Do I expect too much?

stupidusername

I broke my ankle in dublin on wednesday night. broke it in two places. needed surgery to put plates in it to hold it together and heal. It was about 3 in the morning when I got seen. I rang my dad at 6.30am, as I knew he'd be up for work then, and as my father, should know I broke something.

He seemed a little pissed off, but always does. said to let him know what was going on etc. I was moved to a ward, told about the op i was going to have. i told dad as i knew. he asked did i want him to come up, I said no, there's no point. though really I would've liked someone with me. not him though, cause he'd be no support at all. he said right I'll be up the next day so, as that was when i was told i'd be let home.

i had my operation. etc etc. woke up yesterday morning. waiting to find out when i'd be let go. had to wait for the physio to see me before i could go. told dad as soon as i had some idea what time i'd be done. texted him said I should be done around 4.30/5. he asked if it was ok he brought his new girlfriend with him (which is a whole other story) I said that's fine. he texted me at 3.30, said he was leaving then, of course didn't arrive til 6.20 then. I was practically being pushed out the door so I was a little anxious about waiting around.

he came in anyway, porter brought me out, he went and got the car. he found somewhere we could get food, a drive thru, so i didn't have to get out of the car. we went off home.

got in last night, he brought in my bags and stuff. plugged in a heater in my room, which i didn't need or ask for, but I thought, hmm thats nice. left everything else. I needed pillows to be moved so I could rest in the sitting room. had to ask him to bring them for me. had to unpack my stuff myself. charge my phone, get my computer. he just went and sat down and watched tv. Got a little bothered at that point cause I was clearly going to have to ask for everything i needed done.

he went off to bed. then i was going. so i had to carry down my pillows myself to my room, which is hard to do with crutches, and bring my phone and turn off the sitting room things, turn on the hall light, step around everything in the way. ended up half falling over, just bawled away to myself for a minute in the hall.

woke up this morning. needed food, as I'm on anti depressants, and if i don't have food for a while I will vomit. couldn't manage to get cereal myself because of everything it involved. just took my tablets and got back into bed. actually managed to get my foot into a comfortable position, so that it hurts minimally.so haven't moved out of my bed since.

i eventually rang my sister (who lives next door) to ask her to come over and fix me some cereal. she said with a sigh, that she'd be a half hour. this was 1.30pm. she came over. all in a huff. but got it for me. asked me had i a list made of what i needed. i said no. i made one. she said she'd get me the stuff.

dad came home in the meantime. said he was meant to be going away for the night with yer one, but can't leave me here. I said well I thought I'd be fine but I can't seem to manage anything. he said well I suppose I wont go so. I said well I don't want to be stopping you from doing things...

then he said after a bit, that yer one was in town nearby and she wanted to know did i want anything picked up for me. I said nah i'm fine, my sister was gone off getting me stuff. he said are you sure, I thought well maybe it'd show some sort of friendliness on my part if i did ask her to get me something. but i just said god i wouldn't know what to even ask for. he just goes, well if you don't know, how are any of the rest of us meant to know! I held back the tears, and just said its fine my sister will be back in a while with the stuff.

so she came back. she asked did i want anything else. I just said would you mind getting me a hot water bottle (as I'm freezing here) and she went to do it. while she was up in the kitchen with dad they both started having a bitch about me. I didn't get it all, but i heard bits. there was "it'll be there for a few days, but after that she's on her own" and "it's all about me now".

All I need is someone to help me make food. someone to do little bits here and there that I physically cannot do myself. my sister sent my nephews down to say good bye to me as she was heading off, and I was in tears after hearing all that. I hugged them like I'd never see them again, because I feel like I need to get out of here.

My friend has said it's disgraceful the way they're behaving, and that he'll check with his parents if I can stay at his house.

I just want to know, am I really being that unreasonable? I got home at 9.30 last night, and already they're complaining about how much I want done. I've literally asked dad to 1) grab my laptop, plug it in 2) get my painkillers from the chemist (which he's said no to) and that's it.

I've asked my sister to 1) get me a list of food and painkillers 2) make me a hot water bottle 3) get me a bowl of cereal.

