How soon is too soon?

candy_pants

Hi all,

Three weeks ago we put down our, very very much beloved, dog of nearly 14 years. The whole family were, and still are, devastated. I was beyond heartbroken when we had to say goodbye.

The thing is, at the time (and before she died when I knew it was close) I couldn't even contemplate get another dog. But after she left, I was comforted by rehoming websites (Dogstrust, DSPCA - I would only ever get a dog from a shelter), I can't explain why - I'm a dog lover so maybe it was a vicarious thing? You see, I wasn't on those sites to find a dog at all but I fell in love with a little guy, who has since been rehomed which is great news, but I just feel like the biggest traitor ever that I could have adopted a dog so soon after. When I broached the subject with some members of my family, it made that feeling worse. I loved my dog so so so much and am still devastated that she's gone so I'm just wondering how soon after do people feel they can rehome a dog? I know its different for everyone but just wondering what people's own experience is?

Thanks...

sophie1234

after my dog died aged 18 i missed her so much and really just wanted another companion! but the family members all said it was to soon.. after 8/9 months i got another dog and my family were happy with that! i still think of my other dog alot and have since got another dog so nw have 2. but everyones different its really up to the person when to get the new dog.. lots of people never get another dog some people get them very soon after! you just need to pick when your ready! and make sure you are ready!!

anniehoo

I know exactly how you're feeling OP. My best buddy (a dog) was PTS in January this year, heartbroken was not the word. I had a few years to prepare myself (she had lymphoma) and swore blind i wouldnt get another pet for a long long time. I lasted only 2months

For me, having a pet around makes me totally and utterly content. I love minding them, walking them (although i got a cat this time but you know what i mean),cuddling up to them etc. I felt a bit lost not having something to care for. I live in an apartment and am out quite a bit so for me a dog just wasnt practical. So i got a cat and hes a great little fella and i dont regret getting him at all or feel like i was betraying my dog.

The way i looked at it was, he needed a home, i missed having a pet around and my dog had a great life so it felt right. Ignore everyone else, you can still grieve for your dog (i still do) even with another pet around. I also thought id never feel the same love again....you do...and very quickly.I was hooked within a week Go for it!

kylith

There is no right time to get another dog. Some people can go years before feeling ready but others might feel ready sooner. If you feel ready to adopt another dog and give it a loving home and a better life than it's had then go for it. You know that you're not replacing your pet, your giving another a good home.

One of my dogs is older than the other so I know she'll most likely go sooner, and I feel that I would have to get another dog soon after that because the one left behind would be completely bereft, and would need the canine company.

candy_pants

Thank you both for your feedback.

I was arguably the biggest mess in the family when it happened (although you should have seen us - all five of us, grown adults, off work for the day, in bits! But it was nice we all stayed with her till the end, it was the least she deserved) but now I just feel the most insensitive but i dont mean it to be like that. I just really miss the company of dogs, and I'm not a cat person but even when the next door neighbours' cats wander in, I cant help letting them nuzzle me!

My family aren't ready for another dog - for practical as well as emotional reasons so it wont happen for a while yet anyway. My parents, especially my mum, have missed holidays and things to take care of her so they finallly have some freedom (which is an awful way to put it but you know what I mean!).

Anyway, I'm glad to know that I amn't a traitor. Although I still feel like it - I never expected in a million years that out of everyone, I'd be the first to contemplate adopting a new dog.

And because we rescued our dog, I sort of feel like I owe it to another stray somewhere to do the same. I read a bereavement poem called The Legacy (below) after she passed, and I really took it to heart - I can't actually read it without welling up! But it sort of sums up how I feel. Its my dogs legacy for another stray to be homed.

Anyway I'm droning on now, thanks everyone for responses. I dont feel as much of a monster as I did.

Thanks


(And here's the poem)

The Legacy

When humans die, they make a will
To leave their homes and all they have
To those they love.
I, too, would make a will if I could write.

To some poor wistful, lonely stray
I leave my happy home.
My dish, my cosy bed, my cushioned chair, my toy.
The well loved lap, the gentle stroking hand,
The loving voice.
The place I made in someone's heart.
The love that at last could help me to
A peaceful, painless end,
Held in loving arms.

If I should die, Oh do not say,
"No more a pet I'll have,
To grieve me by it's loss"
Seek out some lonely, unloved dog
And give my place to him.
This is the legacy I leave behind -
Tis all I have to give.

Tranceypoo

kylith wrote: »

There is no right time to get another dog. Some people can go years before feeling ready but others might feel ready sooner. If you feel ready to adopt another dog and give it a loving home and a better life than it's had then go for it. You know that you're not replacing your pet, your giving another a good home.

QUOTE]

I agree with this, it's different for everyone. When my dog died very suddenly 3.5 years ago I was beyond devastated and people kept saying 'get another dog' it made me so angry they thought I could just replace him like that, anyways a couple of months after he died I started volunteering at a shelter and within a week I had taken a dog home, the first dog I walked there! He was and is a total dote and if you believe in this kind of thing (which I do), I like to think my old doggy sent him to us to look after us, which he has done every day since we got him.

