What to say when sending him a first text.

Monkey09

I met a guy over the weekend i worked with briefly a few months ago. We got on really well then and now. I really like him and he seems to feel the same way. He got close enough to asking me out a few time, but didn't really seem to get the words out and seemed to hold back a little. Anyway, at the end of the night, he handed me his card saying that i should send him a text and we could meet up sometime. So now, my only problem is what to say. I was thinking about something along the lines of ''Now that you have my number-if you asked me out, i'd say yes..''
What do you think? Does it sound a bit too much? Maybe i should be a little more casual. I really like him and i don't want to make a mess of things. I'd really appreciate any advice. Thanks in advance!

tinkerbell

I think saying "now that you have my number - if you asked me out, I'd say yes" is a bit too forward if he is a bit shy .... why don't you just text him and suggest that ye meet up for a drink or something instead.

Canluum

Agree with above and just going to add to it. When you do text, don't just say:

"hey would you like to grab a drink sometime?"... this gives a subconscious impression that you're almost waiting on him and that you've nothing else really to do.

Instead be specific. "Hey do you wanna grab a drink on Wednesday? Say 7 in Joe Bloggs pub?"

It also gives him an easy out if he's not interested. He can say he's busy then and not make a counter offer. If he genuinely is busy and interested then he'll definitely make a counter offer.

seenitall

Completely disagree with the above. I would actually suggest everything to the complete opposite.

I think that "hey would you like to grab a drink sometime?" gives just the right impression of someone who is interested but not desperately trying to pin someone down to a time and place right away. At least that's the way I do it, in the instances where I am texting first, and I sure as heck never got any feedback of letting myself look like I am "waiting on him", on the contrary in fact, I expect it is coming across as very much more relaxed and none-too-bothered than "being specific" right away would. It is only the first few texts, no need to push for it too hard, if he is interested he will want to extend the communication and things will start flowing naturally. The guy still has as easy an out as anything if he is not interested - he can text back something non-committal and leave it at that.

While suggesting a time and a place right away has a whiff of pushiness and desperation to me, and I would never suggest it in the very first text (nor would I be overly impressed with his social skills if I got a "shoot-from-the-hip" text like that from someone who I just swapped numbers with).

Canluum

While seenitall has a point based on experience and a certain amount of logic I disagree with her(?) conclusion that it comes across as desperate. Assertive certainly, nothing wrong with that, I'm no fan of a girl who can't make her mind up. It's not the 1930s anymore however, women don't have to act fluttery and demure.

The reason it's not desperate is because you're giving the impression that you may not be free other times. I chose Wednesday as an example deliberately because you're likely to be busy Friday/Saturday of course.

To add to this you should wait at least a week since getting his number before contacting him (though definitely no more than two...). Don't worry, in that time you can only go up in his estimation, he will enjoy "the chase" a bit more as a result.

WeeBushy

Dear lordy, y'all are analysing they waaay yo much. If you want to go out on a date with him then ask him just that.

None of this 'wait one week, but not more than two', 'not giving specific time/date sounds desperate'.

You're both grown ups I presume, no need for silly games. Just ask him out.

IrishEyes19

why not just start it off with "hey how are you?" sort of text, see where it goes?

Canluum

WeeBushy wrote: »

You're both grown ups I presume, no need for silly games.

No games, just psychology. It's naive and idealistically superior to oversimplify (especially) adult romantic/dating/mating behaviour down to such robotic elements.

Canluum

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

why not just start it off with "hey how are you?" sort of text, see where it goes?

Also a good strategy for a hetero girl.

Boskowski

Canluum wrote: »

No games, just psychology. It's naive and idealistically superior to oversimplify (especially) adult romantic/dating/mating behaviour down to such robotic elements.

What's 'idealistically superior' and how is it anywhere near 'naive'? Just curious.

kathy2

Well

If he want to ask you out and is into you wild horses wouldnt stop him texting you.

Dont send anything at all is my advice.

If you really really cant help yourself and want to send a text send a topical joke and no more!!


Nearly doesnt make the grade do you want to nearly be ............

If he's thinking about you trust me he would be on that phone

solovely

Bet you're sorry you asked now, after getting all this conflicting advice.

If you ask me, your own suggestion was perfect. Flirty, fun, shows your interested, putting the ball in his court. I tried a similar tactic at the weekend, and so far it's worked (haven't had the date yet, but he asked....after being told to). Go for whatever feels most comfortable for you!

LegacyUser

And if she was really into him then nothing would stop her from texting him.

Kimia

kathy2 wrote: »

Well

If he want to ask you out and is into you wild horses wouldnt stop him texting you.

Dont send anything at all is my advice.

If you really really cant help yourself and want to send a text send a topical joke and no more!!


Nearly doesnt make the grade do you want to nearly be ............

If he's thinking about you trust me he would be on that phone

Why does he have to be the one to instigate things? Why are you putting all the onus on him? Do you not think that girls should text guys first ever? How strange!

LegacyUser

Kimia wrote: »

Why does he have to be the one to instigate things? Why are you putting all the onus on him? Do you not think that girls should text guys first ever? How strange!

I don't think it's strange at all. Personally, if a man was too scared to stick his neck out and ask me out, then it would make me less inclined to stick my neck out and carry a baby for him for nine months which I think is the desired end result of most (not all) relationships

Monkey09

Well, i've read all the replies, and while there is some conflicting advice, i'm not sorry i asked..

To answer one persons advice, he doesn't have my number so him texting me is not a possibility. He just handed me his card when i was leaving at the end of the night, suggesting we should meet up.

Hadn't really thought too much about the ''time element'' of the situation but i only got his number last thursday so maybe i should wait a few more days before contacting him?

I wasn't really all too worried about him declining my offer really, as it was him who suggested a few times during the night that we should meet again. I really just didn't know what to say in a text-because i wanted to avoid cornering him, which might not turn out so well, seeing as he appears to be quite shy. I definetely didn't want to get involved in games with him, as we're both adults (altough i've never been in a situation where its been left to me to text him!, so that explains why i am new to this.) I thought that by putting the ball in his court saying ''if he asked me out, i'd say yes'', i would appear more casual about it-yet showing him that i'm interested.

Anyway, he does seem like a great guy, and we got on great. I really don't want to blow things as i think we could really have something here.

Thanks again for all the advice!

Katgurl

Op go with your initial idea as it sounds flirty and confident without being cocky. If he gave you number Thursday I don't see any reason wait any longer.

If he doesn't take bait rest assured it had nothing to do ith wording / timing of text.

Sounds promising - good luck!!