I don't know what to do, I don't know what I'm feeling.

LegacyUser

Ok, I don't know where to start here.
How to put this, I feel like crap? I feel like killing myself? I feel like a selfish idiot for feeling the previous two?

I can't even pin point what the exact problem is.
I'm in a relationship only recently and I suppose that has a lot to do with it.
I can just feel her pushing me away bit by bit. It kills me, if I were to say anything she'd take the head off me. Just the kind of girl she is.
She's 'hot and cold' constantly. There's nothing complete or solid about the whole relationship, I'm finding it very hard to deal with.
There's also the other side to all of this. I've felt like this long before I was in a relationship with her so maybe it's nothing to do with that and that is just the catalyst?
I get into these moods(I say moods but they're very powerful) of just feeling crap, they come out of nowhere and last for days or maybe weeks.
During that time I contemplate suicide almost every minute of every day and anyone who comes near me sees a different side to me.
A horrible me.
Why do I feel like this.

It's ruining everything in my life.
I just feel like it out of the blue too, doesn't make sense.
I'm not sure if I'm even looking for answers, I just needed to get that out.

Zaph

I'm sorry OP, but if you're having suicidal thoughts you really need to speak to someone more qualified to help you than anyone on this forum is. Here are some contact details:

Samaritans - 1850 609090 / www.samaritans.org / jo@samaritans.org (24 Hour Email Helpline)

1Life Suicide Prevention Helpline - 1800 247 100

National Office for Suicide Prevention