Boyfriend called me Pysco after romantic surprise

LegacyUser

Morning Guys,

I am very upset about something that happened over the weekend.
I’ve been seeing a guy for the last few weeks who I think is really great.
He’s smart and funny and I’m really falling for him. I thought he felt the same way, I don’t anymore.

As it’s almost Christmas and I love this time of year I tend to get very giddy and excited
about it. I decided to do something festive and fun for my boyfriend. I love surprises and being
Romantic so I came up with what I thought was a great idea.

We were in his house last Thursday night and his flatmate mentioned that he’d gotten a spare key
cut for the apartment as he’d been locked out the week before. He said he’d leave it in a pot
in the kitchen. This gave me an idea. Later that night as we were getting ready for bed, I snook into
the kitchen and took the key.

I had a half day on Friday and went into town after work and bought myself a s*xy santa outfit. I knew my bf would be home from work at 6 o clock so I let myself into the house at about half five and got dolled up in my outfit. When he came home from work I was laying on the couch wearing the outfit. When he walked in I said surprise in a sultry voice. He got a fright at first and then laughed and then went mad. I mean he went crazy at me!

He asked me how I’d gotten in and when I told him he went ballistic. He said his flatmate would go mental too and what if he came home first. I hadn’t thought of that tbh but don’t think it’s a big deal. He said he wanted me to leave and then called me ‘psycho’.

I am absolutely shocked at his reaction. It was clear I’d made a huge effort and he had the nerve to call me pysco. It was romantic and spontaneous.

I now think he might be cheating which is why he freaked (thinking what if he had a girl with him and I did that)

What do you guys think? Should I dump him for being so cruel. I am so angry at him and he won’t take my calls.

Thanks

Beruthiel

I totally understand his reaction.

You only know each other a few weeks.
No where near enough time to steal his house key and break in to his house.
You must have given him a heart attack. And yes, it does make you come across like a pysco.
If someone I only met a few weeks ago broke into my house, I'd be changing all my locks and they would be warned never to come near me again.

Oryx

First off, I would dismiss any thoughts of him being a cheat. Thats not the issue here, and I think, just something youve clutched at as a reason for your plan going wrong.

You only know the guy a few weeks, and you pretty much broke into his house. I know YOU dont see it like that, but just reverse the roles for a second. You come home from work of an evening, tired and needing a shower, and you find some guy you only know a short while laid out on your bed in nothing but boxers. And you realise to do this he nicked your spare key. Do you think youd see the funny side, or would you freak??

I know you thought you were being every mans fantasy, but in this case you may have taken a step too far, by invading his personal space before the guy was ready. Having a key to someones house is a huge thing, and you just assumed it was ok. Clearly it was not.

I really think you need to talk to the guy face to face and assure him you werent trying to move in, and you only did it because you thought he would like it.

LegacyUser

To be honest If I came home and he had was there waiting with a rose in his mouth I’d be delighted!

I would think it was soooooo sweet and romantic and the fact he took my spare key to do it
Would just show how thoughtful he is and how much effort he went too.
I would never call him pysco and tell him to get out. I really wouldn’t.
I can't talk to him face to face cause he keeps hanging up on me or not answering.
Unless I call over there but he'd probably freak out.

John Mason

OMG :eek:

So you stole his house key and broke into his house?

i dont blame him for going mental.

Its different if your relationship had progressed to him giving you a spare key and saying "drop in whenever you feel like it"

But the way you went about it was so devious

I am not surprised you got dumped

Oryx

romanticsanta wrote: »

To be honest If I came home and he had was there waiting with a rose in his mouth I’d be delighted!

I would think it was soooooo sweet and romantic and the fact he took my spare key to do it
Would just show how thoughtful he is and how much effort he went too.
I would never call him pysco and tell him to get out. I really wouldn’t.
I can't talk to him face to face cause he keeps hanging up on me or not answering.
Unless I call over there but he'd probably freak out.

Then give the guy the space he needs.

You may end up chalking this relationship up as a lesson in other peoples boundaries. They are not always the same as your own.

fatmammycat

Yikes, not cute at all. You stole a key and broke into the man's house. I would not be impressed with someone who did that to me, and as for thinking he's cheating, wow. You have a bit of a nerve to try make this into something he might be doing wrong.
Boundaries, learn about them.

