What happened with this girl detective?

LegacyUser

Hi, 28yo guy here. Shes 29 almost 30. I was out on my first ever internet date with someone the other night who actually works as a detective. We had a great night, connected really well, actually problady better than anyone in my whole life (and there's been a lot). We went off with each other on and off during the night and she said that she always makes a guy wait before sleeping with him to which i said fine. We also sort of arranged to do something thursday and she asked could we do something that didnt involve drinking and i said fine!

When i was younger i got into a good bit of trouble with the police, im not talking drinking a few cans in the park but more serious offences, not assault or drugs but a couple of robberys of a couple of places. I also got 10 years off the road for driving without insurance and driving while already banned.

I went to college and completed my degree and am still working in the same area. I am also studying for a second degree part time and have left my previous life and friends behind.

The other night we went to a concert and i had sort of being avoiding telling her my surname, as i thought she might do a check on my background so i wanted to let her see the real me on a few dates before we got into all that. However we ended up giving money to charity, they asked for our details and i told her to write down my name and email address. So she ended up with my surname. And she made a half joke that she could check my background now. Had a brilliant night with her and she was going home to the country for a few days the next day, lives very rural and said she cant get reception in her house and would be back up thursday.

I feel a bit desperate writing this part, but i txted her the following morning and she txted back, then i txted her back and she txted me back so fine. I then sent her a message that evening saying thanks for bringing me to the concert, id a really good time with you, except that everyone thinks i have herpes now!:) And that she could make it up to me during ice skating Thursday! (She sent a message off my phone to someone saying i had herpes as a joke). That was Monday evening, i got the delivery report about 2 hours later and i havent heard anything from her since. She is also still logging onto the dating site each day as am i!

What im just wondering is, is there any sort of hope i will hear from her again? I honestly think we got on too well for her to just blank me so im afraid she did run a check on me, see what happened in my past and i couldnt blame her if she didnt want to take things any further? Its tormenting me, because if she even txted me and said she wasnt interested, that would be fine and id know where i stand. Can anyone offer any opinons, thanks a lot..

Pebbles68

Firstly, well done for getting it together and leaving your old life behind you. I was no saint myself and I know what it means to find someone you accepts you for who you are today.
It would be very unfortunate if, as you suspect, she has done a background check and is judging you on history. If that is what she has done then maybe she isn't the person you thought she was. I sincerely hope this is not the case because you seem to be quite taken by her.
Don't jump to any conclusions just yet. And if you do manage to make contact you may want to come clean and be honest that you have a history but let her know you accept you did wrong, have changed your ways and accepted responsibility. Tell her what you've typed here, that you wanted her to get to know who you are today before sharing your past with her.
Good luck.

weatherguy

I wouldn't think much of her if she has done a background check on you.
Also, I understood the gardai must have a genuine reason for doing such a check on somebody. And that check is logged.
So, she'd want to be very suspicious of you to go through that formal process.
And if she has done a check on you, then be advised that she has probably also checked out every guy she has met!!
Would you really want to be with somebody who is looking over your shoulder?
I wouldn't.
Now, on the other hand, if she hasn't and was only joking then I would wait for the right moment to tell her of your past. You said you didn't want her to know your surname. Well, there are only a minority of surnames that are unusual. I am sure your surname is not that unusual so she may not recognise it.
I would tell her about your past. Be honest and up front. However, it is unlikely she will continue to see you. Gardai cannot fraternise with people who have serious criminal records. It could compromise them in their work.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the feedback. I would'nt blame her for doing a background check to be honest, she is a detective so she is bound to have a suspicious nature.

I dont have a crinimal record, my offences were commited at the age of 17, i was in court for them when i was 18 & 19 and did a week on remand in St Pats (horrible place) while awaiting sentencing but then got off with prision when i reappeared in court. My motoring offences occured when i was over the age of 18, but obviously she would know about everything if she wanted.

I wouldnt normally care only shes so sound and such a cool woman, it was really good being with her that night. I havent txted her since Monday, there is not much point is there? I mean if she wants to meet she will txt me?? Feck it anyway i dont know what to do, im not used to be in this situtation!!

LittleBook

need_advice1 wrote: »

Had a brilliant night with her and she was going home to the country for a few days the next day, lives very rural and said she cant get reception in her house and would be back up thursday.

I feel a bit desperate writing this part, but i txted her the following morning and she txted back, then i txted her back and she txted me back so fine. I then sent her a message that evening saying thanks for bringing me to the concert, id a really good time with you, except that everyone thinks i have herpes now!:) And that she could make it up to me during ice skating Thursday! (She sent a message off my phone to someone saying i had herpes as a joke). That was Monday evening, i got the delivery report about 2 hours later and i havent heard anything from her since.

