Saw GF 'Throwing herself' at another guy?? Or am I overreacting?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'll try keep this short and to the point.

Christmas Eve, she was extremely drunk. Closing time, she wandered off with her friend while I was packing up. I walked up the street to find her. I spotted them just up ahead, they hadn't yet seen me. There was some random guy walking up ahead of me. As he passed my girlfriend, she caught his arm, said "hey, where are you going!?" (said in a way like Joey in Friends, 'Hey how you doin')', and pulled him in towards her. I couldn't hear what was said next, then the guy leaned into try and kiss her friend, who at this stage could barely stand up she was so drunk, at this point GF spotted me, she pushed him away and said, "go away, you're a scumbag". I'm left wondering what would have happened if he tried to kiss her instead of her friend? Why would she stop a random guy like that and get up physically close to him!?

I asked her then to explain what just happened, she just looked down and wandered away. She can never explain any of things she does when she's drunk, she can never remember anything either, and of course can't remember this.

Her drinking has caused big problems between us before. She can get very rowdy and eh, how should I put it, 'unladylike', and remembers nothing the next day. She's had a rep of being a bit 'wild' before she was with me. I don't mean with men, just drunken shenanigans. There are plenty of examples and she's been barred from a few pubs, restaurants, shops, for "messin" but I'll try to stay on point.

We very very rarely fight or fall out but when we do, it's almost always drink related.

We've been together for over a year and a half. We've been living together about 4 months and it's been going great, we've been really happy.

I was supposed to stay with her Christmas eve in her mother's house but after this I decided to go to a friends then back to my parents instead. I think the most upsetting part for me was that it ruined Christmas morning for me, she didn't even bother to text me or call, which just made matters worse. She was pissed off with me for not going home with her, even though she didn't even know why.

Between one reason and another we only got to meet up tonight. It was only tonight I told her what I saw (because, of course, she doesn't flipping remember anything!). She just said that it was ridiculous and she was only having the craic and having a laugh and she would never cheat on me. Usually I would accept that because that's what she's like, she's always talking to randomers when she's p*ssed. But seeing her act like that has made me doubt her and wonder what she's like when I'm not there and she's mouldy.

I hope I haven't made her sound bad because she's an absolute sweetheart when sober, it's just the drunk that's the problem. Just seeing this incident has shook me. Am I overreacting?

curlzy

Hey OP,

Sounds like your girlfriend is an alcoholic. Alcoholism is defined as when drinking causes you problems but you continue to do it. There's a whole scale of alcoholism, it's not just homeless people drinking meths as some people think. Have a look on the internet for websites relating to alcoholism, your girlfriend sounds like she would tick alot of the boxes, the fact she blacks out and is in denial is also a flaming red flag. Educate yourself on alcoholism and then when you know alot about it you need to talk to your girlfriend. Have all your examples of incidents ready, it won't be easy, accepting that she has a problem will be the hardest thing for her to do. Also going to Al-anon would be tremendously helpful for you, it's for people who live with alcoholics in their lives so you could get some support.

Best of luck.

whatsamsn

Op...
you're going to get two complete different versions of advice on this one. I personally like to look at the facts. And you said one BIG fact:

BbBbBb wrote: »

There was some random guy walking up ahead of me. As he passed my girlfriend, she caught his arm, said "hey, where are you going!?" (said in a way like Joey in Friends, 'Hey how you doin')', and pulled him in towards her. I couldn't hear what was said next, then the guy leaned into try and kiss her friend, who at this stage could barely stand up she was so drunk, at this point GF spotted me, she pushed him away and said, "go away, you're a scumbag".

So she was drunk. Out of her bin. But... when she saw you looking she pushed him aside? ... That speaks volumes op. She wasnt that drunk to know what she was doing was wrong. (besides drink is always an excuse, you dont see to much straight guys turning gay when drunk do you :rolleyes: ) I would be really worried here if I was you. I would be questioning how she acts on nights out when your not around. And the fact was this a slip up? ... who she really is? showing what she really wants?

No one can tell you how this is going to work out but all i can say is ...

• Drink is an excuse. Its not like alcohol completely switches off our conscience and all senses. Sure she pushed him away when she saw you. Cant say she didnt know what she was doing.
• Blackouts - lies op. Yes people can blackout. I have myself. But I, or anyone else doesnt blackout every single time. And by "blackout" i mean cannot remember a single thing from every single night out :rolleyes:

thread carefully op. you may have just gotten a sneak peak of things to come.

Wompa1

whatsamsn wrote: »

Op...
you're going to get two complete different versions of advice on this one. I personally like to look at the facts. And you said one BIG fact:



So she was drunk. Out of her bin. But... when she saw you looking she pushed him aside? ... That speaks volumes op. She wasnt that drunk to know what she was doing was wrong. (besides drink is always an excuse, you dont see to much straight guys turning gay when drunk do you :rolleyes: ) I would be really worried here if I was you. I would be questioning how she acts on nights out when your not around. And the fact was this a slip up? ... who she really is? showing what she really wants?

No one can tell you how this is going to work out but all i can say is ...

