please help me on how serious this is

gillian1983

hi guys another depressing thread from me i'm afraid.
i found out my boyfriend scored a girl he works with.
a mutual friend told me by text and im very hurt.
what exactly does "score" mean?
did he have sex with the girl or kiss her passionately?
im so lost for words..

scarymoon1

well scored could mean either kissed or had sex with her. but does it matter eitherway op? he cheated on you ( allegedly by your friend ) thats unforgivable.

gillian1983

scarymoon1 wrote: »

well scored could mean either kissed or had sex with her. but does it matter eitherway op? he cheated on you ( allegedly by your friend ) thats unforgivable.

i can see your point and im very hurt but i feel a kiss is forgiveable.
i dunno, sex is just so much more serious. anyway my friend claimed they just kissed and then went their separate ways.
im obviously distraught and confused but i know he loves me. im his best friend and he sees me all the time. he was on a work night out and i know he's been in a relationship with me from a young age and hes never had a one night stand or been with many women. maybe he was curious so i can understand that. he texted me saying that its not true but this friend of mine never drinks and he swore to me that he saw it with his own eyes.
hes never been wrong before and i trust him.my boyfriend has been quite distant with me in the past month so i kinda think its true also.
can i forgive it if it was just a kiss? i mean maybe he was curious to kiss another girl. hes never been the player type and i know he never would want anything more to do with the girl.

John400

He denied it by texting you? Very bad sign. A sign of his guilt as he has a get out clause.

If he genuinely didn't kiss any girl on his work night out he should be at least able to talk to you on the phone or face-to-face about it.

Also your mutal friend and God knows how many other people finding out about it before you did. Not good. How do you know he won't do it again?

I'd give him his P45. On his bike as they say.

BraziliaNZ

If it's just a kiss and he genuinely wants to carry on a relationship with you then I definitely think it's forgiveable. It may lead to trust issues in future but it depends on how serious he is about you from now on. It's only a kiss, these things happen a lot more than you think, just usually no one finds out about it.

liah

If he confesses and you do decide you're somewhat okay with it (or rather, that you can get past it), make sure you don't inadvertently set a precedent where he starts to think it's okay and pushes his boundaries further.

His way of handling it strikes me as a bit.. off, but if he's inexperienced then he may just not have any clue.

G-Money

If you want to be black and white about it, one could say it doesn't matter whether he snogged or has been seeing her for ages behind your back, cheating is cheating.

I think you need to focus on what you consider acceptable or in the case, forgiveable, in your relationship. For some people, they might begrudgingly turn a blind eye to someone snogging, but not sex. Others find either unacceptable.

Reading between the lines it seems like if it was just a snog, you'd be willing to let him off with it, but not if he went further. I can't say whether you are right or wrong to do that, everyone is different, but I wouldn't be interested in some girl who cheated on me, regardless of whether she snogged him or made heel marks in the ceiling from the sex. She'd be out the door.

Also, if you decide to forgive him, you shouldn't really say you forgive him if in fact you're still harbouring some sort of resentment or hurt about it and end up just keeping it as ammunition to use at a later date.

Don't get me wrong, he's completely in the wrong here if he's cheated. Just try and think clearly and don't let emotions lead you to make a bad decision.

All the best.

killerking

gillian1983 wrote: »

hi guys another depressing thread from me i'm afraid.
i found out my boyfriend scored a girl he works with.
a mutual friend told me by text and im very hurt.
what exactly does "score" mean?
did he have sex with the girl or kiss her passionately?
im so lost for words..

Score means a kiss.

Fluorescence

Can you trust the friend who told you this?

greenprincess

I have forgiven a kiss, my bf kissed a girl in a night club while i was there! He doesnt remember it.
You just have to decide if you are going to forgive him or not, and if you are then you will have to trust him again, because if you hold it against him it will tear you apart.

Good luck

curlzy

killerking wrote: »

Score means a kiss.

In my circle it means shag. Either way he kissed the person so it's neither here nor there. Anyway OP, the fact he didn't immediately come over and admit what he did, apologize PROFUSELY and talk it through sounds to me like you relationship isn't terribly important to him. I could never put up with cheating whether it's kissing or sex, it would be a dealbreaker for me, but if for some reason it wasn't a dealbreaker, the way he handled it definately would be. He just text you about it? He doesn't give a **** by the sounds of it. I'd say this is the start of a long slide into a nasty breakup, it may be that he wants to be sowing his wild oats but doesn't have the balls to finish it. Do him a favour, finish it for him.

Best of luck.

Firetrap

The thing which caught my eye was you mentioning that he has been a bit distant for a while. You're giving him an awful lot of leeway here I think, especially seeing as he denied it by text of all things. You're saying you'd let him off if he just kissed her, you reckon that he's not going to have anything more to do with this girl and that because he's been with you since a young age, that he might be curious.