My brother is back in my life after 5 years and I can't stand him!

cooltown

Well I'm an 18 year old lad. I know now this is going to sound stupid. Well basically my brother who is 29 is back in my life again because he is working near home now. I used to get on with him before but now I can't stand him. He is always telling me i'm a bad boy and is slapping me over stupid things such as blow my nose when we have guest over or if i'm in his way he won't ask me to me he just slaps me instead.
We put up our x-mas tree a few weeks ago. Me my mam and my sister and we were delighted with it. We had loads of tinsel on it and colourful lights and a mix of balls. Some are from places we've being on holidays, some from my mam's childhood and loads of different colours and shapes. He didn't approve of this and he took it down because he taught it was tacky. So he bought 40 red balls and a set of clear lights and put them up instead and it is just not us.
Also on x-mas eve and x-mas day we normal listen to x-mas songs while we wrap presents on x-mas eve. Instead he gave out to us for not having it done and he insisted we listen to radio 1 instead.
Then it was x-mas morning and we normal open our presents straight away but he took them and locked them in his car because he wanted to open them after dinner.
Then is came to dinner and we do what we normally do. We normal have dinner at about 2.30 but he insisted we have it at 12.00. Then he complained about how the plates weren't up to his standards and he complained about my Mams cooking saying that it had no flavor and was bland and where he has being it was much better. My mam and sister normal has a glass of wine with dinner and I was having a beer.(i'm 18). He is a pioneer. He wouldn't allow me have my drink and poured it don the sink. We then went on to dessert and we were planning to have cheese cake and he said that wasn't suitable and he made my mam get the pudding ready even tough he was the only person that wanted to eat it and it wasn't like we had much choice for him. We had cheese cake, trifle, tiramisu and black forest. So it wasn't like he didn't have a choice.
The we went to play charades after dinner as we've done for the ast few years and he said I was being to silly and he slapped me right across the face and told me to do to bed.
Then in the afternoon we would normal watch a movie on tv and just laugh at it and then we would watch the soaps. He insisted that he watched a dvd by David McWilliams. So there was more of our funny gone.
Then yesterday he was in his same mood and we just carried on as normal.
I was going out last night and wasn't planning to come home onto 3am and he came into the bar at 11.30 and draged me out in front of all my friends because he felt I should be home by 11, My parents were at there friends house and he rang them to come home straight away and he gave me a lecture about drinking and how staying out after 11 was to late. He then went on and said to my parents what do you think of this and he gave them a lecture on parenting. My night was ruined and my parents night was ruined.
He is driving all my family mad? He sucks the fun out of stuff!
What should we do?

tinkerbell

Why are you putting up with this? Tell him to F off next time he does something to you. He is slapping you? Why aren't your parents standing up for you? He's physically abusing you and he sounds like an absolute a-hole.

He's 29, has he moved back in? What do your parents think when he goes on at them and disrespects them? Your parents need to tell him where to go. If he is so god damn great and self-righteous, then why is he still living at home with mammy and daddy at 29? He sounds like a right git OP, I feel really bad for you

And also, next time he tries to pull the stunt of dragging you out of a bar when you are out with your friends, tell him to F off and get away from you. If he tries to drag you out of there, complain to the bar management and get the bouncer to throw him out.

Jees OP, he sounds like an absolute nightmare. I would not put up with that crap from anybody, and I don't know why your parents let him rule the roost ....???

John400

First off, he just should not be hitting you in any way whatsoever! Be it a slap or this that and the other!!...in fact that's bordering on domestic violence.

Also this heavy handed attitude from him just should not be tolerated by anybody including you and your family..he should be abiding by the house rules when he's in your parents house.

If he continues in this vein, i'd nearly consider calling the local Gardai to your house, especially if he hits you again in the presence of other family members.

He sounds like a bit of an anti-Christ, so if this continues..i'd also consider getting legal advice to get a barring order against him, so he can't go near you or your family,

tinkerbell

I completely agree with the above poster - he is physically assaulting you. Tell him to stay the hell away from you and you will not be bullied by him and if he lays another finger on you, you will call the gardaí on him.

