The - "am I gay or not?" thread

LegacyUser

Well I am 18 and I just don't know what to do.
I think I might be gay because When I look at guys I find the attratice. I would like to hug at kiss a guy and touch him but thats it. The tought of having sex with a guy makes me sick. I can't inagine doing anal with a guy. That really freaks me out.
I don't feel attrcted to women at all. I don't like there body or anything so I can't be straight!
I also really want children so can I really be gay?
Thanks for advice guys!

Chuchoter

Are you the same guy from earlier?

First and foremost, calm down, whatever you are, its really not the end of the world.

If you have absolutely 0 attraction to women, they do absolutely nothing for you, than maybe you aren't straight. The sex thing with men, you need to stop being so afraid of it before you can think about it properly, at the moment I feel like you are a bit panicked! I think what really made me understand I was gay, more than anything sexual, as that took me ages to cop on to, is can I see my life with someone of the opposite sex and I couldn't. There is also the option of you being asexual.

As for wanting children, you can still have kids if you're gay! Loads of gay people have kids, it might be less straightforward than for straight people (excuse the pun :P) but its a long, long way off impossible.

OP, is this a recent worry you are having or is this like over a long period of time?

Boston

Facts:

1. You seek physical intimacy with other men. Many people would consider hugging and kissing to be far more intimate than sex.
2. You're attracted to other men.
3. The thought of a sexual encounter with another man makes you feel sick. Feeling "sick" is a strong emotion response and you shouldn't attribute the feeling to repulsion.
4. A significant number of homosexual couples do no engage in penetrative sex.
5. Gay people can be parents.

SparkyTech

Hi OP,

user1819 wrote: »

Well I am 18 and I just don't know what to do.

Your not alone. 18 is only a dip in the ocean compared to what lies ahead!

I think I might be gay because When I look at guys I find the attratice. I would like to hug at kiss a guy and touch him but thats it. The tought of having sex with a guy makes me sick. I can't inagine doing anal with a guy. That really freaks me out.

Lots of gay and bisexual men don't engage in penetrative sex. Its a personal choice. Im a gay male, 20 and the thought of it still dosn't sit right with me. It may change in the future, it may not, if the right person comes along, but there is more to bieng gay then weather you engage in one practicular act. Lots of married gay men don't engage in intercourse.

I don't feel attracted to women at all. I don't like there body or anything so I can't be straight!

You may be gay, you may be bi, you may be straight...or even possibly aesexual. Sexuality is fluid and no-one fits 100% into one box or label. Give yourself some time and don't worry about it too much, it will fall into place of its own accord.

I also really want children so can I really be gay?

Lots of gay men and women adopt children or go through a surrogate mother. No reason why you wouldn't make a great parent in the future!

Talk to someone you trust or check out lgbt.ie/belong2 for some help and support.

Best of luck

Donnaghm

SparkyTech wrote: »

Hi OP,



Your not alone. 18 is only a dip in the ocean compared to what lies ahead!

Lots of gay and bisexual men don't engage in penetrative sex. Its a personal choice. Im a gay male, 20 and the thought of it still dosn't sit right with me. It may change in the future, it may not, if the right person comes along, but there is more to bieng gay then weather you engage in one practicular act. Lots of married gay men don't engage in intercourse.

You may be gay, you may be bi, you may be straight...or even possibly aesexual. Sexuality is fluid and no-one fits 100% into one box or label. Give yourself some time and don't worry about it too much, it will fall into place of its own accord.

Lots of gay men and women adopt children or go through a surrogate mother. No reason why you wouldn't make a great parent in the future!

Talk to someone you trust or check out lgbt.ie/belong2 for some help and support.

Best of luck

All very sound advice SparkyTech. Well done!

LGiamani

user1819 wrote: »

Well I am 18 and I just don't know what to do.
I think I might be gay because When I look at guys I find the attratice. I would like to hug at kiss a guy and touch him but thats it. The tought of having sex with a guy makes me sick. I can't inagine doing anal with a guy. That really freaks me out.
I don't feel attrcted to women at all. I don't like there body or anything so I can't be straight!
I also really want children so can I really be gay?
Thanks for advice guys!