John Mason

romanticsanta wrote: »

To be honest If I came home and he had was there waiting with a rose in his mouth I’d be delighted!

I would think it was soooooo sweet and romantic and the fact he took my spare key to do it
Would just show how thoughtful he is and how much effort he went too.
I would never call him pysco and tell him to get out. I really wouldn’t.
I can't talk to him face to face cause he keeps hanging up on me or not answering.
Unless I call over there but he'd probably freak out.

you would think it was sweet that some man you bearly knew had stolen your front door and key was letting himself in and out of your house as he pleased - seriously ???:pac:

Leave him alone, STOP phoning and texting and facebooking whatever - you are proving him right.

Leave the man alone and move on with your life

Beruthiel

romanticsanta wrote: »

To be honest If I came home and he had was there waiting with a rose in his mouth I’d be delighted!

I would think it was soooooo sweet and romantic and the fact he took my spare key to do it
Would just show how thoughtful he is and how much effort he went too.

Clearly you don't even seem to understand how many lines you crossed.
You need to take a good hard look at that.

It can be sweet and romantic if you are together for a number of years and he actually gave you a key to his house.

After only a few weeks, it's Glen Close in Fatal Attraction.

ManOfMystery

romanticsanta wrote: »

To be honest If I came home and he had was there waiting with a rose in his mouth I’d be delighted!

I would think it was soooooo sweet and romantic and the fact he took my spare key to do it
Would just show how thoughtful he is and how much effort he went too.
I would never call him pysco and tell him to get out. I really wouldn’t.
I can't talk to him face to face cause he keeps hanging up on me or not answering.
Unless I call over there but he'd probably freak out.

But that's YOU. Everyone thinks and feels differently. You can't project your own attitude towards it onto him and make him feel that you're right, he's wrong.

Me personally, I'd have called you a Psycho too.

If we were going out for a year or whatever, and I knew you very well (as did my flatmate or whoever owned the key), then yes, you surprising me in a Santa outfit would be spontaneous and romantic and there would be no negative associations with it.

However, you've only been seeing him the past few weeks. You barely know each other yet. And asides from the two of you, you've inadvertently included his flatmate in this whole debacle as he could easily have walked in too - and your guy has to consider that also as he's the one who lives there.

You went way over the top by taking his key, sorry. Too much, far too soon. Your intentions may have been good, but you really didn't think this through.

galwaystudent

romanticsanta wrote: »

To be honest If I came home and he had was there waiting with a rose in his mouth I’d be delighted!

I would think it was soooooo sweet and romantic and the fact he took my spare key to do it
Would just show how thoughtful he is and how much effort he went too.
I would never call him pysco and tell him to get out. I really wouldn’t.
I can't talk to him face to face cause he keeps hanging up on me or not answering.
Unless I call over there but he'd probably freak out.

I'm sorry but if I was going out with a girl for a few weeks and came home one evening and found her there after letting herself in I would think she is a mental case. OK, Id probably still give her one for the road but after that the relationship would be over. It really is psycho behaviour. And you never even considered that his flatmate might walk in...how could you not consider that?!?

boarduser1980

im sorry OP im gonna have to agree with everyone else
we are looking from the outside in, and you actually do come across a bit of a physco, i know you cant see it, cos your the one that did it. But you slyly taking his key after knowing him a couple of weeks, and letting yourself into his apt.
You think you were been romantic but if you stand back and look at the bigger picture.
if you wanted to be romantic, you could have went over to his apt when he was there, and nipped off to the bathroom and changed quickly into your santa outfit, but to do it the way you did is a bit too mental. im not surprised he flipped out. :rolleyes:

seamus

Beruthiel wrote: »

It can be sweet and romantic if you are together for a number of years

I think even if it was a matter of six months, it would be somewhat forgiveable.

But "a few weeks" is still in the "getting to know you, not really serious yet" stage, from his point of view you may still just be the new girl that he's seeing, and you went and broke into his flat in order to surprise him. Total violation of personal space. He's probably barely even comfortable with the "boyfriend" tag this early on, let alone having you let yourself in and out of his apartment.

