Ex getting in contact!

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this,

Back in May myself and my ex broke up were together for 4 years and best friends for 2 before that so have known 6 years. We were so close as a couple we she broke it off due to me having some issues at the time nothing major or anything but caused us to drift slightly.

I took the break up very hard personally as i was in love with her even before we got together and gave it everything and got counselling to help me through and took a year off college to help me cope and she knows all of this.

We had a very bad break up she did it by text and refused to meet me or anything and 2 months later she ended up moving to england for the year to work with some friends. Soon after arriving there she text me asking if im ok and saying sorry for how she handled it and it was cause she loved me to much to do it face to face, and i told her leave me alone and she has no idea how bad she handled this and i deserved alot better. She said sorry and that she doesnt want to lose me from her life cause im still her best friend in her eyes and i mean so much to her and told me to text her whenever i feel.

Forward now a month or 2 i have been texting another girl a bit trying to move on with my life but last week or so have been thinking about my ex alot and was thinking about texting her to see how she is, and then tonight i got a text from her again asking how i am. We swapped a few messages and she said she is enjoying england alot but really missing here and she said i hope you dont hate me and saying the same i hope we can be friends cause your my best friend still and that and she is happy for me that im doing ok.

I said to her that im still really upset over what happened and how i was treated and not over it and she said ok she will leave me alone for a while.

From a girls point of view why is she texting me i just dont know what her intentions are???? Is it she really does want to be friends or does she have any other motives??

I would really like some advice please.
Thanks for reading and really sorry for it being so long

LegacyUser

Hi OP, i have and to some extent am in a similar situation, broke up with my ex in May and was my fault but sort of stayed in contact but she only really contacted me when she wanted something but as soon as someone new came into her life she would ignore me etc. My advice is leave her be as she will only wreck your head as even I don't know why my ex gets in contact now and again except when she wants something and she knows I care about her still, fool me

Virgil°

Don't over-think it. If breaking up by text and moving to england isn't a surefire sign that she doesn't want a relationship with you then i don't know what is.
Take her message at face value. She wants to be friends with you. Not out of some genuine longing for friendship i'd wager but to assuage her guilty conscience. She feel like a d$$ckhead for treating you the way she did. And she should!! GOD ABOVE!!! A text message breakup after a 4 year relationship is a ****ing atrocious way to treat someone. You know this much anyway which is good.
Honestly mate, you've probably been told as much and ill bet you don't think it at the moment but you're well shot of someone like that. You deserve better.
My advice? Ignore the ****ing hoore, let her feel like a twat over what she did.
Cut all contact and maybe if you feel up to it, try things out with this new girl Nothing like a few good dates to make you feel worthy again after a breakup.
All the best.

LighterGuy

The girl is a good as a bit*h to you op.
She broke up with you over text, wouldnt see you, then went to england. - What would you say to another guy upon hearing that? What advice would you give him?

I would listen to headexplosion's advice closely. What happened to him (ex using him) is what will happen to you.
And Virgil° summed her up nicely I think.

dublingal80

hi op

i went throuhg something similar as you. ex of four years broke up with me, tried to stay friends, got back together and he broke up with me again, the same way as before. I was soooo angry with him. He has texted a bit apologising, saying how i must hate him etc, but he is only saying all of this for himself. In the 4 years he knew me, he has never seen me this angry and ignoring him. I feel like he is only texting me to make himself feel better... so if anyone asks if we are in touch he can be like, well i have apologised blah blah what else can i do.

Selfish ****

What i would advise you to do, to stop your head being wrecked, is when she texts you, just delete them. No point in wondering why she is texting you, just delete them. You will find someone better Promise

merlie

Hi Op,

I have gone through something similar with my ex bf so I do understand. One thing is she does want to keep you in her life but as a friend, but every time she contacts you, a little part of you hopes that there may be something more when in fact there isn't.

She did hurt you and you are not over it yet. It is always easier for the person who left to get over the relationship quicker, to move on, as she is doing. It is always hard for the person left behind, they get the worst deal, especially if you still love the person who ended it.

I think it is time for you to stop thinking that there may be some light on the horizon for you with her. She wants you in her life only as a friend, but you cannot move on and find the girl who won't break your heart, if she is around and still keeping you in the 'dangling on a string!' She dumped you by text so you could not have your say and ask for to try and work it through. I think its a bit of a cowards way out if you ask me, dumping by text.

You must cut all contact with this girl and if she texts you, don't open it, just delete it without reading it. You need to move on and forget this girl, she doesn't love you and is making a new life for herself. It's time you made a new life for yourself too.

Move on.
Go out with friends, have fun, take up a new hobby/sport, join a club, there's lots to do out there. Enjoy your new freedom

I wish you the best of luck

Wagon

Agree with everyone else on what is being said. Dumping by text, moving to a new country and saying "i loved you too much to do it to your face"...jesus christ. probably the worst excuse I've ever heard.

But i know why she is texting you, I can't think of any other reason for it. 4 years in a relationship means that she would get the emotional side of things from you, something she is missing now. I'll bet that she has been seeing other blokes over there and when it doesn't work out, she'll come to you because you had the emotional connection with you and you can make her feel better. ie. she knows someone cares about her.

It's also something that women do more prone to do than men but as dublingal80 showed us, it is certainly still a two say street. Either way, anyone who knowingly does something like this is a ****in coward and only wants to make themselves feel better.

One thing i will say though is that ignoring the person doesn't always work. Some people are so damn slow on the uptake, or are just completely self centred, that they will initiate contact when it suits them and want to be "friends". So I'd write a polite but strongly worded and firm email to her, explaining why you will never be friends. It doesn't need to be long winded, just straight to the point and clear. This will ensure you won't be hearing from her down the line again and you can move on with your life.

If she does reply? Then ignore it. Just delete it without reading it if you can. Because everything that needs to be said has been said. She'll get the message for sure then and you can get on with your life and put this whole crappy mess behind you.