Ex getting in contact

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Back in May i lost the love of my life when we broke up after 4 years together and being best friends for 3 years before that.

Since then i have gone through hell trying to heel and get over the relationship and has been a very emotional time for me in my life and a very difficult one at that.

I didnt treat her the way she deserved to be in the months before our relationship ended for other reasons that were going on in my life which i didnt tell her about because i didnt want to get her worried and upset her and just led to me being very stressed and taking it out on her which was unfair of me.

Anyways when we broke up in May it was a very bad one she did it through a text message and then just ignored me and she ended up moving to England to work as she could get none here.

The last two months she has been sending me text messages saying she doesnt want to lose me from her life and i mean so much to her and she wants us to be friends, and ive just wrote back saying that i need time to heel and to leave me alone.

Yesterday she sent me a very long private message on facebook saying that im still her best friend and she really misses not talking to me and wants us to be friends. I rang her and talked to her for the first time since then and we talked for bout an hour on the phone and was a very emotional one for the both of us and alot of it was the two of us crying to each other and me saying sorry to her for the way she treated me and her saying sorry to me to for the things that she did wrong and she sees that now. I didnt ask but she said we cant be together for reasons obv cause she lives in a different country and that but i just feel really down again. Its since May we broke up and im no where near getting over her and i told her that and that i dont think we can ever be friends.

I dont know what im expecting from this post expect maybe advice on what to do because i really do feel ive lost the love of my life and it was the hardest thing in the world to do to tell her we cant be friends cause she means so much to me and i would do anything in the world to turn back the clocks to do things different

LegacyUser

If it is any consolation I'm in very much the same boat. Chin up and all that.

Jenneke87

Is someone that dumped you by text after four years worth such grief and heartache? And if she really didn't wanna lose you, why not try to salvage the relationship instead of breaking up? And despite the fact that you mean so much to her and she really misses you and you're still her best friend, taking you back and coming to Ireland once in a while is too much an effort?

I actually think it's a good thing to not talk to her right now. You need to sort out yourself and your feelings first before you make any decisions about her, or being friends with her. You've know this girl for 7 years in total, I find her behaviour towards you shocking actually. Sort out yourself first, if you really mean that much to her she'll respect that and wait untill you(potentially) decide to contine the friendship. But I seriously doubt whether you should....

Roadtrippin

She broke up with you by text after 4 years? WTF? If someone doesn't have the decency to break up face to face after that long they've clearly moved on if you ask me.

She sounds like she wants to buy the cake and eat it too, as in keep you as a friend so she can feel better about the breakup and not loose you fully.
If I were you I wouldn't be in contact with her for a while after that! You're still too heartbroken and could probably do with a bit of distance because it seems like chances of you getting back together are slim. If she really wanted you back she could easily fly over to Ireland.

LegacyUser

Don't vilify the poor girl for breaking up via text message....maybe she was at the end of the tether work-wise(if she had no job) & personally (if the OP was treating her very badly, as he says he was). Sometimes we do things we regret, which she obviously does- having since got in contact to apologise.
OP, don't you realise that you ended up hurting her far more by concealing the truth from her, than by just being honest about whatever you were/are going through? Whatever the problem, could you not rise above it& see the bigger picture: ie- you're throwing away a 7 year relationship for...what, exactly? United you stand, divided you fall.

Moomoo1

England isn't all that far away. No excuse for not getting back together.

The only way she can be back in your life is as your partner. You know it, she knows it, we know it (well, suspect it anyway). That's the line you should maintain, imho.

wolf9

the exact same thing happened me a few years ago, by text message going out 3 years, later shes texting telling me she still considers me her best friend and all that and can we be friends, to be honest i think they just feel guilty about the way they have broke up after so long in such a crap way cos they havent the courage to do it face to face and this is a way of easing her conscience, thats all it is to make her feel better about herself she's not taking ur feelings into consideration and how your are still only coming to terms with getting over the break up, the last thing you need is texts from her, i didnt take my ex up on the friends offer, i have enough friends, chin up you will learn alot from it as bad and all as it is now it does get better

LegacyUser

OP, just in reading your post, could it be a possibility that she is in a new country , starting new things and hasn't settled in and is just a bit homesick?

It seems plausable that a girl who moves to a new country and where it is exciting maybe she is just in the settling in mode where she doesnt have the same social base as home and not the same amount of friends, and feeling a bit homesick and she can trust that you are the safe reliable.

People find this kind of thing happens when a partner moves away but as she settles and goes out more and more and meets new people the connection with you might dwindle.

Just something to think about really. If i were you i would cut contact and try and move on with my life, get out and get happy!

Hope it works out for you