I can certainly see what you were going for and why you think it was a good idea - it is a good idea, if you're in an established relationship. You're not.

ztoical

romanticsanta wrote: »

To be honest If I came home and he had was there waiting with a rose in his mouth I’d be delighted!

I would think it was soooooo sweet and romantic and the fact he took my spare key to do it
Would just show how thoughtful he is and how much effort he went too.
I would never call him pysco and tell him to get out. I really wouldn’t.
I can't talk to him face to face cause he keeps hanging up on me or not answering.
Unless I call over there but he'd probably freak out.

The key bit here is 'you' would think it was so sweet and romantic that does not mean other people would see it the same way. I'm sorry OP but I would freak out if I came home to find someone I'd only been seeing a short while in my apartment esp when I hadn't given them a key. Maybe if you'd asked the flatmate it would be a different story but you pretty much overheard a conversation between them about the spare key and then nicked it.

Johnny Bitte

romanticsanta - regardless of your inocent intentions you have "stolen" a key to he's home and "broken in"!
You may have felt he trusted you enough to do this and be ok but obviously not.

If I was was u I cut my losses, try learn from this and move on.

Big Bag of Chips

romanticsanta wrote: »

... I love surprises and being
Romantic...

But clearly he doesn't. That's the issue here. It might have been a nice surprise if he felt the same way you did, which he doesn't. You should have maybe did some research first (as in, gotten to know him a bit better and see what he likes/doesn't like!)

I think the time has come now to chalk this one down to experience. Stop contacting him. You are not going to make it better. He has made it pretty clear that he wants nothing more to do with you.

Let it go, move on and next time, find out a bit more about a fella before you plan this again!

Pebbles68

I love Christmas, I love surprises and I love romance. But I'm sorry, the real world doesn't work the same way as the movies you've been watching.

Here are the facts as he sees them; You only know him a few weeks. You took a key, you came into his home without asking.

He called you psycho and you took offence. I just looked up "psychosis" here's what I found "A mental state characterized by a loss of contact with reality and an inability to think rationally". In his eyes he probably believes he is totally correct.

Mods I'm sorry if this is inappropriate. I'm cannot diagnose anything and I'm not trying to. I just think the OP has absolutely lost touch with the seriousness of what she did and how invasive her actions were. Please delete this post if you think I've overstepped the line.

Miss Fluff

romanticsanta wrote: »

I now think he might be cheating which is why he freaked (thinking what if he had a girl with him and I did that)

Out of your many gasp-inducing statements throughout your post, this to me is by far the most shocking.

Don't you actually realise what you've done? Forget your anger and your hurt for a moment here and put yourself in his shoes. Do you honestly see nothing wrong with how you behaved?

LegacyUser

Okay guys, you all seem to be in agreement and I'll take that on board.
However, you are all looking at this only from his view and only negitively.
how about putting a positive "realistic" spin on it.

I tried to do a really romantic thing. Fair enough i failed but the intent was pure good.
I didn't steal his key either. I borrowed it to let myslef in so i could romantically surprise him.
Try to imagine how foolish I felt when he yelled at me and kicked me out. I was wearing a santa outfit trying to be seductive. I had to get dressed while being called pysco and shouted at. It was demeaning and horrible. He was cruel to em and I don't see how you don't all see that!

fatmammycat

You took something that did not belong to you without permission, you didn't borrow it, you stole it. You then broke into two, not one, but two people's home.
There is no realistic 'spin' here, there is only what happened. And what EVERYONE is telling you is that what happened is you broke boundaries and freaked a man out with inappropiate behaviour.

Miss Fluff

romanticsanta wrote: »

However, you are all looking at this only from his view and only negitively.
how about putting a positive "realistic" spin on it.

Your "realism" or the realism of all the people that have responded to this thread? Because they seem poles apart from where I'm sitting if you want the truth......

scarymoon1

I think it was a bit 'psycho' to do what you did after only a few weeks, but I agree with you his reaction was a bit mean and if I were you I would not bother calling him again op. You went to the effort of doing something nice, although it was not a good choice but the intention of being nice was there. If he can't see that then he's not worth your time and effort. Be with someone who will appreciate your efforts.

ztoical

romanticsanta wrote: »

Okay guys, you all seem to be in agreement and I'll take that on board.
However, you are all looking at this only from his view and only negitively.
how about putting a positive "realistic" spin on it.