I'm guessing from your post that you went to the concert on Sunday, she's heading home to the country the next day, Monday, where "she can't get reception". During the day on Monday you've texted back and forth and the texts stopped on Monday evening.

Weren't they supposed to? Didn't she tell you she wouldn't be in touch by text? When exactly do you think she could have run this background check if she's not even at work?

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding the timing but if I'm not, I think you're jumping to conclusions. Wait and see what happens tomorrow and take it from there.

But for the record (no pun intended ) you should let her know sooner rather than later about your past. I don't know what the exact timing should be on revealing something like this but I do think the fact that she's a detective could complicate things and I do believe that if you leave it too long it looks like you're concealing it and ashamed of it (as opposed to proud of the fact that you've left that part of your life behind).

This stuff happened a long time ago and you're a different person now, be honest and let that speak for itself.

LegacyUser

Thanks LittleBook, thats a very clear way of putting it i will follow that advice! One point though, we txted each other twice each Monday morning and then i txted her Monday evening but she didnt txt back and i havent heard from her since! I would have expected to have heard something by now. I guess i can only wait and see. I wont txt her again anyway

LegacyUser

Didnt hear anything from her anyway! Suppose there isi'nt really any point txting her is there??

scarymoon1

dont text her op - if she was interested she would have text you by now. Leave her off - you will meet someone who is interested and will text you back. Ive FINALLY learned this lesson!!

PopUp

Just to check I have this right - you last texted each other on Monday, the final text was from you to her. You have arranged to go ice skating tonight.

I would DEFINITELY text her today. Just something about tonight. The last text you sent was a thank you and a joke - it didn't have any questions or reasons for her to respond - you can't say she's ignoring you. If you don't show up to ice skating I would assume you'd stood me up!

LegacyUser

I know i should'nt text her, obviously she would txt me if she wanted to meet and i know that, but i just txted her there anyway and said,

'Hey hope you had a nice few days down home. Was us meeting the other night just a once off? Be nice to know either way'.

She just wrote back and said

'Hey ya, had a lovely few days...Loads of time to mull a few things over...to be honest im going to stick in my transfer in the next few days and head back down the country. Your a lovely guy but im sick of dublin at this stage...Best of luck with the fishing! (plentyoffish)

So i txted her back and said (bit desperate maybe)- No worries! I honestly thought you were the most amazing girl ive ever been out with, your so cool and sound. Its a pity, but sure good luck to you too and thanks for telling me'

She wrote back and said 'Thank you, thats really lovely, it has nothing to do with you so please dont think that....it was something ive been contemplating for a while to be honest...My few days down home just made me realise that dublin isi'nt the bee all and end all. Take care!

And my final reply was - Hope i find someone just like ya! Take care too!



Looks like i was well and truly dusted. Sounded a bit desperate txting her back there maybe but screw it i had to saw it. Aw well!!

PopUp

Don't beat yourself up OP. You behaved like a gentleman throughout and at least she had the decency to let you know she wasn't interested. There are lots of girls out there who are just as sound and who will be as into you as you are to them! Don't feel bad about being upfront about liking her either - in the long run, not playing games will stand to you.

neveah

You did the right thing OP, you didn't sound desperate at all, I agree with the other poster when they say you acted like a gentleman. Her loss now! Onwards and upwards and back to the 'fishing'!

LegacyUser

I guess thats all i can do now! Thanks for the advice

curlzy

To be honest OP you sound like a gentleman and a really decent guy. Give it some time and a girl will recognise what a catch you are and your history won't mean a damn to her. Fair play for being a nice guy when she let you down, a lesser man wouldn't have wished her well. You'll defo find a nice girl, coz it sounds like you deserve one, so chin up

kjl

the danger of dating Nancy Drew

OP, you got in a bit of trouble when you were younger, when you say she is a detective, do you mean a police detective? Would she not need access to her work computer to look you up, plus, isn't it illegal to look you up without probable cause?

gimme5minutes

kjl wrote: »

the danger of dating Nancy Drew

OP, you got in a bit of trouble when you were younger, when you say she is a detective, do you mean a police detective? Would she not need access to her work computer to look you up, plus, isn't it illegal to look you up without probable cause?

Of course she looked him up. I guarantee if any woman was given the opportunity to do a background check on a guy they had started seeing they would take it...why on earth wouldn't they? This girl detective probably looks up several people every day, so she can easily just stick OP's name in as well. I'm assuming she is a police detective.