problems with my mother

LegacyUser

Hi,

Im 21, have been going out with my boyfriend for a few years. He has gone through depression in the past year and a half or so, and his lowest point was getting the materials for committing suicide. I managed to stop him before he did anything stupid. During that time, I turned to my Mother for support and a shoulder to cry on because I didn't want to go to my friends, they all have their own problems and don't really like him/know him. I stayed with him, because I love him and I didn't see a reason for breaking up with him.

Now a few months later my Mother keeps telling me pointed stories about people she has heard of, who married men with depression and that it ruined their lives. She keeps talking about how Depression can lead to abusive marriages and all sorts of problems. She is basically telling me that I need to break up with him.

So what I want to know is, can people who have gone through Depression lead happy fulfilled lives afterwards or are they doomed to have depression for ever? Also, how can I get my Mother to stop talking about this? I feel like she is telling me what to do without telling me what to do, if you know what I mean.

I'm at a loose end here. On one hand I can see where she is coming from, but on the other hand I don't want her telling me what to do or think about him.

Jenneke87

Tell your mother kindly but firmly that you appreciate her advise but that it's your life and that you love this man, and if she doesn't like that, tough luck.

If your boyfriend will live a happy life after his depression depends on his own mental strenght and whatever live throws at him, although it has been proven that people who have suffered from depression have a bigger chance of falling into depression again.

Has your boyfriend ever recieved help for his depression/suicidal thoughts. If no, this might benefit him.

All the best,

cafecolour

familyproblems wrote: »

So what I want to know is, can people who have gone through Depression lead happy fulfilled lives afterwards or are they doomed to have depression for ever?

They certainly can, but it needs to be attended to. Is he going to a psychiatrist/psychologist? The depression won't fix itself, it takes work.

familyproblems wrote: »

Also, how can I get my Mother to stop talking about this? I feel like she is telling me what to do without telling me what to do, if you know what I mean.

Tell your mother that you need to know you can trust her and be honest with her in times of need, and this is making it look like you can't, because she keeps throwing it back in your face. So perhaps is better if you have less of a close relationship and keep things to small talk.

JuliusCaesar

familyproblems wrote: »

So what I want to know is, can people who have gone through Depression lead happy fulfilled lives afterwards or are they doomed to have depression for ever?

Yes, but it doesn't make for great gossip so you never hear about them. "He was ill, then he got better, and he's grand now."

astra2000

Hi op there is a tread in long term illness where suffers of depression talk about their lives, its very insightful. The name of the tread is "lets all be anxious/depressed together". Your mother is concerned about you, your her priority not your bf, so dont blame her she is speaking from fear and lack of knowledge, speak with her about it tell her the good things about him and what it is that you love about him. Best of luck