I tried to do a really romantic thing. Fair enough i failed but the intent was pure good.
I didn't steal his key either. I borrowed it to let myslef in so i could romantically surprise him.
Try to imagine how foolish I felt when he yelled at me and kicked me out. I was wearing a santa outfit trying to be seductive. I had to get dressed while being called pysco and shouted at. It was demeaning and horrible. He was cruel to em and I don't see how you don't all see that!

OP the reason people have been looking at this from his view is that in your OP you stated you thought his reaction could be the result of him cheating on you. People have been trying to make it clear to you that his reaction while maybe a little over the top for some [not me I'd have said alot worse to you had I been in his shoes trust me] is not unrealistic given the situation.

You say we are looking from his view but you seem to be unable to look at it from any view but your own. You say borrowed, others see it as stolen, you say romantic, others see it as creepy. Yes it sucks you had to get dressed and chucked out when you thought you were being romantic but chalk it up to a life lesson and move on and next time wait a little longer into the relationship before springing for big 'romantic' gestures.

humanji

romanticsanta wrote: »

Okay guys, you all seem to be in agreement and I'll take that on board.
However, you are all looking at this only from his view and only negitively.
how about putting a positive "realistic" spin on it.

The realistic spin is that you appeared to be acting like a psychotic stalker. I know that might seem extreme, but you don't seem to be seeing it from his side at all.

If you had been in a long term relationship with the guy it'd make more sense, but it's only been a few weeks. It's an insane thing to do and it's perfectly understandable that he kicked you out. There is no other viewpoint other than you being in the wrong.

The only means of contact you seem to have is text message, as he isn't answering his phone and calling to his home will probably get the gardaí involved. So, if you haven't done so already, text an apology saying you didn't realise that it would seem so weird, but admit that you were wrong. Then leave it at that. He may never contact you again, so deal with it and learn for the future.

Zeouterlimits

You know OP, the fact that you did this, yeah, was pretty stupid, but with time get past it.
It's the fact you won't admit you're wrong that's worrying. Everyone here has disagreed with you, saying what you did was wrong, good intentions or otherwise.
You need to accept and understand your mistake.

Fittle

I think your boyfriend is right and that was a psycho thing for anyone going out with someone a few weeks to do.

<snip>

Sorry Mod...I wasn't thinking writing that.

Novella

romanticsanta wrote: »

Okay guys, you all seem to be in agreement and I'll take that on board.
However, you are all looking at this only from his view and only negitively.
how about putting a positive "realistic" spin on it.

I tried to do a really romantic thing. Fair enough i failed but the intent was pure good.
I didn't steal his key either. I borrowed it to let myslef in so i could romantically surprise him.
Try to imagine how foolish I felt when he yelled at me and kicked me out. I was wearing a santa outfit trying to be seductive. I had to get dressed while being called pysco and shouted at. It was demeaning and horrible. He was cruel to em and I don't see how you don't all see that!

You didn't borrow it, you stole it. You didn't ask for permission, it was not your key so yes, you stole it. I'm not looking at it from his POV only. I'm just looking at the situation generally, and I agree with the others - totally out of order. It'd be a really big deal to me if I came home to my apartment one evening to find a guy I'd only known for a few weeks there, by himself, after stealing a key from me. I don't know how you can't see how wrong this is.

ppink

OP I think you need to grow up a bit. I dont mean to be nasty to you but you do need to step back and think about this.
Aside from the key robbing I am sure my OH would be beyond repulsed if I flounced around his place with a santa outfit on when his mate could walk in on me....in fact it would have been the end of us for sure. For 2 weeks into a relationship it seems a little bit tartish (to me).
I am sure you were mortified at him shouting at you and no that was not a nice experience for you but really I am not sure I would expect much better from my OH in your situation.
Dont try contacting him....unless one message to say sorry that it was not meant to go so badly wrong.

