Girlfriend doesn't have periods

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I've been seeing my girlfriend for 5 months and it has occurred to me that in the time we've been together she's never had a period. She's 25 btw.

We sleep together regularly and there's no window where it could've happened and I wouldn't have noticed.

We use condoms for protection.

I kinda don't know whether to mention it to her or not.

I mean if she has an illness I'd like to know, I'm curious, it's good to know these things about the person you're sleeping with.
She could hardly be pregnant and not noticed or told me ...

How do I ask her about this in a sensitive way?

Cheap Thrills!

She could have the implant in her arm, I don't think you get periods with that!

Ickle Magoo

Lots of contraceptives can affect the menstrual cycle, especially if she had a light period to begin with. Why not just ask her? It may be she's so used to it that it doesn't strike her as odd any more.

All the best.

LegacyUser

No she's not using any contraceptives like that because we talked briefly about it when he started having sex.

I just can't think of a polite way to say it to her without sounding like I'm accussing her of having something wrong with her

Ickle Magoo

I would just ask, if you are going out five months then you should be able to discuss anything. Why not just drop into a light-hearted discussion "I meant to ask, am I really unobservant or have you not had a period while we've been going out?" - it doesn't have to be phrased like an accusation but I think if you are worried about her or the situation then you should just say something....sometimes we build these things up in our minds when really, it's a non-issue.

All the best.

spinandscribble

its a simple question. She might have medical problems. She might be underweight. No doubt she knows the answer or at least has investigated it. There's no real reason why she'd hide it so just ask. If she's unwell it would be better to be kept in the loop.

Guys tend to have a big "ew" factor about periods. It's understandable. Some guys are really cool about it, but at the end of the day I think any guy would be scared to bring it up in conversation. This is mainly because it seems really unnatural. To a girl, it's not. Girls talk about it to each other, and while she'll probably not like the thought of you having the thought of her period (because she doesn't want you relating her to the "ew" factor), to a girl, talking about it isn't that big a taboo. Just ask her.

Princess Peach

I have health issues that affect my period. I never brought it up with a boyfriend, because I didn't really think it was a kind of thing of he wanted to hear about, I'm not one to talk about these things much anyway. But my last boyfriend, like you, must have done a bit of math and asked me, and I was fine telling him, although thinking of it now I really didn't go into a lot of detail.

I don't think there will be any problem if you ask her, she just may think you don't want to hear about it! Or she may not be one to talk about these things, but I don't think she will think badly of you asking.

magneticimpulse

Is she not on any contraception? 1st of all condoms are not 100% effective if this is the case.

2nd, if she is on contraception like the pill, you can take it for 3 months and then have a break...in which case your periods can only last for a few hours. Or there is also new pill on the market which means you never have a period again. Im actually thinking about taking this pill purely to stop having periods.

I used to do the 3 monthly cycle taking of the pill and it was brillant...4 periods a year...i

beks101

Presumably she has it under control but I would definitely broach it with her if I were you.

Lack of menstruation is a serious, serious thing for a woman, sure it could be a contraception thing, sometimes when you stop taking the pill it takes a few months for it to become regular again etc...but it can also be a warning sign to deeper medical issues. Is she underweight, does she diet a lot? It can cause fertility problems down the line.

I would say bring it up in a sensitive way, say it's just a general observation you've made in the time you've been with her.

IrishEyes19

Im probably alone on this view, but if your GF hasnt mentioned that she's pregnant which Im sure after 5 months would be somewhat obvious or hasnt mentioned that she has health issues with her period; is it actually any of your business whether she has one or not? I would never discuss my period with my bf unless there was reason to, and those reasons would be if it challenged my health. Otherwise its a female issue and private.

Canluum

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

I would never discuss my period with my bf unless there was reason to, and those reasons would be if it challenged my health. Otherwise its a female issue and private.

This is a very unfortunate and backwards attitude. Personally I don't think I could personally tolerate it in a partner. Why would you hide something as normal and everyday as periods?

