What would you do..?

Gerry.L

Just let me say upfront- I have absolutely nothing against atheists or whatever and I hope this thread will be taking light heartedly. Im not trying to start a debate or anything, and Im not trying to rub anyone up the wrong way.... Im just curious.

Now thats said.

So your an atheist. You die after living a long indulgent and sinful life. But it turns out the Catholics were right about everything all along. And here you are about to be sent to hell. But before your hurried off- your a given a minute or two for any final words. What would you say...?

Truley

"It was worth it..."

rainbow kirby

"I've had my fun... and that's all that matters"

ColmDawson

Wait, by "indulgent and sinful life" do you mean I've spent my days stealing from children and snorting cocaine off the buttocks of dead prostitutes, or just that I've lived a normal life without being a Catholic?

housetypeb

Who wants to go to a heaven full of catholics?

Gerry.L

ColmDawson wrote: »

Wait, by "indulgent and sinful life" do you mean I've spent my days stealing from children and snorting cocaine off the buttocks of dead prostitutes, or just that I've lived a normal life without being a Catholic?

Yeh sorry about that. I should have made that more clear.

I meant sinful and indulgent in Catholic eyes. Getting out of bed at 1pm on a Sunday or sex before marriage and that sorta thing was more what I was thinking not a rockstar lifestyle

ColmDawson

In that case, I would hope that in my final words there would be no apologies nor excuses. I'd say that I tried to live life based on empirical evidence and reason (the most accurate ways of ascertaining facts), and that the Christian god did nothing to deserve either my belief or my worship.

Pygmalion

Gerry.L wrote: »

Yeh sorry about that. I should have made that more clear.

I meant sinful and indulgent in Catholic eyes. Getting out of bed at 1pm on a Sunday or sex before marriage and that sorta thing was more what I was thinking not a rockstar lifestyle

Would I really want to go to this God's idea of heaven?
To be honest a God that sentenced me to burning in hell for lying in on Sundays and having sex before marriage probably wouldn't be the best room-mate.

Genghiz Cohen

Give Himself a swift telling off, the fingers then say hi to Luci!

magicbastarder

i would demand to be referred to a team leader to discuss the issue. no point in arguing with an underpaid drone who has not been given enough training or enough responsibility to deal with the issue. if you have no luck with the team leader, i would follow up with some extremely strongly worded letters to the CEO.

Gerry.L

magicbastarder wrote: »

no point in arguing with an underpaid drone

A drone... :eek: Thats St Peter your talking about :eek: :eek: :eek: If he ever gets wind of what you just said there then you wont even get the two minutes

BTW: WHen I die, my plan is to spend my 2 minutes ratting you lot out :P

hiorta

You have proof or even evidence of the catholic notion of a Deity?
One which lives off cannibalistic ritual and superstitious nonsense?

Please, can we get to see this?

ColmDawson

hiorta wrote: »

You have proof or even evidence of the catholic notion of a Deity?
One which lives off cannibalistic ritual and superstitious nonsense?

Please, can we get to see this?

He never said he did; it's supposed to be a light-hearted thread.

Galvasean

"If I could survive to live one more time
I wouldn't be changing a thing at all
Done more in my life than some do in ten
I'd go back and do it all over again

For I have lived my life to the full
I have no regrets
But I wish I could talk to my family
and tell them that one last goodbye"

Gregor Samsa

Bertrand Russell's answer to what he'd say if he died and there turned out to be a deity was "Not enough evidence, God, not enough evidence."

However, Russell was a pacifist, and I'm not, so I'd probably just knee him in the nuts. I reckon that would get me some kudos in hell.

Turtwig

Gerry.L wrote: »

So your an atheist. You die after living a long indulgent and sinful life. But it turns out the Catholics were right about everything all along. And here you are about to be sent to hell. But before your hurried off- your a given a minute or two for any final words. What would you say...?

