fed up with my lifestyle

LegacyUser

The title says it all really I'm completely sick of how I'm living my life but I have no idea how to change.I hate a load of aspects of my life and they all seem to feed off each other into a vicious cycle:

1. My job completely stresses me out - I started a new job a few months ago, I love the work but it's tough there's a lot of pressure and it's full of incredibly high performers so I constantly feel like I'm not good enough and that my colleagues are looking down on me.

2. When I feel stressed or tired (which I do alot as the job hours are quite long) I tend to comfort eat and I've put on almost a stone since I first started. I'm not obese by any means (I'm female, 5"7 and weigh 9 stone after the weight gain - it used to be 8) but I can't seem to shift it and it's really affecting my self-esteem. I've always had a pretty good figure and based most of my assessments of my attractiveness around that and now that I've lost it I feel like I'm really unattractive as I've nothing else going for me.

3. I go out way too much, spend too much money and drink too much. I go out at least once every weekend and because alot of my friends are hard-core drinkers usually end up getting fairly hammered. Never to the point of blacking out or throwing up or anything but to the point where I make stupid decisions like kissing guys I don't really like or even bringing them home (never slept with them but I'm afraid it could happen). I also end up having vicious hangovers the next day which can only be cured by loads of food and hence more weight gain. I spend all my money on these nights out so am also almost constantly broke. At the same time I can't spend every saturday night in by myself and I know my days of going out partying are finite so I want to make the most of them while I can.

4. I don't seem to have any self control. This is a huge issue with the drinking and the food. If I am near some free food I just can't resist dogging in and there always seems to be some around. One of my housemates is really into baking so there's ALWAYS cakes, sweets etc around our house which I find hard to resist and because I'm constantly dieting to try and shift that weight these days I end up completely binging and eating loads of them. Then with the drinking like I said all my friends are hard-core drinkers and I'm fed up of that lifestyle - even when I don't want to drink I end up doing it (my friends buy me drinks even when I tell them not to) and then once I've had a few I lose all sense of control and end up having loads more. I'm fed up of spending half (or all in some cases) of my weekend hungover and I'm afraid it's only going to be worse as the party season approaches.

5. I'm 24, single and I've no idea how to meet a boy. All the men I seem to meet out are jerks but I've no idea how to meet others. I know clubs/bars are probably the worst way to meet men but (and this is going to make me sound awful) but guys who get to know me don't seem to fancy me :-( every guy I've had a long term relationship with have been from nights out - we've kissed and then gotten to know each other afterwards. I've never been hit on by a guy who already knows me. I dont think I've got a bad personality - I've plenty of friends and while I'm a bit shy I can still chat to people and make friends relatively easily. I suppose I don't meet many random guys on a regular basis but I've met a few and as I've said none of them seem to fancy me - I work in a very male based profession so while a few of the lads I've worked with have made moves it's always on nights out when they're horrendified and would just hit on anything. I'd love to know where to go to meet nice boys but I'm afraid that even if I did none of them would want me :-(


So basically that's it - if I could stop being stressed by my job, lose some weight, stop going out and getting drunk and meet a nice boy I'd be sorted :-)

Any advice on how to achieve any of the above goals would be greatly appreciated. I just really want to sort my life out - it's been like this for months and while normally I'd be a really really positive person (people have told me in the past that I'm one of the most positive people they know) I've just been feeling incredibly down recently about all of the above - any help would be appreciated! :-)

silverharp

cause and effect can be difficult to tease out. Personally I'd break it down and try to tackle the diet / splurging issue first. I have a job that has alternating perods of high and low stress. I switched to a low carb diet and have basically cut sugar out of my diet and I simply dont react to stress as I remember doing. So now even on days when I have tight deadlines etc. I eat exactly the same as any other day. If you eat a lot of sugary/carb or junk food, your body gets into insulin overload and your eating can get out of control which circles back into your mood, rince repeat.
I'll leave the rest to the other bordsies

Zen65

needanewlife wrote: »

I've never been hit on by a guy who already knows me.

Well clearly you don't like you much, so why would anyone else?

This is one of the roots of your problem: you don't like doing what you do, but you do it anyway to please these other people who don't seem to have your best interests at heart.


So, start by just changing one thing. How about any one of the following:

1. Next weekend, drink pints of water between every alcoholic drink. That'll save you money, save you a hangover, but still let you go out with your mates.

2. Join a sports club or gym (sports club probably cheaper). Take up something that will introduce you to new people, as well as help you use up some calories. What about something unusual like archery (not burning too many calories), a martial art (judo, karate, krav maga, etc), olympic handball (team event... opportunity to mix with a new set of girls).

3. Instead of eating the free stuff around the house, ask your housemate if you can put a few cakes into a box and bring them into work next day. It will reduce the number you eat yourself, and possibly help with integration into the office.

I started a new job a few months ago, I love the work but it's tough there's a lot of pressure and it's full of incredibly high performers so I constantly feel like I'm not good enough and that my colleagues are looking down on me.

Well yes, they possibly do. You're the "newby" so they treat you as the least experienced member of the team. That happens most places and it changes after a year or so, or when the next new recruit joins. Get over it, it's part of the right-of-passage.

I'm 24, single and I've no idea how to meet a boy.

Yes you do. You know that clubs/bars are poor hunting grounds and you hunt there anyway, because otherwise you'd actually have to change something. Start with one of the smaller changes above, and in a short while you'll realise that change is pretty easy and enjoyable. If you can make those changes, you can stop (or reduce) your time in clubs & bars - then you'll find other opportunities crop up that you currently don't leave room for.

And by the way.... 24 is very young, so don't be dwelling on the "single" thing!!


Be at peace,


Z