Do you check out guys on a regular basis. I'm gay and I check out both men and women. Male and female are attractive physically/spirtually/emotionally. I like men who are physically goodlooking and have nice eyes and nice smile and who are in touch with their emotions and same goes for women but if they are not in any was plesent or caring no matter how they look I've no time for them. I can relate to some of the points you make. There are some people who are truly beautiful and they can be attractive. IMO I think there are alot of guys out there who would like to experment with other guys but are afraid of the thought the might unveil another side of themselves society with find hard accepting.

Annasopra

as I've pointed out before lots of gay men don't like anal sex and this is backed up by Dept of Health research

DS333

user1819 wrote: »

Well I am 18 and I just don't know what to do.
I think I might be gay because When I look at guys I find the attratice. I would like to hug at kiss a guy and touch him but thats it. The tought of having sex with a guy makes me sick. I can't inagine doing anal with a guy. That really freaks me out.
I don't feel attrcted to women at all. I don't like there body or anything so I can't be straight!
I also really want children so can I really be gay?
Thanks for advice guys!

At your age sexual orientation is still very plastic. Your definitive orientation is something you yourself will discover in time. It is important not to let anyone talk you into considering yourself one or the other, or both. Not yet.

So much comes into play here: your emotional development; your level of maturity; your relationship with the male role model in your life; your realtionship with girls; whether you have sisters or not, etc., etc., etc.

I am gay and, owing to a strict Catholic upbringing, although I was attracted to the same sex, I was repulsed by the thought of physical contact - of any description. Even kissing! I've got over that now, thank God.:) But I've never had anal sex and am not that pushed about it.

If you're really bothered about your possible orientation and it's getting you down, I think that you should see a good psychotherapist. I know an excellent one but I can't really give out his name over the airwaves. If you're interested, let me know and I'll ask the moderators how to get round this. I stress that this man is marvellous. He will not force you into one camp or the other. He will try to determine why you feel the way you do and help you come to a true undeerstanding of yourself and your orientation. I can't begin to tell you how he helped me...

The best of luck anyway. Whatever the outcome, you'll only be happy when you accept who and what you are. Take it from me. I know what I'm talking about.

ninty9er

user1819 wrote: »

Well I am 18 and I just don't know what to do.
I think I might be gay because When I look at guys I find the attratice. I would like to hug at kiss a guy and touch him but thats it. The tought of having sex with a guy makes me sick. I can't inagine doing anal with a guy. That really freaks me out.
I don't feel attrcted to women at all. I don't like there body or anything so I can't be straight!
I also really want children so can I really be gay?
Thanks for advice guys!

For a start I'm going to say snap plus/minus 3 years.

I was never "into" men or women and went through a phase of just checking people out because others around me were. I was always the one to hit my friends with some "reality check" on the woman they had just convinced themselves was their future girlfriend.

I always noticed guys, but felt a little uncomfortable checking guys out in case someone else was looking.

In total I'd say it took me 18 months from convincing myself that I was bi to coming to terms with the fact that (for the moment at least) gay is where I fit best.

Physical contact doesn't worry me any more and as much as it once repulsed me to think that I'd have sex with a guy I now know that
a)it hurts (it really does, no matter how small he is)
b)it's so insignificant that any genuine guy doesn't care

It was the last part that struck me most. Parental instince isn't restricted by orientation. I could not end my days without having raised a family, I really couldn't. I'm an only child and that had a real impact in coming to terms with being gay as I thought I was going to deprive my parents of grandchildren. There were always kids in our house and it's true to say that kids make a home what it is, especially around this time of year. Do not let the thought of not having kids get in your way at 18. It can be done and as time moves on it will be easier to do.

That's one side of it. The other side is that you may not actually be gay at all, you may be straight, bi or asexual, but do yourself a favour and don't agonise over it once you figure out which one it is; accept it and let people know, one by one if necessary, and in your own time.

