over on that one. Thanks.

Carpe_Diem

I don't think you sound harsh, I think you know the score. You're not compatible. She likes to stay in, you like to go out. She likes to dress as she does, you'd like her to dress differently.

I think you're smart to recognize this isn't a situation that's really right for you. She may be great in a lot of areas, but there are some important ones that just aren't there. Relationships are right when it's a good fit, when the other person meets your ideal in all areas. If there are some missing, it just means they're not quite the right person. You shouldn't settle for less than the right fit. You won't be happy if you do and when you find the right one, you'll be soooo glad you didn't settle.