Malty : "Just curious sir/madam what ever you are, but how many of your believers actually make it past these gates?"

bnt

I'd be like "um, yeah, hello? Have you had a look down there recently? The place is like, totally falling apart, and you want to moan at me? Your mid-level managers have their thumbs up kids' bums and their brains in neutral, so if you're going to smite anyone, smite that shower. Now, where do you keep the virgins ..?"

magicbastarder

phutyle wrote: »

However, Russell was a pacifist, and I'm not, so I'd probably just knee him in the nuts.

since god can impregnate people from a distance, he may not have nuts in the sense you expect.

strobe

"I was promised white raisins.......what gives?"

Irish_wolf

"Well thanks a lot for designing my brain to not accept anything without evidence, why the hell would you create me in such a way that i was destined to go to hell. That's just wrong man"

Or something like that...

Gregor Samsa

magicbastarder wrote: »

since god can impregnate people from a distance, he may not have nuts in the sense you expect.

I had this out with two Mormons that knocked at my door once. According to them, the "image" and "likeness" mentioned in Genesis 1:26 is to be taken literally. He has a nose, ears, nuts, the lot. Obviously he has infinitely powerful nuts - hence the trouble he got Mary into from afar.

They couldn't explain where God's navel came from, though.

Improbable

I would assume I was having a hallucination. On a slightly related note, I suggest you all read this:

http://www.thrivenotes.com/lets-help-germinate-this-seed/

Pushtrak

Gerry.L wrote: »

I meant sinful and indulgent in Catholic eyes. Getting out of bed at 1pm on a Sunday or sex before marriage and that sorta thing was more what I was thinking not a rockstar lifestyle

So, in short, the lifestyle of most Catholics?

Beruthiel

[Edith Piaf]Non ! Rien de rien...
Non ! Je ne regrette rien[/Edith Piaf].

ShooterSF

All kidding aside.. My family and friends regardless of their various claims to religion are all sinners (in catholic eyes) and I severely doubt they genuinely regret the life they have lived to meaningfully repent it at their final breath. So logic assumes they end up in the same situation and faced with a maker most at least pay lip service to. I can only guess they beg for mercy.
Seeing as I have no way to theorise the actions of a deity I can simply hope for consistency. Therefore I must throw myself before the hateful bastard and beg mercy too as it's the best chance, heaven or hell (I doubt either would be much worse given such a gods rep) of spending eternity with those I actually love.

robindch

Gerry.L wrote: »

You die after living a long indulgent and sinful life. But it turns out the Catholics were right about everything all along. And here you are about to be sent to hell. But before your hurried off- your a given a minute or two for any final words. What would you say...?

"Eternity on your knees, satisfying the dismal urges of those above you?

Better you than me, folks!"

nozzferrahhtoo

Gerry.L wrote: »

So your an atheist. You die after living a long indulgent and sinful life. But it turns out the Catholics were right about everything all along. And here you are about to be sent to hell. But before your hurried off- your a given a minute or two for any final words. What would you say...?

I would say "Please god, put the following link in any other books you write":

http://www.wikihow.com/Use-You're-and-Your

Pushtrak

nozzferrahhtoo wrote: »

I would say "Please god, put the following link in any other books you write":

http://www.wikihow.com/Use-You're-and-Your

That was gold right their.
















:pac:

eblistic

"So, why does Mr. Benevolent-Omniscient-Omnipotent allow terrible stuff happen?"

Shenshen

Gerry.L wrote: »

Just let me say upfront- I have absolutely nothing against atheists or whatever and I hope this thread will be taking light heartedly. Im not trying to start a debate or anything, and Im not trying to rub anyone up the wrong way.... Im just curious.

Now thats said.

So your an atheist. You die after living a long indulgent and sinful life. But it turns out the Catholics were right about everything all along. And here you are about to be sent to hell. But before your hurried off- your a given a minute or two for any final words. What would you say...?

"Shame. I had really hoped that if there indeed was a higher being of sorts, it would not turn out to be so utterly morally and ethically inferior."