Rebelheart

Jesus; the law and order brigade are out in force on this thread.:rolleyes:

OP,

Long story short: break it off with him. At least you know where you stand now. Time to take control of this relationship and end it.

/end thread.

PS: I've dealt with psychos, or as psychopathy has been known since 1980, Antisocial Personality Disorder. A lack of empathy is a strong feature of APD. Your action wasn't anything like theirs. Psychopathy: 'a mental disorder in which an individual manifests amoral and antisocial behavior, lack of ability to love or establish meaningful personal relationships, extreme egocentricity, failure to learn from experience, etc.'

ted1

lucky guy i'd be over the moon to come home to this. he may well be playing around.

Mixedup

OP I'd leave him be now if I were you, If i were him this story would be my party piece at every christmas/family party for the next 20 years!

You did a pretty crazy thing in fairness...

catch--22

<self edit> Sorry - followed a link to this and didn't notice it was in Personal Issues. Thought it was AH.

reprazant

I don't think what you did was wrong. In fact, I think it was quite nice and his reaction a bit weird.

I find peoples reactions here really weird. Its as if the Mary Whitehouse gang are writing responses. Bizarre.

Ickle Magoo

Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

colonel1

I didn't steal his key either. I borrowed it to let myslef in so i could romantically surprise him.

Unfortunately, OP the fact that you "borrowed" the key without the consent of either your boyfriend or his flatmate means that legally you have stolen it under the provisions of the Criminal Justice (Theft and Fraud Offences) Act, 2001. Consider this to be a harsh but valuable lesson, and never "borrow" anything again, irrespective of your good intentions. In the interim, it would be best if you left your boyfriend alone for now, though it is unlikely that he will want to see you again imo. But only time will tell.

humanji

Rebelheart wrote: »

Jesus; the law and order brigade are out in force on this thread.:rolleyes:

OP,

Long story short: break it off with him. At least you know where you stand now. Time to take control of this relationship and end it.

/end thread.

PS: I've dealt with psychos, or as psychopathy has been known since 1980, Antisocial Personality Disorder. A lack of empathy is a strong feature of APD. Your action wasn't anything like theirs. Psychopathy: 'a mental disorder in which an individual manifests amoral and antisocial behavior, lack of ability to love or establish meaningful personal relationships, extreme egocentricity, failure to learn from experience, etc.'

Rebleheart, if you met me and we became friends, nothing romantic or anything like that, just two friends, would you have a problem with me breaking into your house after a few weeks of knowing you? Does that not seem a little extreme?

And it's great that you have experience with psychopathy and all, but have you dealt with those with extreme obsessions? People who latch on to someone after only a short amount of time, thinking that they are madly in love? These never turn out well for either party. And that is exactly what I would think if the OP did that to me.

It's great in hindsight that the OP seems to have jsut made a mistake, but at the time, I'd go through the f*cking roof and be very glad I don't keep rabbits.

ted1 wrote: »

lucky guy i'd be over the moon to come home to this. he may well be playing around.

reprazant wrote: »

I don't think what you did was wrong. In fact, I think it was quite nice and his reaction a bit weird.

I find peoples reactions here really weird. Its as if the Mary Whitehouse gang are writing responses. Bizarre.

I find it insane that breaking into someone you barely know's house is ok with you people. After being ni a relationship for a while it'd be grand, but not a few weeks.

Knasher

Generally in relationships giving somebody a key is considered a bit of a big step, you completely ignored this when you took it. You effectively demonstrated that you have no respect for his boundaries and even if you had the very best of intentions your execution was all wrong.

At this point all you can do is chalk this up to a learning exercise and move on, I really don't see any way of repairing your relationship. In the future I'd recommend you be a lot more cautious and respectful of your partners boundaries.

And the suggestion that you break up with him is a little redundant, I'm fairly certain that he has already broken up with you.

reprazant

humanji wrote: »

I find it insane that breaking into someone you barely know's house is ok with you people. After being ni a relationship for a while it'd be grand, but not a few weeks.

You see, I don't see it as breaking in or stealing the key. I see it as her borrowing the key so that she could surprise her boyfriend with a sexy santa costume.

