My girlfriend bores me, :(

LegacyUser

With my GF for about 5months, all was good to start with as usual. She is very pretty and has lovely slim body but she is very clingy and has started to bore the hell out of me in general and in bed.

All she seems to want to do is sit in and watch tv. I'm not against that now and then but not every night, if I tell her i'm calling round to mates house she gets stroppy and texts me all the time. I've had words with her and told her that i wouldnt spend 100% of my spare time with her and ignore my family and friends. She was ok with this but overall i feel like i'm her hobby or something.

And in the sack, well things are same ol same ol everytime. i've suggested we vary it up a couple of times, just lite suggestions nothing too pushy or crazy but her response was, I'm not one of these fat birds that needs to keep you happy!!!! that caught me a bit by surprise. But i'm fed up with having to go from 0 to perform in 60seconds. I thought women would be more aware of warming up and working into the sex.

She's a nice girl, but i think maybe she is going to turn out to be one of these clingers who want constant attention and if she wont open up in bed then I dont think i can put up with her.

1. How can i get her to be a bit more indepdant and maybe go out with her friends a bit more.

2. How can i get her to relax and open up in the bedroom?

fungun

She is pretty but you dont really sound like you like her personality that much and that you are not that compatible. If you "solved" those 2 issues you mention, Id bet other issues would arise because of the underlying differences.

If I felt as you do after 5 months Id break up with her.

LegacyUser

Speaking from experience, i had dated a girl for 9 months, same as yours, nice looking girl/slim etc...
But....though the texting and attention was nice at 1st it never dropped off...constant texting while i was busy at work...
And she did not drive so i had to pick her up all the time...

Bedroom life was fairly mechanical.

I felt suffocated and eventually after a lot of tears on her part i managed to escape and break up with her... felt like a weight had been lifted..

Bottom line if your bored and unhappy just leave... life is too short..

LegacyUser

Probably right,

Too close to xmas to break up with someone???

LegacyUser

Ask yourself this? Do you really want a project?

If you have to ask;

1. How can i get her to be a bit more independant and maybe go out with her friends a bit more.

2. How can i get her to relax and open up in the bedroom?

The your asking how to change someone, either through subtle hints, or arguements...

Its not gonna happy buddy, move on and meet someone more compatible with yourself..

Believe me, I took on a "project gf" like this and the best thing i did was break up with her, was like a weight came off my shoulders...

Distorted

You sound rather incompatible. There are plenty of pretty girls out there who are vibrant, vivacious and active. Likewise there are plenty of guys out there who are quite dull and who would be happy to sit in front of the tv every night. But if you're bored after 5 months, I don't think its a good sign.

I know quite a few girls (including myself) who had/have criteria for a boyfriend and some people would criticise us for being too judgemental. But I don't think its too bad an idea really, as long as its not materialistic. For example, I know I couldn't bear to go out with a guy who wasn't sporty, or who smoked or something, or someone who was really thick. Its commendab that you want to work on your relationship, but again I can only speak from my own preference, and I'm not sure I would be comfortable with a partner who I had to sort of train to be the way I wanted them to be. I think the only way for such differences to work in a relationship is if you sort of find them endearing.

You say you get the feeling she sees you as kind of her hobby. But from what you write, you sound as though you see her a bit like an acquisition you might have, like a car thats good in some ways but not in others!

Zen65

Distorted wrote: »

But if you're bored after 5 months, I don't think its a good sign.

Yes, that's a very healthy way to look at it.

OP the secret to a good relationship can be summarised in two sentences:

1. Find a suitable person
2. Be the right person.

The real work is in #2. There are hundreds of people who could qualify for criterion #1. It seems to me you've chosen an incompatible person and now you're trying to "be the right person" by working on this relationship. It's very noble of you, but it seems you've picked the wrong project.

Be glad of the relationship for what it was, recognise that you don't have much chance of a future together and move on. You'll probably both be happier with other people.

Unless of course (and you have not alluded to this at all in your post) you think you may actually love this girl?

Be at peace,

Z

Sanjuro

As the other posters have mentioned, it's a compatibility issue more than anything else. I was in a similar relationship. I thought I could knuckle down and make it work despite the issues that were coming up for me about boredom, and what not. But in the end, I got to the end of my tether and had to make the break. Do it sooner rather than later. If not, you may end up disliking and resenting the girl, and I'm sure that's not something you want.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

curlzy

Why are you with someone who bores you??? "For sex" is the usual answer but the sex is boring too. For crying out loud just break up with her. This is honestly a no brainer OP.

AnonoBoy

You're 5 months in and bored with her in and out of bed?

Good lord man, 5 months in to a relationship you should be still dying to see her and at it like rabbits!

What's keeping you with her?

cafecolour

Shallow hal 34 wrote: »

Probably right,

Too close to xmas to break up with someone???

Definitely break up, it's been 5 months and your bored already.

No, it's not too close to christmas to break up, especially since you've only been going out for 5 months. I'd do it soon before she starts shopping for a gift for you (and you have to try and decide what to buy someone who you plan on breaking up with).

LegacyUser

Thanks to all the replied and for donegalfella, that must have taken a bit of time to type out and consider.

To answer those who said why are you still with her/dump her, I guess the reason i havent done that is because its a knee jerk reaction that cant be reversed. If i feel i have done all i can to make it work and it is still stale then i will probably go that route.

Also i'd like to have a look at myself and see if i'm doing something or causing the relationship to stagnate. Her friend got dumped this week too so I have been encouraging her to go spend time with her although she hasnt yet due to weather.

And if she isnt perpared to relax and build into sex with some foreplay then she aint getting sex ( I can be persistant when i want, honest ). Also while speaking to her i havn't just focused on what else i can get her to do, its been about us and her and i dont force the issue as i dont want to come across as agressive.

Again thanks for the replies.