I seek out such information very early in a relationship for a number of reasons. It shows I'm not prudish (a theme I keep consistent). It allows them to be more comfortable with me. And most importantly: an awareness of your partners cycle is of extremely practical use.

OP There are a number of reasons for her not to be menstruating. One very rare reason (I only mention because I'm fascinated by it) could be because she has complete androgen insensitivity.
Anyway it is well within your remit to ask. Especially since it's so linked to fertility. Take Ickle Magoo's advice from their second post. Be nonchalant. She likely won't see it as any big deal if you don't.

LegacyUser

is it actually any of your business whether she has one or not?

well presumably if he's with the girl 5 months its getting to the point where the OP sees the relationship going somewhere, surely even from a future 'what if one day i'd like to have children with this woman' point of view he's perfectly within his rights to ask.
no periods = fertility issues, so of course its his business.

Of course its entirely possible she just has very short & light periods OP and you have just happened to have avoided them timing wise.

OP I'd find it very rare that a woman would have any problem discussing periods with her bf, i certainly wouldn't, i don't get the hush hush its a woman's thing stuff, seems silly to me, men know we bleed every month what's the big deal?

If i'm sleeping with someone, sharing bodily fluids, whatever, discussing periods as someone else has said is a non-issue, i definitely think honesty is best in this situation, just ask her straight out

IrishEyes19

I'm not being backwards at all, I'm saying that for me it would be a private matter, I dont think thats backwards at all or prude, thats very uncalled for to say that. But unless I told my bf I had health issues or whatever it isnt any of his business especially since the OP has been with her for 5 months, it would be a total different story if it was over a year or a long term relationship. He hasnt been with her for any length at all. It just really isn't their business to enquire. I'm sorry if this goes against "not being prude issues" or the right of your other half to know things or the "dont keep secrets," rules, but for a girl, your period is personal and private and I would argue for most girls, its not something you talk about like the weather. Unless she brings it up, I think you should leave it be, OP, you might embarass her, I think she would say something if something was wrong, but Id let her bring it up, Id want that if that was me in this case. Best of luck though.

IrishEyes19

bloody-mary wrote: »

well presumably if he's with the girl 5 months its getting to the point where the OP sees the relationship going somewhere, surely even from a future 'what if one day i'd like to have children with this woman' point of view he's perfectly within his rights to ask.
no periods = fertility issues, so of course its his business.

Of course its entirely possible she just has very short & light periods OP and you have just happened to have avoided them timing wise.

OP I'd find it very rare that a woman would have any problem discussing periods with her bf, i certainly wouldn't, i don't get the hush hush its a woman's thing stuff, seems silly to me, men know we bleed every month what's the big deal?

If i'm sleeping with someone, sharing bodily fluids, whatever, discussing periods as someone else has said is a non-issue, i definitely think honesty is best in this situation, just ask her straight out

I see your point and I stand corrected in some aspects here especially the fertility issue, I didnt think of that. However, I think five months in is a bit early, but as I said, if she had problems with it, she would tell him eventually and after 5 months, its early stages. Id rather tell someone in my own good time and not be asked why I dont have a period.

Canluum

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

but for a girl, your period is personal and private

To joe public perhaps I can see the reasoning... but to someone you're intimate with??? I think at that stage you're well beyond the realm of physical privacy!

Once I've had sex with someone, even if it isn't serious I'll usually get into a casual conversation that involves the menstrual cycle. Often it'll come off as a tangent to asking about the pill (as I always inquire into contraception) and will lead onto a discussion of tampons vs pads, heavy flow, light, pmt, cramps, spotting, regularity, syncing etc. I'm just really curious about it all... and once they realise I'm not grossed out at all my knowledge-lust is eagerly indulged.
I used to buy spare pads and keep them in my bathroom for my ex, something she was very grateful of sometimes when she'd be caught unawares by an early period. It's a hygiene product like toothpaste or toilet paper.