To immediately call her a psycho and to compare her to Gen Close says more about you then her.

She tried to do something romantic, spontaneous and sexy and her threw her out and now won't speak to her yet she is the immature psycho.

If told him they were going somewhere dull and instead whisked him away for a romantic weekend somewhere, people here would probably accuse her of kidnapping him.

blackbird98

as most others said, it was a bit much after only a few weeks.

I think I would have called you a Psycho too. Sorry if this sounds too harsh, but the fact that you still think he's in the wrong makes me think that you're delusional as well.

take it as a lesson learned, and move on.

star-pants

Sorry OP - whilst it might not have felt nice him yelling at you when you thought you were surprising him, you were waaaaaaaay out of line doing what you did.

You know the guy a few weeks... if I found a guy I'd dated for such a short time had gotten into my house/apartment 'waiting' for me when I got home I'd freak out too.
You don't understand the implications of what you did.

Apart from taking a key that didn't belong to you, without consent, and essentially breaking into his place, you've made a move that suggests you see the relationship in a completely different light to what he (and to be honest most people would) in this situation. You've invaded his personal space without permission, you've assumed trust in areas where it wasn't yet earned, and you've put the 'psycho' hat on yourself.

And the fact you jump to the conclusion that he must be cheating based on his reaction just proves you obviously have issues with relationships. You don't get personal boundaries, and you don't understand his reaction logically. You assume he must be angry in case he'd had another girl with him, not the fact that he was angry you broke into his house.

What if he'd gone out after work? What if his housemate had come home first?

What *would* have been romantic was when you were already over in his place, when he popped to have a shower or something, you quickly changed into something sexy in his bedroom and waited for him to come back. That would have been nice.
You took it a level too far and I honestly think you've burnt the bridges with this guy, I'd do as others have said, apologise & then leave him alone & just chalk it up to something you have to learn.

star-pants

reprazant wrote: »

If told him they were going somewhere dull and instead whisked him away for a romantic weekend somewhere, people here would probably accuse her of kidnapping him.

That's quite different actually. That would have been a decision 'to go out together somewhere' made by both parties. Changing the venue of the location as a surprise is ok, it's not an invasion of boundaries or trust.

humanji

reprazant wrote: »

You see, I don't see it as breaking in or stealing the key. I see it as her borrowing the key so that she could surprise her boyfriend with a sexy santa costume.

To immediately call her a psycho and to compare her to Gen Close says more about you then her.

She tried to do something romantic, spontaneous and sexy and her threw her out and now won't speak to her yet she is the immature psycho.

If told him they were going somewhere dull and instead whisked him away for a romantic weekend somewhere, people here would probably accuse her of kidnapping him.

You're missing some huge points here.

1) she wasn't invited into the house, therefore she broke in.
2) she was only gonig out with him for a couple of weeks. Such a gesture may be fine in a longer relationship, but when you're just starting to go out with someone it is well over the line.
3) imagine you came home one day and found someone you were going out with for a couple of weeks had broken into your home. Can you honestly think that it's a good idea? You wouldn't flip from the shock of it? It's not creepy that she would do it? And it's not odd that she still doesnt' think she did anything wrong?

Of course he's going to call her a psycho. The whole shock of this happening to you is not going to make you think fondly of that person right at that moment. It's a huge breach of personal space and privacy and she had no right to do it, no matter what her intentions.

If she's lucky, the guy will calm down, maybe call her and they'll laugh about it. But I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he never wants to talk to her again.

ztoical

reprazant wrote: »

You see, I don't see it as breaking in or stealing the key. I see it as her borrowing the key so that she could surprise her boyfriend with a sexy santa costume.

This is what the issue is - you and the OP see it as borrowing, the BF and most people on this thread see it as stealing. It doesn't matter what the OP thought at the end of the day it was the BF's home and if he didn't feel comfortable with her entering it like that and viewed taking the key as stealing then that's the opinion that mattered not ours or the OP's.

reprazant wrote: »

To immediately call her a psycho and to compare her to Gen Close says more about you then her.

She tried to do something romantic, spontaneous and sexy and her threw her out and now won't speak to her yet she is the immature psycho.