So go with your own feelings and do what you feel is right, don't listen to anyone saying it's too soon or the opposite, whatever you feel, is right.

ETA I just read the poem...it made me cry (at my desk at work), it about sums up what I feel about my old dog sending us the new dog.

anniehoo

candy_pants wrote: »

The Legacy

When humans die, they make a will
To leave their homes and all they have
To those they love.
I, too, would make a will if I could write.

To some poor wistful, lonely stray
I leave my happy home.
My dish, my cosy bed, my cushioned chair, my toy.
The well loved lap, the gentle stroking hand,
The loving voice.
The place I made in someone's heart.
The love that at last could help me to
A peaceful, painless end,
Held in loving arms.

If I should die, Oh do not say,
"No more a pet I'll have,
To grieve me by it's loss"
Seek out some lonely, unloved dog
And give my place to him.
This is the legacy I leave behind -
Tis all I have to give.

Oh my god, that has me ready to burst into tears here.Beautiful!

*in the office, cant start crying, in the office cant start....lalalala happy thoughts*:D

candy_pants

Tranceypoo - thats how I felt about the little pup I fell in love with. He was gorgeous but had such sad eyes like he was crying out for me to give him a home (I realise this is in my head!) but I did sort of feel like our dog will send us the right pup when its time. With the other dog it very much felt like right dog but wrong time. I'm happy he has been rehomed though, thats the important thing and I feel whats meant to be will be.

Thanks everyone for understanding and taking this seriously, I really appreciate all the comments.

candy_pants

Sorry Anniehoo!

I first read that, in work (they're not really dog people here...) the day after our dog left and you can imagine the state I was in! Had to duck down behind my computer screen!

dan_d

When my cat died earlier this year, my aunt said to exactly what that poem sums up......I told her I wasn't sure I wanted another cat, in case the same thing happened again, and she said if I went through life like that I'd never have a pet again, and that there was some little kitten out there waiting to loved somewhere.

Turns out there were 2 (!), but as other people have said - there's no right time. It will happen though.

**Vai**

Just make sure you're over it (relatively) before u get a new dog. If you're still grieving they will feel it and thats not a great way to introduce yourself.

kylith

candy_pants wrote: »

The Legacy

When humans die, they make a will
To leave their homes and all they have
To those they love.
I, too, would make a will if I could write.

To some poor wistful, lonely stray
I leave my happy home.
My dish, my cosy bed, my cushioned chair, my toy.
The well loved lap, the gentle stroking hand,
The loving voice.
The place I made in someone's heart.
The love that at last could help me to
A peaceful, painless end,
Held in loving arms.

If I should die, Oh do not say,
"No more a pet I'll have,
To grieve me by it's loss"
Seek out some lonely, unloved dog
And give my place to him.
This is the legacy I leave behind -
Tis all I have to give.

Ah jesus, now I'm in tears.

candy_pants

Hi Vai,

I've read that before, personally I'd hate for a dog to pick up on those feelings and not feel wanted. Also read that dogs can interpret grieving as weakness and they become the alpha!

Kylith - sorry for making everyone cry with that poem! I find it comforting, in a bittersweet way!

kylith

candy_pants wrote: »

Kylith - sorry for making everyone cry with that poem! I find it comforting, in a bittersweet way!

Oh, it is comforting, but it's still sad. I honestly believe it's true too. Well, except for Rani... "My bed, my toy, my human!" :rolleyes:

liquoriceall

well my family must be the must be the most insensitive people ever! around 24 hours is all we have ever waited before getting another dog! one of my sisters dogs died very suddenly last dec (only 5 years old) and that night we started the search and she went to kilkenny about 3 days later to collect her new family member

candy_pants

No not insensitive at all! Like everyone here has said - it depends on the person and I think also the dog. Like I said, the little dog I came across that I fell in love with - it was the right dog, but wrong time for us personally.

I brought up the subject this evening - more of a 'are we ever going to have a dog again' conversation than a 'lets get a dog asap' one! Again, I think more so for practical reasons than anything I didn't really get a straight answer. I think its because we got our dog under exceptional circumstances - I'm not sure if we would have gotten a dog otherwise and because she became part of the family so quickly I'm not sure we ever considered ourselves a family with a dog because, as sappy as it sounds, she was more than a dog. Anyway you guys have been so brilliant and understanding and my question has been answered! Thank you! I think it must just be that animal lovers are inherently good people - they have to be!

luvdogs

Love the poem

you`ll know when the time is right wether its next week or next year and its not disloyal to your last beloved dog, all dogs are diff and we love them in diff ways, plus it seems like you have a lot of love to give to the next lucky dog!!
have you read the poem "rainbow bridge" , i find it very comforting!!

**Vai**

liquoriceall wrote: »

well my family must be the must be the most insensitive people ever! around 24 hours is all we have ever waited before getting another dog! one of my sisters dogs died very suddenly last dec (only 5 years old) and that night we started the search and she went to kilkenny about 3 days later to collect her new family member

Its not about being sensitive or insensitive, its more about being a strong leader from the beginning of your relationship with the dog as candy_pants mentioned. Nobody thinks your a monster!