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

and I would argue for most girls, its not something you talk about like the weather.

I'd disagree with this, maybe it's just that the people I know are sex/body-positive but even among my platonic female friends they're pretty open. They don't see it as anything to be hidden or shameful about, and will freely chat about their cramps or syncing with people they live with or why they can't go swimming.

IrishEyes19

Canluum wrote: »

To joe public perhaps I can see the reasoning... but to someone you're intimate with??? I think at that stage you're well beyond the realm of physical privacy!

Once I've had sex with someone, even if it isn't serious I'll usually get into a casual conversation that involves the menstrual cycle. Often it'll come off as a tangent to asking about the pill (as I always inquire into contraception) and will lead onto a discussion of tampons vs pads, heavy flow, light, pmt, cramps, spotting, regularity, syncing etc. I'm just really curious about it all... and once they realise I'm not grossed out at all my knowledge-lust is eagerly indulged.
I used to buy spare pads and keep them in my bathroom for my ex, something she was very grateful of sometimes when she'd be caught unawares by an early period. It's a hygiene product like toothpaste or toilet paper.

I'd disagree with this, maybe it's just that the people I know are sex/body-positive but even among my platonic female friends they're pretty open. They don't see it as anything to be hidden or shameful about, and will freely chat about their cramps or syncing with people they live with or why they can't go swimming.

It has nothing to do with being sex/body positive,

Ickle Magoo

IrishEyes19 & Canluum, if you wish to debate the pro's and con's of discussing menstruation then take it to PM.

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP.
Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Many thanks.
Ickle

IrishEyes19

Sorry, Ickle Magoo!!! Lost track.

@OP, my main advice would be give her a chance maybe to confront you about it in a bit. I just feel she might react awkwardly or embarassed since your relationship is fairly new.
However as other posters have stated and I agree, I guess trust is there at this stage and if you feel she wont be embrassed or uncomfortable talking about such issues, go for it!!

LegacyUser

I have really light periods and I usually use tampons, so I could go out with a guy and have sex with him for years, and still he probably wouldnt notice it if I was careful enough (which I am, for the "ew" factor as mentioned before)

I have to agree with IrishEyes I would find it funny if somebody asked me. I personally wouldnt mind, but if I had a more serious and/or embarassing disease behind it I could feel uncomfortable. I think you could tackle the subject talking first about contraception, which is something that is bound to come up anyway.

You could ask her if she's taking any kind of contraception, if she would like to go on the pill so you guys would stop with the comdons, etc etc and see how she reacts. If all goes well, you could say in a very light/funny way, "oh, I noticed you have really light periods, it's great, we can always be together" and see what she says. But I suppose it might be a bit strong to ask straightforwards, in case she has a history of something very serious. Btw, she would have to be severely underweight to not have periods due to that.

ams

My cousin rarely gets periods - shes had it checked out and its not an issue according to her doctor so it could be something like that. My periods are generally super light so apart from maybe one or two days in the month my boyfriend wouldn't even know I had it - it could just be something like that as well.

Talk to her about it if you are concerned - I'm sure she'll be able to clarify it for you but Im sure its not something to be worried about.

Distorted

You hear a lot about women who have troublesome, heavy, painful periods but not too much from women who have light, trouble-free ones. My bet is that she falls into the latter category. Maybe hers only last 3 days. If she uses tampons and you don't have sex with her every day but mainly weekends, the chances are that in 5 months you have just not noticed. Have previous girlfriends of yours had heavy periods and made quite a fuss of that time of the month?

I would also find it a bit wierd if a boyfriend suddenly launched into a diaglogue about the state of my periods. A bit like if I suddenly started asking detailed questions about the cleaning routine of my boyfriend's private parts. I'm sure I can't be alone in liking to keep discussion of some aspects of my body personal. Best to ask tactfully, like as suggested, in a discussion on her views on the pill.