If told him they were going somewhere dull and instead whisked him away for a romantic weekend somewhere, people here would probably accuse her of kidnapping him.

She tired doing something with a guy she's only been dating a couple of weeks. We [and going by his reaction I assume her] don't know his history or what he is like as a person. Some people like their space more then others. I know I'm very very slow to allow people [friends or BF's] into my space so I would take it very badly if someone I'd only known a few weeks thought they could just waltz into my personal space regardless of what their intentions were. There is also the issue that it's not 100% his space. It's a shared space with another person that the OP has admitted to not even thinking about. We don't know what relationship the BF and flatmate have and there might have been a past issue with a GF hanging around the house which irked one or both of them.

reprazant

Fair enough, I can understand what the two of you are saying, and agree with it to a certain extent, although I would not feel exactly the same way. As I said, I would be quite pleased she was there was a sexy santa, but then, a bit wary that she was there in the first place.

I find the bf reaction of throwing her out and refusing to talk to her really very immature. It would seem with this though, I am also in the minority.

ManOfMystery

We also have only the OPs point of view on this. She took his key, let herself in and as far as she claims, simply changed into the Santa outfit and waited for him.

But let's remember, the OP has only known her a few weeks. In his mind, she could have been in there for hours checking through his drawers, his private belongings, letters, whatever. In fact I'd imagine this is exactly what he thought, and why he went from laughing at first to getting angry - when the absurdity of what was happening wore off and realisation dawned on him.

She had no respect for his personal boundaries at all. Her intentions may have been good, but that's not the point - she should never have taken a key and invited herself into his home, not after a few weeks of dating.

Now I'm not playing the sexist card here, this is merely to add some perspective - if a man had done the same thing and let himself into his new gf's home, and her flatmate had come back, you can rest assured the Guards would have been called. It's a serious thing regardless of who did it, and the fact that she's treating it like some trivial romantic joke is all a bit surreal - is reality really alluding her that much?

humanji

reprazant wrote: »

Fair enough, I can understand what the two of you are saying, and agree with it to a certain extent, although I would not feel exactly the same way. As I said, I would be quite pleased she was there was a sexy santa, but then, a bit wary that she was there in the first place.

I find the bf reaction of throwing her out and refusing to talk to her really very immature. It would seem with this though, I am also in the minority.

Well, his reaction is a bit harsh, but understandable in a way. Now, it only happened this weekend, so it might all turn out for the best once heads clear. But that's for the OP and the guy to sort out for themselves.

Big Bag of Chips

OP it's obvious that you did it with good intentions. But he didn't like it. And he's allowed not to like it! Ok, his reaction was maybe over the top and immature.. but I'm guessing you're both a bit young, and possibly immature - and a bit more living will sort you both out!

Now leave him alone.. you are only making yourself look worse - and you can bet he's getting mileage out of it with all his friends! Don't make it worse for yourself by pleading and begging him.

Just walk away now, and learn a lesson.. get to know people a bit better before letting yourself into their house.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I think people are being very harsh with you here. I don't think you're psycho or that you "have relationship issues":rolleyes:, I wouldn't be so condesending and arrogant as to think I can make that kind of judgement based on one post. However, I think you got carried away with your idea and didn't think it through. You were in his home, you could have been nosing through any of his private stuff so I think that's why he freaked out. You should defo stop trying to contact him, he's made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want to see you, why humiliate yourself any further??? So yeah just leave the guy alone and in future stop and think before you surprise someone.

CdeC

I think you'll eventually look back on this and laugh.
It was a bit soon for a sexy suprise, no problem just move on and if he eventually gets over it he'll contact you. I'm sure you meant no harm but we live and learn in these issues.

thefeatheredcat

Hey OP,

I think if anybody came home from work and found someone which could be anyone who wasn't supposed to have access to their home there, I could safely say for myself I would react the same. In fact I would probably have grabbed the first thing within reach to protect myself with in such a shock. In fairness you bf in his eyes, you could have been anyone, not just his girlfriend, but anyone. Bare that in mind when you reconsider the other posts and his reaction.