• Drink is an excuse. Its not like alcohol completely switches off our conscience and all senses. Sure she pushed him away when she saw you. Cant say she didnt know what she was doing.
• Blackouts - lies op. Yes people can blackout. I have myself. But I, or anyone else doesnt blackout every single time. And by "blackout" i mean cannot remember a single thing from every single night out :rolleyes:

thread carefully op. you may have just gotten a sneak peak of things to come.

I'd agree with the above. And I know I'm a real cynic when I say this but I think alot of girls out there use drink as an excuse to sleep around and do whatever they want when drunk. Then if they say they were so drunk they think they keep on some moral high ground.

booboo88

uhm hate to be the bearer of bad news, but so is your girlfriend....bad news!
She clearly knew what she was doing enough to push the guy when AFTER she saw you.
Alot of ppl use drink as an excuse but its really a load of bull.
Im sorry but she cant remember anything from ANY night out?? I think she might need counselling, shes obviously getting so drunk to block something out!

Lady von Purple

It really does sound like alcoholism could be the issue here. But try and have a bit of an intervention first. Maybe she doesn't realise how bad she is when she drinks. She may not be receptive to the idea of stopping drinking altogether (a lot of people in this country wouldn't be) but try and persuade her to tone it down a bit. Maybe, just maybe, if you present her with the facts of 1) you are barred from these places, or 2) you have done this, and this, and this... She may realise she needs to drink alot less and head out on big nights out a lot less.
You sit her down and talk to her first, non-confrontational, and I wouldn't go using words like 'alcoholic' or anything too early. A lot of people would react badly to the implication because having a problem like that is sometimes seen as a sign of weakness. Or something to that effect.
Another idea may be to talk to one or two of her friends, ones that have a bit of sense, maybe some of them have complained about her antics before and would agree with you? And only friends you know to be discreet. But, you know, it just wouldn't hurt if she heard it from more than just you. Otherwise you may end up being the bad guy.

Tread lightly here, because the wrong handling of this issue could lead to the mother of all arguments.

Also, to the posters who suggest that this is a sign that she may cheat, well yes, it is, but it's bigger than that. The incident the OP mentioned paints his GF as maybe having a propensity to cheat. But you're overlooking the barring from places, the previous incidents, how much more argumentative she is when she drinks and how she forgets nights out. And the poster who said it's unlikely that she blacks out every time because most people don't black out every time they drink? This is true; that's because most people don't drink that much. Clearly there are a lot of warning signs here and, OP, this is an area you need to be very careful with. An issue like this is an absolute minefield. Good luck to you, I don't envy the talk you may have to have here.

hightower1

booboo88 wrote: »

uhm hate to be the bearer of bad news, but so is your girlfriend....bad news!
She clearly knew what she was doing enough to push the guy when AFTER she saw you.
Alot of ppl use drink as an excuse but its really a load of bull.
Im sorry but she cant remember anything from ANY night out?? I think she might need counselling, shes obviously getting so drunk to block something out!

+1 completely on this.

We all know tbh that if you werent there she woulda been all over this guy and in fact woulda probably been all over some other sod even earlier in the night. She isnt out of her mind as much as she would like you to belive seeing as she knew well enough to try and play dumb once she saw you catch her.... she knew she was doing wrong thats why she acted the way she did. Be rid of her and be better off for it imo.

You were there THIS TIME.....

S23

Just a couple of things. Firs off drinking is never an excuse to act the cnut. If you can't behave yourself when you drink then don't do it. It's just never, ever, ever good enough to say 'ah it wasn't me it was the drink'.

I like a drink myself and to be honest I probably overdid it last night but all I still managed to not punch anyone, puke on anyone or attempt to kiss/chat up/have sex with anyone last night. If you were to believe some of the excuses made on here then you might think thats bordering on the miraculous. However, it's just par for the course. Drinking doesn't a) automatically make you do things you don't want to or b) give you a nice get out clause if you do something you shouldn't.

Secondly on the issue of the 'I can't remember' routine from your OH. If she genuinely cannot remember anything that happens on a entire night out because she drinks so much, and this happens on a regular basis, then she has a very,very,very serious problem. You do realise not being able to remember a single detail about large parts of any given day isn't right? It's all a bit too Irish to just pretend there's nothing wrong because 'it's just the drink'.

It's more likely that she does remember what she does but uses 'ah I was plastered and haven't a clue' as a handy excuse to not be held accountable for her actions.

Anyway it all feeds back into a key issue. Why does she feel the need to drink so much and why does she then act out when she has the 'excuse' of being locked?

It's not normal to do what your girlfriend does. And it's not acceptable either. I suggest you heed the advice given on here previously and prepare yourself to face up to the fact that your OH has a drinking problem. It does sound like you care enough for her that, if you face up to this likelihood, you will be willing to try and fight through it. Just be warned it will be very tough work.

And just a note on your main question (which is very much just a symptom of the bigger problem) yep chances are if you weren't around then she could/would have gotten up to kissing and who knows what else with random strangers. However, the excessive drinking and acting out in general are the issue here.