Would you be offended by this?

doireann08

Just a general question

It was my birthday last week, one of the girls I work with ( we have become good friends) asked what age I was, I told her I was 34, and her reaction was
"What .. really, I thought you were older!!!!"
I was pretty upset by this so I asked herm "well what age did you think I was? "She gave a vague answer and said she wasn't sure and said well you look older and you don't act 34

Pretty miffed as thats not something I would ever said to a friend.. would anyone feel the same or am I being overly sensitive

Cheap Thrills!

Yes, I've got to admit I would be offended.

Anyone with half a brain would know not to say that to someone. It's not something anyone would like to hear themselves so why would someone say it?

EVEN if it were true i still would never say such a thing to someone. Everyone knows people like to feel they look young for their age. It's a no-brainer.

At the least it was thoughtless and unkind or some sort of brain fart. Is this person usually rude or insensitive?

LittleBook

Honestly, some people are just social muppets. They have no idea how to engage their brain and just say whatever sh'te (and it usually is sh'te) comes out of their mouths.

I'd be miffed too if I was you but I wouldn't let it get to me.

Stupid is as stupid says.

doireann08

thanks guys.

No she isn't rude or normally offensive at all, which is why I was completely shocked.

I initially thought, it was an off the cuff remark but when I asked her what age did she think I was, and she definitely knew I was a bit peeved by her remark - I would have expected she would have either
- bullsh*tted her way out of it by saying oh you seem older as you have accomplished a lot blah blah

But no she add's insult to injury by saying well you look older, i never would have thought you were 34 and you don't act it. I was even more shocked as she knew her inital comment upset me. When I questioned her on it, she just coumpounds the initial insult. This is so out of charachter for her that I began to wonder was it intentional? - I doubt it, but I think I need to say something to her about it...

Talk about double insult, so now I look older and I act younger. I was soo shocked and upset. I wanted to pull her up on it

Another mutual friend was also shocked when I told her my age - she thought I was 28?? I am very young at heart - all my family are, we like to enjoy ourselves and live life to full the full. However that does not make me immature etc

My friend is a few years older, but she lets her family run her life, she is always there for them and we would have quite different social lives, different interests

Scambuster

Its hard to hear but that is just what she genuinely believes. Unfortunately it passed her social filter that night and you heard it. It's one persons opinion, it might be with merit. Who knows.

Taltos

Before you rush in and say anything answer this for yourself. Why do you care?

I mean seriously - what is this person to you that her misconception hurts you so much? Sometimes you just gotta accept these things and move on, just because you don't like the answer does not make their opinion any less valid at least in their eyes.

Cheap Thrills!

doireann08 wrote: »

thanks guys.

No she isn't rude or normally offensive at all, which is why I was completely shocked.

I initially thought, it was an off the cuff remark but when I asked her what age did she think I was, and she definitely knew I was a bit peeved by her remark - I would have expected she would have either
- bullsh*tted her way out of it by saying oh you seem older as you have accomplished a lot blah blah

But no she add's insult to injury by saying well you look older, i never would have thought you were 34 and you don't act it. I was even more shocked as she knew her inital comment upset me. When I questioned her on it, she just coumpounds the initial insult. This is so out of charachter for her that I began to wonder was it intentional? - I doubt it, but I think I need to say something to her about it...

Talk about double insult, so now I look older and I act younger. I was soo shocked and upset. I wanted to pull her up on it

Another mutual friend was also shocked when I told her my age - she thought I was 28?? I am very young at heart - all my family are, we like to enjoy ourselves and live life to full the full. However that does not make me immature etc

My friend is a few years older, but she lets her family run her life, she is always there for them and we would have quite different social lives, different interests

Is it possible she is jealous and was trying to get over some sort of message?

As in -some people as they get older believe you should start acting a certain way, dressing more frumpy and that and then maybe she sees you not doing that but still 'getting away with it' -and because she feels bad herself tries to get a dig at you?

Could that be it?

LegacyUser

So your friend who said this is a few years older.

Then maybe she is jealous that you are younger than her and got a bit of a shock when you told her your age as she presumed you were closer to her age.

Anyway life is too short to take offense where none is meant (hopefully anyway)

BCC4LYFE

mayb she thinks you act older than you are. i know my sisters friends think im older than i am coz im rly quiet around them wereas around my friends and our wider group(like 200 people) am kinda immature

whatsamsn

Yes. Everyone would. No one likes to be seen as older than what they really are.

Was it said with malice?
Doubt it. Sounds like she just blurted it out without thinking.

Its perfectly alright to be miffed by this But no need to change your views on her. She is your friend as you say

kylith

Some people are just really bad at judging ages. If she's not usually rude or offensive write it off as a brain fart.

Abi

LittleBook wrote: »

Honestly, some people are just social muppets. They have no idea how to engage their brain and just say whatever sh'te (and it usually is sh'te) comes out of their mouths.

I'd be miffed too if I was you but I wouldn't let it get to me.

Stupid is as stupid says.

This is most likely the case. It sounds like she thought you were older because of how you conduct yourself in the work place. That would be more of a compliment to me more than anything else, but how she blurted it out was what made it an insensitive remark. It could have meant anything by how she clumsily delivered it. Don't let it get you down

sam34

it wouldnt remotely bother me

IrishEyes19

I doubt she meant anything by it, seriously what would be the point.

Chinafoot

I have never understood the bullshít that surrounds womens age. From never asking how old someone is to always having to pretend to be shocked at their age when they tell you because they "couldn't possibly be that old" :rolleyes: I just don't get it.

OP, you are overreacting big time. Had your workmate said she thought you were 54 not 34 then perhaps I could see your point, but she didn't.

In my experience the personality and maturity of a person plays in a big role in stuff like this. We don't base our opinion of someone we know quite well purely on what they look because their personality is so wrapped up in how we perceive them. Have you ever found someone attractive on first meeting, got to know them and found they were a nasty person, and suddenly they dont seem to be attractive? Its a similar thing really. Their personality affects how you view their looks. Likewise your maturity may affect how your co-worker viewed your age.

I seriously doubt your workmate meant to hurt you, but rather was just genuinely surprised. I'd forget about it tbh and perhaps ask myself why it hurt me so much. Why does it matter?

Mark27

OP maybe you actually do look older 34??

Ann22

I work with a girl who's 29, she's really pretty and so stylish. Always looks lovely and is such a lovely person. The other day, a newcomer to our workplace said 'you're only 29? Fcuk I thought you were at least 35'. We were all shocked at her tactlessness. This girl is going through a hard time at the moment breakin up with her d*ckhead boyfriend, she really didn't need to hear that. Some people are idiots.

Emme

doireann08 wrote: »

My friend is a few years older, but she lets her family run her life, she is always there for them and we would have quite different social lives, different interests

Is she a "friend" or a "frenemy"? She sounds more like a frenemy to me, TBH. I reckon she's jealous of your social life and freedom and was trying to get a sly dig at you. Don't worry about it, I'm sure you have other friends who are more supportive anyway.