Heartbroken

Alaska1

Hi All,

Read the forums all the time, never though I would find myself posting here.

So here goes....I am 28.

1 month ago my gf of 4 years decides to end things as she didn't love me, just had ''strong feelings'' and that it was best to end things, it was during a phone conversation she ended things.

We were going out since 2006, have known each other for a few years beforehand, things were great. She was stunning and everything you could want in a girl, I knew all her friends etc before we got together. Everything was great, I adored her, worshipped the ground she walked on even. In Jan 2008 I went up to her house and she was crying in her room, she looked at me and said she wanted to break up, I was heartbroken (not as bad as now) we didn't speak for around 3 months, I would talk to her friends a bit and from time to time they would tell me how the ex was getting on. Prob best to mention during this time she kissed 2 different men, she told me as soon as it happened and was just kissed, took me a bit to get over but I felt we were strong so forgave her.

I emailed my ex gf then about 4 months after the break up we got talking got on really well etc etc cutting a long story short we got back together, got on better than ever, usual stuff, holidays, weddings etc. i literally woke up every day thinking of her and how happy I was and as far as I could tell she was too, don't get me wrong we had our fair share of arguements etc etc.

She has been under a bit of strain with a family member who was sick and she had to have a small operation herself that shae was nervous of. about 6 weeks before the break up we had a row as i always said to her ''I love you'' after a phone call or text message before bed etc etc, usual stuff, she said she didn't need to say ''I love you'' every single time we speak, looking back now I should of read the signs, even before that and until we broke up i never knew how she felt or she never gave any signs she was unhappy. I though we were set...

Anyway, now 1 month on I am worse than ever. I actually got physically sick earlier today due to thinking of not being with her. We often talked about marriage etc and what the day would be like. I has a deposit on an engagment ring and had planned on proposing on her birthday which was next month. I text her earlier (we have had no contact since the broke up) asking how her sick family member was and didn't get a reply...

I really don't know where to turn, I am heartbroken....

Alaska1

Still kinda struggling. Anyone ?

No contact at all since the break up, keeping myself busy with gym etc.

Worst time is when in bed I am alone with my thoughts.

astra2000

Hi op I am sorry for what you are going through. There really is not a lot of advice I can give you except to go easy on yourself, be kind to yourself and go out of your way to do things you enjoy or spend time in the company of people you enjoy been with. It will take time for you to adjust to this and you need to accept that. You may have been expecting that you would have gotten over her in the same time frame as the last break up ye had and this is not happening, dont place any expectations on your self take it slowly and one day you will realise its not quiet as raw as it was.
I would advise you not to keep in contact, its only going to tear you up more. This is the second time she has broken up with you tbh if you were to continue the relationship again I dont see that you could trust her again, it would be awful to be so unsure and afraid of getting hurt again.
I really think she treated you with a lack of regard to end your long term relationship over the phone.
Concentrate on you for now and I hope you will find someone who loves you as much as you love her:)

annalucia

Hi Alaska1,

Sorry to hear you feel like this. Break ups are very tough, especially being on the receiving end. I would defo recommend, avoiding reminders of the person photos, delete from facebook and keep yourself busy but you do need a grieving period. 4 years is a long time so its tough on ya

Alaska1

Thanks for the replies

1 thing that has saved me alot of heartache is the fact I never used facebook, may sound strange but seen some of my friends literally living on it 24/ 7 so it really put me off so I didn't bother at all. So glad now.

It's just the thoughts of Christmas without her, and it is her birthday in a few weeks which is literally tearing me apart. I suppose it's the fact I had so much planned, and planned on proposing to her on her birthday, ring was just about sorted before we broke up and would have had it in time for her birthday.

When we had our break up last time I didn't feel as bad as I do now, infact it is 1 million times worse now ! I have tried texting her but no reply, something that made me physically sick as I started thinking about the future without her.

I would never ever wish this pain on anybody, really struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel.

astra2000

Well be glad you are not on face book as in this situation it would only make things worse. I think you need to plan something around the time of her birthday to distract yourself. Get away for a few days if possible but dont sit at home brooding. When you get her birthday over and christmas it may be a little easier a clean sheet. Texting is getting you no where would you not be better deleting her number. I dont doubt that you feel worse this time than the last but you may have forgotten some of the pain. There will be light at the end of the tunnel your just finding it hard to see right now.

Wompa1

I feel for you. Best of luck, time will heal all but it will probably feel like a very long time unfortunately

curlzy

*Big Hug* OP, that really is **** . I know you feel so full of pain that you think things will never get better BUT: this too shall pass. Honestly the best advise is the advise that's been around forever; cut contact, throw yourself into hobbies and socialising and be good to yourself. Another *big hug*.

neveah

There's a reason why there are so many threads like this, it really is a horrendous experience to go through, but rest assured you will come out the other end and you will be a stronger person for it.

It will take time unfortunately, there is no magic cure, the best advice has already been given - cut contact and look after yourself.

Do the things that you enjoy, go on a holiday, go to a concert, reconnect with a friend you haven't seen in a while, go on a lads night out, go to the gym, play soccer, whatever you are interested in. The main thing is to keep busy. If you sit at home dwelling on your own thoughts it will only make you even more miserable. Slowly but surely you will start to see things getting better. I promise you things will get better but allow yourself the time to grieve, don't be hard on yourself. Be strong and know that there is someone out there who will love you like you deserve.:)