Does councilling really work?

LegacyUser

Long story short
Had the typical troubled childhood, suicide mom at xmas when I was 8 and violent nasty father.
Went completely into myself, never spoke unless spoken too, enjoyed cutting myself.
Panic attacks culminated in failed suicide attempt.
Referred to doc, went on drugs which i got off as quick as possible.
All this was like 30 years ago and I'm still struggling.
When does this crap ever end?
I've tried 3 or 4 councillors, each one probably helped a bit, but I'm fed with being up and down all the time.
I just dont like myself very much. I have a very short fuse, really bad violent temper. I dont hit other people, I actually hit myself or smash doors or stuff, which is obviously horrible for my OH to watch.
And when I'm not in red mist mode, i'm just a miserable git, not posiitive, slagging people off, throughly nasty person
Basically a lot of the time I hate myself and want to die. I dont see the point of me and if it wasnt for the kids, I would have proably offed myself long ago

cafecolour

Counseling can work with a good counselor and commitment and patience on your part. There's no easier way, unfortunately.

WolfBlassed

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PLEASE READ FORUM CHARTER

L.Jenkins

It's hard to find the right Counsellor. You need to identify one qualified to assist you with your specific needs and your GP or Citizens Information office might be able to help. From there, any Counsellor should help you formalise a plan bit by bit to over come these issues at your own pace.

While your past might leave a lasting impression, it shouldn't define you and certainly isn't a reason to off yourself. As you said, you have kids and you know they would feel just as rotten as you did when your own mother past on. One day you'll find peace and contentment, but it takes work. So just keep on keeping on and you'll get there.

LegacyUser

Ok, I really need to do something, its affecting my r/ship

How can you tell/get the right councillor?

I've had one tell me I was emotionally withholding?
But couldnt explain what they meant.

Another one, recorded all our conversations and said they were writing a book.

What about drugs, although the GP will record it and can your employer or future employer use it as a reason to sack you, demote, dont promote you?

electro shock treatment?

Can anyone recommend one in the Trim area or North Dublin

Monkey Allen

Have you tried self help books? Some of them are written by far more qualified counsellors than you'll find near you.

7 habits of highly effective people is one I'd recommend.

sambuka41

steer clear of self help books, they might be fine for stress management but as you've said you have issues that stem from childhood. Theres no book out there to help with that (would be great if there was!!)

As well as trying to find a qualified counselor you need to find the type of therapy that suits you best. It depends really on what you are hoping to achieve,it doesnt sound like short term intervention therapy like CBT would work. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy will go back to childhood,it one of the talking therapies and can take a long time.

Your GP can help you with this or in the psychology forum there is a thread with advice.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055169338

Hope things work out for you

Monkey Allen

sambuka41 wrote: »

steer clear of self help books, they might be fine for stress management but as you've said you have issues that stem from childhood. Theres no book out there to help with that (would be great if there was!!)

As well as trying to find a qualified counselor you need to find the type of therapy that suits you best. It depends really on what you are hoping to achieve,it doesnt sound like short term intervention therapy like CBT would work. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy will go back to childhood,it one of the talking therapies and can take a long time.

Your GP can help you with this or in the psychology forum there is a thread with advice.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055169338

Hope things work out for you

I think thats a bit of an uneducated opinion on self help books. They wont solve your problems but they can put you on the right path. Many are useless but there are some outstanding ones that can make a real difference.

sambuka41

Monkey Allen wrote: »

I think thats a bit of an uneducated opinion on self help books. They wont solve your problems but they can put you on the right path. Many are useless but there are some outstanding ones that can make a real difference.

Not for the types of issues the op has described. They wont be any use. He would be better off speaking with trained professionals who can help him.

Theres a time and a place for self help books and i dont think this is it.

Monkey Allen

sambuka41 wrote: »

Not for the types of issues the op has described. They wont be any use. He would be better off speaking with trained professionals who can help him.

Theres a time and a place for self help books and i dont think this is it.

The OP isnt going to pick up a 'how to quite smoking' book in trying to find out how to deal with their issues. There are self help books that help with everything. Counselling is just another aid, not a fix. I dont recommend avoiding counselling but to look at other avenues such as self help books.

The beauty of a credible self help book is that you are not facing someone and think you're being judged. And you dont get to argue with the book. You read it and make of it what you will. 90% of counselling is the patient talking. I agree or long term problems require long term therapy. But theres plenty to learn from the right self help book.

curlzy

Oh wow OP, that is just awful. To not like yourself to that extent must just horrific. My heart's breaking for you because you never really had a chance, did you??? God what a horrible start to life you had. I've been to a few councellers in my lifetime. First was good, second alright but the 3rd was life altering. Funnily enough he was a priest councellor, I'm atheisist myself but religion never came into it. He helped me to find my self-worth, confidence and helped me through a very very very difficult time. My advice to you is to go and join some support groups maybe, Aware for the depression and a support group for anger and so on?? Try a few councellors, if you don't gel well, move on to a different one, btw that doesn't mean if you find it difficult move on, more so if you find you can't open up and talk about the really hard stuff, such as your mother and father, then they might not be the councellor for you. I really just wish I could give you a hug, you probably never grieved properly for your mother, you had a violent father so wouldn't have got support from him, sounds like you were alone emotionally from the very start. You don't deserve hatred, at all, you deserve pity, you were just a child when all that started, how could you possibley end up healthy, god you probably internalised every bad thing that happened. Please op, get some help, if not for you, then for your kids, if not for them then for the little boy that all those horrific things happened too, inside you is a very damaged and upset child. Big hug OP, with all my heart I hope you find a way to feel better.


BTW, emotionally withholding meant you wouldn't let yourself feel the things you were pushing down, it's hard but you have to go through the emotions to process them and move on rather than push them down and ignoring them, such as grief, anger, dispair.

L.Jenkins

Longtermtroubled wrote: »

Ok, I really need to do something, its affecting my r/ship

How can you tell/get the right councillor?

I've had one tell me I was emotionally withholding?
But couldnt explain what they meant.

If your issues are affecting your relationship, then try going to accord with your partner. They offer relationship and family Counselling. I'm sure the last thing you want to do is lose her and one thing you can do is be open and honest. Family Counselling can help you work through things together.

As for finding the right Counsellor, it can be a hard thing to do, but don't give up. You owe it to yourself to try and try until you reach that point where you can be happy and satisfied.

Another one, recorded all our conversations and said they were writing a book.

Most Counsellors do anyway, only so they have a point of reference and notes to go on for your next session.

What about drugs, although the GP will record it and can your employer or future employer use it as a reason to sack you, demote, dont promote you?

electro shock treatment?

Can anyone recommend one in the Trim area or North Dublin

If you are refering to the use of illegal drugs, then yes, there maybe a grounds for dismissal. If you are referring to drugs prescribed by your GP to assist you in your daily life to overcome anxiety, then your employer can be done for discrimination if you feel that your issues or condition has changed their opinion of you and any further advancement in your career.