Am i right to be angry?

LegacyUser

I am a 19 year old girl in college atm, and a few weeks ago, i ended up kissing one of the guys - lets call him Tom - in my group of friends (wouldnt call him a friend, but we would all be at pubs/clubs together, we just never spent much time getting to know one another). Anyway... We have been texting and as it turns out we get on like a house on fire. We decided not to say anything to our group of friends and just see how it goes (think monica and chandler). Anyway, I was down at one of my friends apartments, and Tom was there. We were talking for a minute and then i went over to one of the girls. Tom then got up and walked over to one of the girls living in the apartment, gave her a hug from behind, kissed her neck, and off they went to bed.
He text me this morning apologising. He said he had gotten with her half an hour before I arrived and he didn't know what to do then when i arrived. I was short with him in my responses because i was hurt, but then again something is telling me that he has nothing to be sorry about, he's single. So yeah.. am i right to have been short with him or am i completely over-reacting?

IrishEyes19

I would have agreed with the "well he is single" thing if first you and him hadn't discussed not telling your friends yet and second that he didnt kiss a girl in front of you and take her to bed in front of you. That's just horrible in my opinion and mortifying.

Also what on earth does he mean "I didnt know what to do," the quick answer to that is nothing, and especially nothing when you were there. Not that Im condoning his actions, I think its sick, but no guy that likes a girl gets with another girl in front of her, its sick in my opinion.

I wouldnt go back with him OP, if I were you, he sounds a like a user to be honest.

LegacyUser

He didn't know what to do? He did it! He chose her! And luckily, thankfully, you were there to witness it- otherwise you'd have been totally oblivious to it all. Maybe you weren't "dating" dating, but there was an understanding...which he has (if you'll excuse the pun) ridden roughshod over!
I can't believe he's apologising for leaving with her, but not for having kissed her previously that night. Move on, OP,& fast. More& better fish in the sea, start as you mean to go on. Don't be a doormat.

fghijkl

We decided not to say anything to our group of friends and just see how it goes

Tom was there.

Tom then got up and walked over to one of the girls living in the apartment, gave her a hug from behind, kissed her neck, and off they went to bed.

He said he had gotten with her half an hour before I arrived

This sounds wayyyy too suspect to me.
You(he?) decided to keep things secret?? and he just happened to get with her half an hour before you arrived? I wouldn't buy any of it if i were you tbh...

Why was he in the appartment in the first place?
Also maybe things have changed since my college days but, you don't hug someone from behind, kiss them on the neck and lead them into bed if you've only just "gotten with them", that's far too intimate and suggests they've been together before/are going out...

I'd bet a lot of money he's been seeing this girl for a while, hence the "keeping the 2 of you quiet" thing, i'd also suspect he also did "leading her to bed stuff" in case she said anything about their relationship.

Maybe i'm wrong but either way no guy with an ounce of decency would take a girl to bed in front of a girl he'd told he'd like see how it goes with. It's just asshole behaviour, he's a creep and you're well rid, i think you had every right to be short woth him, you have more restraint than i do that's for sure, i'd have deleted his number and not replied tbh.

LegacyUser

fghijkl wrote: »

This sounds wayyyy too suspect to me.
You(he?) decided to keep things secret?? and he just happened to get with her half an hour before you arrived? I wouldn't buy any of it if i were you tbh...

Why was he in the appartment in the first place?
Also maybe things have changed since my college days but, you don't hug someone from behind, kiss them on the neck and lead them into bed if you've only just "gotten with them", that's far too intimate and suggests they've been together before/are going out...

I'd bet a lot of money he's been seeing this girl for a while, hence the "keeping the 2 of you quiet" thing, i'd also suspect he also did "leading her to bed stuff" in case she said anything about their relationship.

Maybe i'm wrong but either way no guy with an ounce of decency would take a girl to bed in front of a girl he'd told he'd like see how it goes with. It's just asshole behaviour, he's a creep and you're well rid, i think you had every right to be short woth him, you have more restraint than i do that's for sure, i'd have deleted his number and not replied tbh.

Sorry, i gave the bare minimum of info just to avoid it becoming too confusing, especially since im trying to avoid mentioning names.

I decided to keep it to ourselves (I always panic at the start of a relationship and find reasons why i shouldn't be with a person, and so i thought that the added pressure of our friends wouldnt be good - didnt tell that to him obviously)

He was in the apartment because his best friend lives there, We are all in the one circle of friends.
Yeah i agree that their actions are too much for the first night they have been together, but i know that it is, I would have heard through group gossip if they had gotten together before, and she's not the kind of girl to hold back tbh.

I agree though, he did not have to walk up and hug/kiss her after talking to me, and infront of me. He did behave like an asshole. I suppose im going to have to encounter a few assholes before i meet one worth my time.. thats another asshole down eh?!
Thank you for your reply