I just don't understand why your parents are allowing him to behave this way under their roof ....

John400

tinkerbell wrote: »

I completely agree with the above poster - he is physically assaulting you. Tell him to stay the hell away from you and you will not be bullied by him and if he lays another finger on you, you will call the gardaí on him.

I just don't understand why your parents are allowing him to behave this way under their roof ....

Agreed.

If he dares to lay another finger on you, call the Gardai.

cooltown

He was gone for so long my parents are happy he's back. That why they letting him rule the roost.

ziedth

I would have let some of it slide up to the night out where he dragged an 18 year old man home.

My advice, talk to your parents just use the main points from your OP. But, you can't take this **** off anyone. Long lost brother or not.

Are you working? Maybe move out?

VinnyTGM

If it were me, I'd kick the living sh1t out of h....

if you're not too fond of that call the gardai as said above.

Do something though, don't take that crap off him.

MRBEAVER

can't believe ye are so gullible to be falling for this wind up. reasonable sensible chtistmas traditions being banned by evil Gringe. An Aprils fools joke at Christmas. He locked the Christmas presents away and forced the family to watch a David McWilliams DVD. Then he slapped me and told me to go to bed. The ridicilousnedd and humour in the OP makes the responses eith their moral indignation and richeougness. even more ridiculous.

cooltown

MRBEAVER wrote: »

Can't believe ye are so gullible to be falling for this wind up. reasonable sensible chtistmas traditions being banned by evil Gringe. An Aprils fools joke at Christmas. He locked the Christmas presents away and forced the family to watch a David McWilliams DVD.

I am actually telling the truth!
The dvd was David McWilliam and the popes children I think!

MRBEAVER

David McWilliams had a book called "The Pope's children" There is no DVD of this book He did make a TV series last year so I suppose you could claim that he recorded it and forced you and your family to watch it on chtistmas day as punishment. Although I thought it was quite insightful and interesting.

cooltown

MRBEAVER wrote: »

David McWilliams had a book called "The Pope's children" There is no DVD of this book He did make a TV series last year so I suppose you could claim that he recorded it and forced you and your family to watch it on chtistmas day as punishment. Although I thought it was quite insightful and interesting.

Link to buy DVD!
http://www.towerrecords.ie/product/22_11_2006_12:51:00/In_Search_Of_The_Popes_Children[DVD]/25748
The link won't post for me. Just google in search of the popes children dvd. If you don't believe me!

MRBEAVER

Link doesn't work but it seems you are right. David McWlliams did make a series of documentaries based on his book. which may be available on DVD. This however does not detract from my contention that your story in the original post is a contrived wind up.

muboop1

MRBEAVER wrote: »

Link doesn't work but it seems you are right. David McWlliams did make a series of documentaries based on his book. which may be available on DVD. This however does not detract from my contention that your story in the original post is a contrived wind up.

no offense mate... but if your not going to help or offer advice, piss off. guy came here for help not your nit picking. get over yourself dude.

anyway, dude, your 18 somethings got to give. talk to your parents and if they wont sort it. next time he touches you physically... well id hit him back hard... but its prob best just to say stop. and if he does it again threaten the garda.

but... if your going to make threats be willing to follow through.

regarding your paremts... write out for them what you wrote to us and let them see in writing whats happening. its easy to turn a blind eye to things. but having it in front of you is writing is different... harder to ignore.

johnboysligo

cooltown wrote: »

He was gone for so long my parents are happy he's back. That why they letting him rule the roost.