It's sounds like the initial idea was very much on impulse and not thought out too well. a nice idea, if you had known eachother months or years and actually held a key with his consent. It would have actually maybe worked if you had invited him over to your place and be dressed up there. So yes, a nice thought, but badly planned and backfired.

Firstly, the key issue. That information about the key was not for you to really do anything about - you knew where it was, but I think the issue that you can't seem to see is that you broke trust in taking the key so to let yourself in. That's like your bfs housemate telling him there's €50 for groceries/bills in the plant pot.... and then you go sneak downstairs to take it, for example, to pay the bill for them as a nice gesture. It would be seen as stealing. Plain and simple. Imagine, if for example, the housemate was back at the house before you got there and realised that the key was missing? What would have happened then? Or in fact, walked in on you around the house, unknown it was you? Probably would have called the Gardai as an intruder was seen in the house. I don't blame them for not wanting to talk to you, imagine what they are thinking, for all they know you rummaged through all their things and stole money, dvds, cds, or whatever. Seriously, what are these guys to think?

I also don't think you understand that as a result of your actions, a whole new lock (which aren't cheap) will have to be installed on the door, as for all your bf or his housemate knows, you made copies. If you were sneaky enough to steal the key, then why not make a copy or two for yourself?

romanticsanta wrote: »

I didn't steal his key either. I borrowed it to let myslef in so i could romantically surprise him.
Try to imagine how foolish I felt when he yelled at me and kicked me out. I was wearing a santa outfit trying to be seductive. I had to get dressed while being called pysco and shouted at. It was demeaning and horrible. He was cruel to em and I don't see how you don't all see that!

Back to the key. Ok, taking something that does not belong to you without permission IS stealing. There is no such thing as borrowing in order to surprise them, as in that case, there is usually someone in the know about it. If you know your house mate has milk in the fridge or a sandwich and you take it without asking, is that not stealing?

Onto the rest - ok it was embarrassing, it was humiliating being shouted out, and obviously upsetting for you to have received such a reaction. Anyone with a good intent when it goes wrong, would feel that way, so that is understandable, but you need to put your emotions aside and grasp the actuality of the situation. Embarrassment, humiliation and hurt feelings do go away in time, and even quicker when you've leant your lesson and accept what happened. Yes it may have been cruel to receive that sort of reaction, but I think you really, really, really have to put yourself in his shoes realistically. To you, it may have been a lovely idea had he gone to the length and trouble, but let's think it this way, had you gone and told your mother, your friends this story of how your lovely boyfriend stole your key to your house without you or your female house mates knowing, let himself in, was around your house doing god knows what for a few hours and you walk in, (or god forbid, your female housemate walks in to s total stranger in the house) I'm sure they would be fairly, fairly horrified and think the lad was pure scum and call the gardai immediately.

There's nothing you can do about it now expect learn from it and try to understand things from his point of view. Imagine a female friend of yours told you the same story, with the same reaction, would you think it so romantic now?

I'd say leave the guy well alone, and just learn that when you next have an impulse such as the romantic idea that you stop and think about it and remember and recall this experience, and ask yourself, is it really a good idea? Ask yourself what the real consequences would be and consider the other person's feelings and how they would perceive it. And then ask yourself without emotion, would you really, really enjoy that, or is that just rose tinted glasses telling you that you would?

In the end, you can't really beat yourself up over it forever or second guess yourself every time or feel miserable about it. Life is a learning curve. And trust me, I've done plenty of silly stupid things that has resulted in my own embarrassment and humiliation that had good intent behind it, some worked, some didn't, but you get over these things once you learn from it and learn to laugh at them too. Keep that idea in mind again for another time, another guy but with a bit more length to the relationship because I know there would be a few out there that would appreciate it! This guy didn't, given the circumstances, but that doesn't mean the timing for such a gesture will never be right!

dellas1979

It is not the gesture that you made that is the problem, its the way you did it.

Dont think you are a psycho, but its funny that you cant see his perspective.

Put yourself in his shoes. You come home after a days work, to find a guy that you are seeing, who knows, maybe you like/dont like/not sure of/dont know very well, sitting in your sitting room in his under pants.

What would you do? Seriously, what would you do?

You were wrong to do what you did, again its not the gesture that is wrong, but how you did it. We making sense to you here?