When I eventually came out to my friends, they already had their minds made up that there was a strong possibility I am gay, so it didn't bother them, when I told my parents, my mother had an inkling (as most guys will have had a girlfriend by my age and I haven't), when I told the lads at work (everyone at work is 40 or under..I haven't told them all explicitly nor do I intend to...it's not necessary, I wouldn't tell them I'm straight out of the blue) they were massively supportive and again, it wasn't unexpected. So even though I'm not someone who outwardly identifies as gay, most of the people I told either weren't surprised or are very good actors.

The main thing is that you are happy with who you are, beyond that everything's a bonus.;)

stephen_n

Sexual orientation is only a small part of who you are. At 18 there are so many things you need to find out about yourself, what you like, what you don't like and more importantly what connects you to life and makes you unique, be that art, music or many other things. The fact that you are not sexually motivated either way means that you really don't need to wreck your head figuring this out. Start with the little things in life like Jam or marmalade, shoes or runners even what your favourite colour is. Get comfortable with who you are and finding out who if anyone your attracted too will fall into place!

LGiamani

stephen_n wrote: »

Sexual orientation is only a small part of who you are. At 18 there are so many things you need to find out about yourself, what you like, what you don't like and more importantly what connects you to life and makes you unique, be that art, music or many other things. The fact that you are not sexually motivated either way means that you really don't need to wreck your head figuring this out. Start with the little things in life like Jam or marmalade, shoes or runners even what your favourite colour is. Get comfortable with who you are and finding out who if anyone your attracted too will fall into place!

Exactly excellent point stephen n

CorkMan

Does wanting to have sex with another male make you homosexual? I read about how the male G-spot is in the anus, how it makes masturbation better, etc. Is it only normal for every male to have sex with another male then?

I have been having homosexual fantasies since I was in my teens, but it seems to only be sexual. I don't have the same sensual attraction to men as I do for women, kissing, holding hands etc. Just pure sex, pure release.

Nevyn

It could mean that you are bisexual.
and you should learn where the male gspot/prostate is cos it is not in the anus.

Dr_Phil

CorkMan wrote: »

Does wanting to have sex with another male make you homosexual? I read about how the male G-spot is in the anus, how it makes masturbation better, etc. Is it only normal for every male to have sex with another male then?

I have been having homosexual fantasies since I was in my teens, but it seems to only be sexual. I don't have the same sensual attraction to men as I do for women, kissing, holding hands etc. Just pure sex, pure release.

It's kinda gay, dude...

28064212

CorkMan wrote: »

Does wanting to have sex with another male make you homosexual? I read about how the male G-spot is in the anus, how it makes masturbation better, etc. Is it only normal for every male to have sex with another male then?

Anal stimulation is not the exclusive preserve of male homosexuality.

CorkMan wrote: »

I have been having homosexual fantasies since I was in my teens, but it seems to only be sexual. I don't have the same sensual attraction to men as I do for women, kissing, holding hands etc. Just pure sex, pure release.

Bicurious most likely. But have you been having fantasies about sexual intercourse with another man, or just any form of anal stimulation?

LGiamani

CorkMan wrote: »

Does wanting to have sex with another male make you homosexual? I read about how the male G-spot is in the anus, how it makes masturbation better, etc. Is it only normal for every male to have sex with another male then?

I have been having homosexual fantasies since I was in my teens, but it seems to only be sexual. I don't have the same sensual attraction to men as I do for women, kissing, holding hands etc. Just pure sex, pure release.

I'm Gay and only a few times have I done a guy from behind as it to me. The most attractive thing I find in men is when the kiss you. It is the most erotic thing as is touching each other and hugging each other. When I find someone like that I will be happy. Alot of gay/straight guys are great kissers and are gentle and loving and sensitive. Before I do anything naughty on them I will make sure they are kind and caring. It makes sex alot more fulfilling and enjoyable.

CorkMan

28064212 wrote: »

Bicurious most likely. But have you been having fantasies about sexual intercourse with another man, or just any form of anal stimulation?

Yes, I have been having sexual fantasies about with another man. I have no problem with being bisexual, I would embrace it actually. But I don't get the affection part of it, just sex.