I think they are letting him piss on everyone from on high.

you have the patience of a saint to put up with a ****e hawkin retard like that. 29 years old my ass he sounds like a 7 year old telling his 4 year old brother what to to do and kicking up a fuss when he doesn't get his way. sorry for the language but my brother has a streak like that in him. ( he wouldn't hit me because I would either call the gardai or break a chair over his head)

My older brother is similar he is also 29, never done a thing wrong in his own eyes and would do exactly the same as your brother would if he got the chance but my mum has enough sense to tell him its her way or the highway. Hes crude, obnoxious, thick, and ignorant to the point of being destructive ( used a hatchet to split a log on a marble fireplace which he smashed ) but my mum loves him enough to not to listen or take his bull****.

Tell your parents they can admit to having raised a nearly 30 year old asshole who insists in hurting, insulting and embarrassing you and they do not curb his attitude you will get the gardai involved the second he lays a finger on you again. Your 18 years old and putting up with this kind of treatment at the hands of another adult under the eyes of your parents is beyond understanding, its insanity.

best of luck op a lesser man would have cracked already.



p.s. if he touches you again hit him right back he is nothing but a bully. If he calls the gardai he had better pull a nice rabbit out of his ass to explain why he was allowed hit you but your not allowed to touch him. (unfortunately for gardai and most police around the world they deal with domestic family member vs member violence every day it is normal in their line of work and almost always a good idea to get them involved early)

cooltown wrote: »

What should we do?

tell him to **** off with a capital F and OFF in the most impolite way possible. He has no right to tell you how to live he has no right to tell his own parents in their own home how to raise children ( even though your not a child ) and that if he enjoyed himself so much in his 5 year absence that he can enjoy the remainder of his life with his family absent.

tenchi-fan

Cooltown, ignore your brother. If he wants to put up sh1t decorations just let him. If he wants an xmas pudding instead of cheesecake don't let it get under your skin.

but as for him "slapping" you. You're 18. It's assault. If I were you I'd tell him straight "I'm 18 and I'm going to get pissed as much as I want. You're not part of my life and I want nothing to do with you. Do not touch me again or I will report you to the gardai." Don't get drawn into the things he does that annoy you, if you stop him hitting you, you will have won.

You can also tell your parents your stance. i.e. you don't care how your brother acts, but they must tell him not to speak to you, boss you around or hit you. They want to protect your brother so they will ensure he doesn't do anything that could get him in trouble.

If he hits you after that conversation, simply follow up on your threat. It will take 10 minutes to report the incident and it will be a nice black mark on his file down the road.

deisemum

If he assaults you again don't let misguided loyalty to your parents stop you from reporting him to the gardai.

I reported one of my sister's and my mother for assaulting me years ago and they were cautioned and warned to keep away from me. I only regret I didn't do it sooner.

Esoteric_

"You're not my father, I'm an adult, now back the f*ck up," followed by -

"hello, is this the Garda station? Yes? I'd like to report my brother for assault."

Nevyn

MRBEAVER and VinnyTGM are both banned from this forum for a week.

LegacyUser

I'd be a bit against calling the Gardaí straight away. Have you actually tried discussing this with your brother, OP? Actually telling him you don't like being slapped and won't stand for it anymore. Tell him that he's been gone for 5 years while you've been here and this is your home more than it is his and that he will have to respect you. Talk to your parents, tell them how you feel. If you do all of this and he still slaps you, then call the Gardaí. At least you've gone the diplomatic route first.

I know how you feel though, we had a similar situation when my sister was living at home. I pretty much had to tell my parents to stand up for themselves and then I had to stand up for them in front of my sister, telling her to leave them alone. My mum would often come to me and I would tell her to say to my sister that if she wanted to live under this roof, then they would have to respect her. Eventually my mum managed to get the guts to give her an ultimatum. Now she's living in England with an amazing job.

John400

ziedth wrote: »

I would have let some of it slide up to the night out where he dragged an 18 year old man home.

I wouldn't have let any form of domestic abuse 'slide' against anybody unfortunate enough to find themselves in this position.

As has been said, if the OP is struck by his brother again while his family are in the house or if the OP is alone, then the OP has no alternative but to call the local Gardai.

The OP's brothers behaviour should have a zero tolerance level. While the brother is in the family home he should be abiding by his parents house rules...end of story. This guy should not be laying a finger on any family member.

