Sex life problem

LegacyUser

Hey guys looking for advice here. Been with the boyfriend 4 years now, he's a great guy, love him to bits. For the last year and a half though sex has changed. He doesn't last more than 3 mins I'd say, actually 3 mins at most. It's weird, it was like an over night thing. Before this year and a half, it was like 10-25min average.

At first he was apologising saying he was stressed etc (btw I never hassled him about it, i let him approach subject first, told him not to worry about it). I thought things would gradually get better, but it's nearly 2 years now. I think it's getting worse, a lot of nights he last just a minute. Sometimes he cums before we have sex. It's getting a little frustrating. We do foreplay and oral, but it's not making up for physical sex I supose.

He always apologises and I always tell him not to worry, I can't see how I can talk to him about it without upsetting him... He blames tiredness etc.. But he isn't tired and stressed all the time. Sometimes he blames me, saying I'm too tight..which I apologise for!?

I think maybe it could be a medical thing. I don't know how I should talk to him about it. I don't want to hurt him and I know it upsets him a lot of the time, but he never says anything more other than he's sorry and thats the end of it kind of thing.

LegacyUser

Well OP,
As you said it has happened overnight, sounds like something is definietly on his mind.
A good dose of Therapy may be on the cards. If it was a physical problem might have come upon him slowly.
This can be fixed but as it keeps on happening it sounds like he is stuck in a anxiety loop. The longer it goes on unbroken the harder it will be to break out.
Try and suggest that he talks to someone, it's not that uncommon a problem.
Best of luck.

28064212

Idunn0 wrote: »

He always apologises and I always tell him not to worry, I can't see how I can talk to him about it without upsetting him... He blames tiredness etc.. But he isn't tired and stressed all the time. Sometimes he blames me, saying I'm too tight..which I apologise for!?

Definitely don't apologise for it, that's accepting blame for something that certainly isn't your fault. It's likely just a defense mechanism on his part, lashing out because he's frustrated

Idunn0 wrote: »

I think maybe it could be a medical thing. I don't know how I should talk to him about it. I don't want to hurt him and I know it upsets him a lot of the time, but he never says anything more other than he's sorry and thats the end of it kind of thing.

Communication is the only thing that will help resolve this. If he doesn't talk about it, it will put more pressure on him, which will make it worse, which will put more pressure on him. It's a cycle that can only be broken by talking it out. He needs to acknowledge that there is a problem. And you need to be able to talk about it outside of the bedroom. He most likely has no interest in discussing it immediately after his orgasm

There are numerous approaches to tackling premature ejaculation: desensitising condoms and/or lubricants, different positions, slowing the actual movement way down and/or stopping altogether (i.e. with him inside you), bringing you very close to the edge of orgasm before any penetration. But none of these work without actually talking about it