I dont know what to think or do

LegacyUser

Hey there. Ok hoping you can all give me a bit of advice. Having been going out with my bf for a few months and things seem just not quite right.
He says he loves me and I dont know really how to react to that we havent been together that long and I just think its much too soon for all that. He is annoyed that I dont feel the same way and is in a way trying to get me to say it just for the sake of it. He must tell me ten times a day so Im really thinking he doesnt really feel that way. Do you think that maybe he is messing me around a little?
He also talks about how we have to progress in our relationship like sleeping together etc which im not comfortable with yet and although I know he wouldnt physically force me his words force me. He says he will wait yet he keeps talking about it saying its weird if we dont do it and its like he is trying to guilt me into it. Its upsetting me and I just dont know what to say to him about it. Any advice?
Lastly he is quite romantic and does do lots of nice things for me. Lots of suprises and stuff. But he also lets me down an awful lot which seems to cancel out all the good times. We could be meeting up and an hour before will cancel on me or something. Should I be worried about this? Or should I just calm down and get on with it.
I want to be happy with him just not sure if i can
Sorry for the big long message. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks

Professional Griefer

All over the place wrote: »

Hey there. Ok hoping you can all give me a bit of advice. Having been going out with my bf for a few months and things seem just not quite right.
He says he loves me and I dont know really how to react to that we havent been together that long and I just think its much too soon for all that. He is annoyed that I dont feel the same way and is in a way trying to get me to say it just for the sake of it. He must tell me ten times a day so Im really thinking he doesnt really feel that way. Do you think that maybe he is messing me around a little?
He also talks about how we have to progress in our relationship like sleeping together etc which im not comfortable with yet and although I know he wouldnt physically force me his words force me. He says he will wait yet he keeps talking about it saying its weird if we dont do it and its like he is trying to guilt me into it. Its upsetting me and I just dont know what to say to him about it. Any advice?
Lastly he is quite romantic and does do lots of nice things for me. Lots of suprises and stuff. But he also lets me down an awful lot which seems to cancel out all the good times. We could be meeting up and an hour before will cancel on me or something. Should I be worried about this? Or should I just calm down and get on with it.
I want to be happy with him just not sure if i can
Sorry for the big long message. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks

Fellas might say that they love you for the sake of doing so, now obviously we don't know him so he may be speaking the truth, but in all fairness, its probably ''rubbish'' as regards ''love''.
What he probably means is that he feels strongly for you, and does actually love you. There is a HUGE different between loving someone and being IN love with someone.

And as regards the ''moving forward'', it doesn't matter who it is, don't do it until you're ready, regardless if you're trying to making someone happy or what. Do not jump into it, if you don't want to do it this guy then he should repect that.

And I wouldn't worry about the whole canceling thing, not now at least.

Hope everything works out for you guys, all the best

seenitall

So, OP, to recap:

• this guy is making you feel pressurised into having sex,
• he is making you feel pressurised into declaring that you love him regardless of how you really feel (if he really cared about what you felt, he would of course know that it is no use pressurising someone to FEEL anything, of all things!),
• he is being romantic with nice surprises, and yet is proving unreliable and unpredictable withing the relationship.

On the balance of things, and especially since it is such a new relationshio, with two people only getting to know each other, I thing that things are crystal clear.

This guy does not make you feel good about yourself or valued as a person, as he is far too busy trying to get you into bed and get your full devotion ASAP. Presents and surprises are in this case a manipulative way of going about it; it seems to be far easier for him to dazzle someone with presents and surprises in hope of achieveing his goals than to show attention or consideration for how they actually feel. The selfishness comes through with the unreliablity as well.

Would you like to have an OH who keeps letting you down and pressurising you into his decisions, or is it more important that he says he loves you and brings you flowers? Think about this really carefully, OP. If he is behaving like this in the supposed honeymoon phase, what do you think his behaviour will be like once he gets comfortable in the relationship?

I'm sorry OP, but this guy sounds like nothing but bad news. He sounds selfish and immature at best, and dishonest, manipulative and controlling at worst.

If I were you, I'd be running in the other direction as fast as I could, and that's no joke!

Best wishes.

curlzy

All over the place wrote: »

Hey there. Ok hoping you can all give me a bit of advice. Having been going out with my bf for a few months and things seem just not quite right.
He says he loves me and I dont know really how to react to that we havent been together that long and I just think its much too soon for all that. He is annoyed that I dont feel the same way and is in a way trying to get me to say it just for the sake of it. He must tell me ten times a day so Im really thinking he doesnt really feel that way. Do you think that maybe he is messing me around a little?
He also talks about how we have to progress in our relationship like sleeping together etc which im not comfortable with yet and although I know he wouldnt physically force me his words force me. He says he will wait yet he keeps talking about it saying its weird if we dont do it and its like he is trying to guilt me into it. Its upsetting me and I just dont know what to say to him about it. Any advice?
Lastly he is quite romantic and does do lots of nice things for me. Lots of suprises and stuff. But he also lets me down an awful lot which seems to cancel out all the good times. We could be meeting up and an hour before will cancel on me or something. Should I be worried about this? Or should I just calm down and get on with it.
I want to be happy with him just not sure if i can
Sorry for the big long message. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks

My advice: Dump him, he's trying to control you and pressure you into having sex with him, added to that he let's you down repeatedly. You sound like you would prefer a guy who: a) takes things slow (which is good), b) means what he says and c) is dependable. This guy you describe is none of those things. I would suggest you break it off because life's too short for that kind of crap. Why should you "just calm down and get on with it" and what does that mean? That's the way your head works when you just been sentenced to 10 years in prison, not when you're in a new relationship. Put yourself first sweetie, not him, YOU and YOUR feelings need to take presidence here (as it doesn't sound like they're high on his priorities) so do what your gut is telling you to and cut him loose. You can defo do better than that. I'm telling you this as a 28 year old woman, a real man willl NEVER pressure you into sex because he will want you to want it as much as he, only childish selfish men will pressure you and I can gaurantee it'll be crap if you fold to that kind of pressure and you regret it and resent him. Just avoid it all by cutting him loose so you can find a guy you actually want to be with.

Best of luck.