Lonely single dad

LegacyUser

Hi i work during the week and ive my child during the weekends, and i feel very lucky about that cos i know a lot of dads cant say the same. I wouldnt give up that time in all the world. But one thing that really hurts is that i wish i had someone to share my child with. The mother is quite simply a very difficult person to get along with, hence the breakup, and shows no sign of ever being nice. So I do my best and i make the best of me and my child's time together, but the loneliness remains.

Im too tired after work each day to really get energised enough to go out and do something. Ive no strength left in me to exercise. My appetite is all over the place. I slump in front of my telly til the clock hits 11 and then i crawl to bed. The weekends are taken up fully with my little one and it's fun, but it hurts a lot to know if things had been different---if id had the little one with someone else---i wouldnt be so lonely anymore. I dont feel sorry for myself---as i say, i know how lucky i am, and i love my child to pieces---but i cant shake off the feeling.

What hurts more is the worry that if i ever do meet anyone i can spend my life with---and at the moment that seems unlikely---then you come to the issue of jealousy. The mum will no doubt try to use th relationship against me with our child, and with the courts. (Long court case, long story.)

And then to be frank theres the sexual frustration. havent shared a bed with a lady in a while now, and although i get on great with people, inside im rattled. Been through hell to get my access to my child (the courts are a battlefield, the aftermath is even worse). I never really feel safe in the knowledge ill be in my childs life for long. All that fear tends to leave me a bit limp, if you get me. So even if im lucky enough to spend a night with a lady, i dont think it'll work out in the sack.

Ive been to counselling to come to terms with things. Dealt with a lot of the pain. But still Id like to know if any other mums or dads feel the same---the peice missing that cannot be replaced. Any advice / opinions welcome. Thanks for reading.

metrovelvet

It's the loneliness of the long distance runner.

Sorry I cant give you much practical advice but I hear you.

Nevyn

AS much as you want to have your child each weekend you do have to make time to have a life of your own so maybe you could consider having 1 weekend a month to yourself.

Also keep up with the counselling if you found it helpful and go to your dr for a check up.
I understand you not having any engery and it's hard in the winter months but you have to look after yourself so you are healthy and able to be around for decades to come for the sake of your child.

There are site for single parents who want to start dating, when you are ready there is hope and love to be found, not matter how odd or difficult your circumstances you'd be surprised. I know I was.

Sleepy

Hitting the gym or any form of exercising regularly will actually increase your energy levels rather than deplete them. It's counter-intuitive but definitely true.

If you don't know what it is already, find a form of exercise that you enjoy and can ease yourself back into. For me, that's always been swimming. Any health-kick in my life has always begun with me going to the pool when I really didn't feel like I had the energy to be there, getting in a few lengths and relaxing in the sauna after... A couple of weeks of doing that 2/3 times a week and I find my energy levels are up to the point where I can face lifting some weights in the gym. Once I'm there, the ball just rolls and rolls.

Take the first step and get doing something again. Let it roll from there and, if you're anything like me, you'll find it empowering. There's great support on the fitness forum and I'd wager that throwing up some weights / getting in a ring and sparring / pushing yourself to go that last mile of a run etc. could well help you blow off some of the frustrations of dealing with your ex.