If the brother's domineering attitude continues, i'd get the Gardai involved..and i'd seriously consider getting a barring order against the brother.

ziedth

John400 wrote: »

I wouldn't have let any form of domestic abuse 'slide' against anybody unfortunate enough to find themselves in this position.

As has been said, if the OP is struck by his brother again while his family are in the house or if the OP is alone, then the OP has no alternative but to call the local Gardai.

The OP's brothers behaviour should have a zero tolerance level. While the brother is in the family home he should be abiding by his parents house rules...end of story. This guy should not be laying a finger on any family member.

If the brother's domineering attitude continues, i'd get the Gardai involved..and i'd seriously consider getting a barring order against the brother.

fair point, I was actually refering to taking over Christmas and the DVD. I should have said not including the slaps.

cooltown

Thanks for the advice. I don't think I'll go to the gardai. I know that he was in a relationship up until September and he she broke up with him and he tried to kill himself in October. That is the reason why my parents won't do anything about him.
When he hits me it doesn't hurt me one bit. I know I could knock him out if I wanted to. I just don't see why he should hit me. He has no control over me he is only my brother after all. I am an adult and I have the right to do what I want within reason as long as it is legal and he has no right to stop me.
Just this morning I caought him trying to read my texts but I have a lock on my phone so he wasn't able to and he wanted to know what I was hidding. I simple told him it was nothing to do with him!

johnboysligo

Sound like his life has fallen apart and he is taking it out on you guys.

if he is not already in some form of therapy recommend it in a tactful way it would save your family from just being his physical and mental punching bag.

cooltown

johnboysligo wrote: »

Sound like his life has fallen apart and he is taking it out on you guys.

if he is not already in some form of therapy recommend it in a tactful way it would save your family from just being his physical and mental punching bag.

Honestly he has always being like that. It is just how it is. When I was younger and he was slapping me around I just tought he was doing his job.
He is seeing somebody since mid November. So he is talking to somebody!

johnboysligo

so he is a bully than. .... suicidal bully.... that's a tough one. If you and your family don't put some kind of pressure on him to stop being an ass the second you or a family member loses patience with him it could undo his therapy.

tinkerbell

Look, I'm sorry that your brother is going through a tough time right now but that is still no excuse whatsoever for his behaviour. He is a bully, and it doesn't matter how depressed he is - there is no excuse for the way he is treating you.

You need to have it out with him - tell him that you are not accepting his behaviour anymore. He is not to lay a finger on you ever again, and if he does you will report him to the gardaí (even though you said you would not go to them, he doesn't know that does he?). He also has no right to butt into your life and tell you how to lead it. He needs to respect your privacy and stop being such a control freak and taking his anger out on you.

Good luck.

Esroh

Op
No matter what your brother is going thru is no excuse.
You story reminds me of my older brother. He used to come home at Christmas for a few days and not at anyother time of year when we were all teens and he had left.
He was never happy with anything we his siblings did(would never have a go at my parents as he knew my father would not take it).
I think you should talk this over with your Father. I think he maybe keeping stum as your mother is asking him to. Maybe the 2 of you could then have a word with your brother.
Your Brother will come looking for you again on Friday night if this is not sorted.

John400

cooltown wrote: »

Thanks for the advice. I don't think I'll go to the gardai. I know that he was in a relationship up until September and he she broke up with him and he tried to kill himself in October. That is the reason why my parents won't do anything about him.
When he hits me it doesn't hurt me one bit. I know I could knock him out if I wanted to. I just don't see why he should hit me. He has no control over me he is only my brother after all.

Mate, he just should not be striking/ hitting you in any way whatsoever!!

His previous personal problems does not translate into a licence that he can hit you when he feels like it.

Even if you feel he's not hurting you he shouldn't be blooming doing it in the first place! End of Story.

A continuation of this domineering behaviour from him towards you and your family is dangerous, and i'd involve the Gardai if it continues.