Did something stupid

LegacyUser

Long story short... I'm a girl in mid twenties who was broken up with by my boyfriend of 2 years 6 months ago. Was upset when it happened but 2 months after this i met a guy who was gorgeous, kind and an all round nice guy. Everybody had only good things to say about him too. Anyway, everything was going great until my ex saw us and started saying him still loved me but i told him that we were history (even though i still cared about him). Things with the new guy were good and after about 3 months together we had sex for the first time. I actually tried to initiate on a couple of occasions previously and we got hot and heavy but he never seemed to push for intercourse! However during the sex, he went limp and got really embarrassed but i told him it didn't matter and we cuddled (even though it was frustrating!). He explained it was nerves because he liked me so much and wanted to make it special and his mind began working overtime, that's why it happened.

About a week later i got really drunk at a party, bumped into my ex and slept with him that night. It was good but i felt so guilty because i was starting to fall for the new guy. To cut a long story short, i broke up with the new guy(let him down easy, din't tell him what happened) because of the guilt but i'm still seeing my ex as a kind of friends with benefits kind of thing. I feel guilty because this new guy had the potential to be the one but i messed it up and had to end it with him as i didn't want to hurt him. I'm also hurt because i ruined a loving relationship with a nice guy just because i was horny and drunk. The worst thing is i'm still seeing the ex on a casual basis just to satisfy my needs so to speak. I know i sound like a bitch and to be honest i don't know what to do. Would ye tell the new guy the truth and try to get back with him? I still see him regularly due to us being at the same sports club and we are still friendly and i know he still has feelings for me!!

Sorry if this sounds confusing but my head is scrambled with these thoughts and i've drank some wine also!

curlzy

To be honest OP, yeah that was horrible. You need to stay away from the new guy because you don't sound like you're over the ex at all. I wouldn't continue to see either of them to be honest, it sounds like you're very confused and a bit selfish. Your ex only wanted you when he saw you with your guy and now he's getting sex without any commitment, your making an eejit of yourself for him. He sounds pretty immature and nasty to be honest. You'll be used by your ex and use the new guy yourself so it's a nasty triangle of hurt. So yeah be single for a while and work on yourself would be my advice.

Wompa1

Wow I feel sorry for the new guy. Didn't even get a chance to redeem himself. I guess it's your loss though, if he is "gorgeous" I'm sure he'll find someone else very quickly. I'd agree and say forget both of them for now. Maybe you should go without for a while?..let yourself gain some perspective?

Lady von Purple

Am I Horrible? wrote: »

About a week later i got really drunk at a party, bumped into my ex and slept with him that night. It was good but i felt so guilty because i was starting to fall for the new guy. To cut a long story short, i broke up with the new guy(let him down easy, din't tell him what happened) because of the guilt but i'm still seeing my ex as a kind of friends with benefits kind of thing.
I'm also hurt because i ruined a loving relationship with a nice guy just because i was horny and drunk.
Would ye tell the new guy the truth and try to get back with him? I still see him regularly due to us being at the same sports club and we are still friendly and i know he still has feelings for me!!

Obviously when a relationship of 2 years ends, it's going to be tough. There's a lot to get over, and you didn't really give yourself a chance- it sounds like this new guy was a bit of a rebound. A good, nice, kind rebound, so good call there. But maybe you didn't jump into bed with your ex because you were drunk and horny, maybe you did it because you were, drunk, horny and you missed him?

Yes, it was a bad idea to sleep with him, and it's definitely a bad idea to keep sleeping with him. But at least when it happened, you broke up with the new fella. Another alternative, by the way, would have been to tell him and try to work through it. Is it possible that he thinks you ended it because of his performance issues?

And finally, on the subject of getting back together with the new guy: As Curlzy suggested, take a break from both of them and be single for a while.
The ex bf is not good enough for you: he just wanted to get back with you because someone else had you and now that you're single he doesn't want to get back together, just sex on-tap? He's taking advantage of a vulnerable woman here! And the new guy, well telling him might do more harm than good, only you can decide how well he'd take it or how much it would hurt him. But don't try to get back with him for a while. It's scary being single again when you've been in a relationship for two years, but give it a chance. Don't try to hang on to the ex-bf, and don't try to throw yourself into a new relationship before you're ready.

Maybe you could explain to the new guy that you really like him but need some time alone for a while? But only if you're sure that if you keep him waiting, you will want to be with him properly in the end, and don't you hurt that boy again! He sounds nice. Best of luck anyway, it's a complicated situation you have here. Try and extricate yourself from the F-Buddy situation and it'll get a lot less complicated very quickly.