Canis Lupus

YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!

kylith

phutyle wrote: »

Bertrand Russell's answer to what he'd say if he died and there turned out to be a deity was "Not enough evidence, God, not enough evidence."

That's good; I'm going to nick that.

I'm not too worried about going to hell. Sure, I won't be able to get near the flames for all the priests.

5uspect

I imagine it would be something like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFGrQMD6Uqc

krudler

Give god a swift kick in the bollocks for being an incompetent dickhead, and standing back while the world debated his existence and did the most unspeakable things imaginable in his supposed holy name.

Then I'd go to hell, cos theres people like Ghandi down there, heaven has crazy people

Focalbhach

"I'm going to Hell? For sex before marriage and lying in on Sundays?

... what'd I do wrong??"

Zillah

"What? WHAT?! No! Get your hands off me! This is absurd! No! Pleeease! Nooo! AAAAHHHHHH NOOOOOO!!!"

Pygmalion

SO messing around with fortune out of boredom and out popped this quote.

Robert G. Ingersoll wrote:

God cannot send to eternal pain a man who has done something toward improving the condition of his fellow-man. If he can, I had rather go to hell than to heaven and keep company with such a god.

Figured this was the place for it.

Dave!

"Not enough evidence, God, not enough evidence..."

Mark Hamill

I wouldn't have a chance to say anything before I disappeared in a puff of contradiction. The problem is that the OPs heaven is my hell, so where exactly would I go?

ChocolateSauce

"Since you don't exist, I'm obviously having some kind of seisure."

Or alternatively "What's the deal with evolution? Was it just to throw us off?"

smk89

"Excuse me I'd like to speak to your manager please."

or

"So which one of the millions of religions was correct?"
"Scientology?!? I'd never have guessed it."

DazMarz

"There's no gambling or poker in Heaven, so FÚCK YOU GOD!!!":D

smokingman

Seeing as it's not going to happen, I'll enter into the "fun" spirit just for you OP.

I'd go to hell and take it over (with all the knowledge of how to do so gained from literature, comics and movies over the years) and then I'd come to earth and take over, being a far better god to the religious than their present one.

Simples...

The Mad Hatter

smokingman wrote: »

Seeing as it's not going to happen, I'll enter into the "fun" spirit just for you OP.

I'd go to hell and take it over (with all the knowledge of how to do so gained from literature, comics and movies over the years) and then I'd come to earth and take over, being a far better god to the religious than their present one.

Simples...

I believe what's-his-name has been trying to do that for quite a while now. That said, he's been sitting on his haunches almost as much as the man upstairs.

xSTORMx

"I was expecting something...er... Bigger"

The Mad Hatter wrote: »

I believe what's-his-name has been trying to do that for quite a while now. That said, he's been sitting on his haunches almost as much as the man upstairs.

True! That's why it's time for a women to take over.:p

Comer1

Gerry.L wrote: »

sex before marriage and that sorta thing

I don't know...what are all the Irish catholics that are also standing in line with me saying?

fisgon

I was trying to think of something witty and clever to add to the general banter, and then I came up against this hypothetical situation....

Gerry.L wrote: »

it turns out the Catholics were right about everything all along.

....I'm afraid my imagination just doesn't stretch to such an absurd idea, hypothetical or not.

sensibleken

Gerry.L wrote: »

Just let me say upfront- I have absolutely nothing against atheists or whatever and I hope this thread will be taking light heartedly. Im not trying to start a debate or anything, and Im not trying to rub anyone up the wrong way.... Im just curious.

Now thats said.

So your an atheist. You die after living a long indulgent and sinful life. But it turns out the Catholics were right about everything all along. And here you are about to be sent to hell. But before your hurried off- your a given a minute or two for any final words. What would you say...?

Knock knock

thanks sean

Mercy Seat

Couldn't help but smile, really. Let's face it, all my mates and the best music are bound to be in hell anyway.

Though I'd have to ask him if he has any other life experiments happening around the universe, and if he was dumb enough to give them free will too?