getting back with the ex

lor1

Im in desperate need of advice, totally confused with the situation im in. I separated from my ex husband 2 years ago, we have 2 kids. Due to the circumstances of our breakup i returned with the kids to live with my parents. recently I realised I have feelings for my ex and he feels the same. I think i would like to act on these feelings, but there is an awful lot at stake. He mentally and emotionally abused me, and also cheated on me throughout our marriage. My parents hate him for what he has done and will disown me if i went back to him (my mother is just speaking to me now after i met him for a chat 3 weeks ago). he has been through treatment to deal with alcohol and issues from him own upbringing, and i would like to see if he is a different person now. theres also my kids to think about, i would love to be able to give them a stable family but i know they couldnt take it if they had to go through what we went through 2 years ago, as they are older now and realise whats going on. im in limbo about whether to act on these feelings or to just forget about it and get on with life, i don't want to set myself up for another fall and maybe lose my family, yet i dont want to spend my life wondering what if we did get back together and it did work out. So confused, and suggestions would be much appreciated

LegacyUser

Hi, OP, I can understand your situations.

If you want to go back to him, process with caution.

1. Does he have the same feeligns to you and want to get back to you as well?

If at this moment, you are not sure, better not do anything.

If it's him chasing you now, tell him you are interested to rebuild a proper relationship with him, but he needs to:

1. Go to counselling to sort himself out.
2. Date you and let you two enjoy the time together.
3. Talk honestly with you and open himself up.

HTH.

astra2000

You will need to proceed with caution for the sake of your children and yourself. I too would advise councilling and taking things very slowly. Until you make a firm decision do not tell the kids you are even contemplating it. Depending on the ages of your kids you may need to consider that they might not want you to reconcile with your husband. You need to make an informed decision and see that he has changed for good. There were obviously a lot of problems in your marriage, alcoholism, infidelity,abuse would your ex be open to letting you speak with his councillor to see how much progress he feels had been made? I know this could be seen to be intrusive but if you are considering letting him back into your life you need to have a clear idea what you are letting yourself in for. Best of luck

LegacyUser

I think, for the sake of your children, it would be ludicrous to take a chance with a man who cheated on you and treated you badly just two years ago. I think you know better in your heart. Don't put yourself and your children at risk again. It didn't work before. It's unlikely it will now. Don't fall for it and put yourself back in the past.

sillymen

I think you need to think about your two children right now. What kind of example are you setting for your daughter going back to what was an abusive relationship, or for your son showing that the abuse isn't that bad afterall? You must remember children act like their parents.

Your ex-husband needs to finish addressing his issues and come to terms with his actions throughout your relationship together before he jumps back into it. If you decide to reunite with him, you should for his, yours and your childrens sakes take it in baby-steps.

He needs to repair the relationship with your family, regain their trust and your childrens trust before you get back with him.
Leave discussions ongoing, bring the children with you on outings, demonstrate to the parents that have been so supportive of you that he is now a changed man. If either he, you or your children cannot fulfill this, then you know you've tried and you can all move on.