Is this too much? what am I getting wrong here? I mean a few weeks ago my sister had an operation, and I was constantly offering to do things, I did everything I could. I mean why is it too much to ask that i get some help when i'm going to be laid up for 6 weeks?

John Mason

i really dont understand why you cant cook your own food.:confused

when i was on crutches i was still able to look after myself and go to work likewise when my arm was in plaster i was able to cook my own dinner.

you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, pick yourself, dust your self off and get on with your life

stupidusername

I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I genuinely can't do anything.

And the reason I can't cook is because I can't rest my left leg anywhere, so have to hop around and am using crutches to get around, so even for a person having never used crutches surely anyone can see how awkward that'd make getting food??

I have depression, and am having withdrawal from my meds because i didn't get to take them on time in the hospital so I'm feeling quite unstable, and I find it very unhelpful to read comments like 'stop feeling sorry for yourself'.

LegacyUser

It seems to me that they are being a bit impatient. You've injured yourself and need a little extra help. They should be a bit more compassionate with you, particularly as you've other things to be worried about such as your depression. I'd ask your father if he wants you to leave. Tell him you could go stay with your sister (if you can) or go to a hotel (if you can). Making food should be difficult but not impossible. If your foot is broken and HAS to be elevated at all times I'm not sure how you're suppose to even get out of bed! You could always position two stools together and cook that way. Make easy, small meals, maybe.

I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself but that you can't actually function on your own right now. Discuss the situation with your Dad. Be polite and calm. Stop trying to hold back the tears. If he sees you crying he might take your more seriously.

If that fails, ask one of your friends for help.

stupidusername

Hmmm..?? wrote: »

It seems to me that they are being a bit impatient. You've injured yourself and need a little extra help. They should be a bit more compassionate with you, particularly as you've other things to be worried about such as your depression. I'd ask your father if he wants you to leave. Tell him you could go stay with your sister (if you can) or go to a hotel (if you can). Making food should be difficult but not impossible. If your foot is broken and HAS to be elevated at all times I'm not sure how you're suppose to even get out of bed! You could always position two stools together and cook that way. Make easy, small meals, maybe.

I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself but that you can't actually function on your own right now. Discuss the situation with your Dad. Be polite and calm. Stop trying to hold back the tears. If he sees you crying he might take your more seriously.

If that fails, ask one of your friends for help.

ya my foot is meant to be elevated at all times. this is my point, besides it being quite difficult to stand for any length of time. i'll manage a few small things i'd say. going to have to try something in a while, though i think a frozen pizza is as far as i'm going tonight.

I couldn't help but cry earlier, my sister and dad both saw me, but didn't care. my sister also now knows that i'm on anti depressants, as that's one of the meds she had to get and had asked about it, but yet still nothing, though they've all the patience in the world for my brother who they know gets depressed. (thats another story)

I don't think there's much point asking for help. i think it's just about time i accepted my family just aren't nice. My friend has already offered to help me out, so if its ok with his parents, I'll just move out to his house for a small while.

I just don't feel like i'm asking that much, and I thought this is the one time I'd be able to depend on them. but apparently not. I just wanted to know has anyone been in a similar position but had to depend on their family. and how it went.

LegacyUser

stupidusername wrote: »

ya my foot is meant to be elevated at all times. this is my point, besides it being quite difficult to stand for any length of time. i'll manage a few small things i'd say. going to have to try something in a while, though i think a frozen pizza is as far as i'm going tonight.

I couldn't help but cry earlier, my sister and dad both saw me, but didn't care. my sister also now knows that i'm on anti depressants, as that's one of the meds she had to get and had asked about it, but yet still nothing, though they've all the patience in the world for my brother who they know gets depressed. (thats another story)

I don't think there's much point asking for help. i think it's just about time i accepted my family just aren't nice. My friend has already offered to help me out, so if its ok with his parents, I'll just move out to his house for a small while.

I just don't feel like i'm asking that much, and I thought this is the one time I'd be able to depend on them. but apparently not. I just wanted to know has anyone been in a similar position but had to depend on their family. and how it went.

i broke my leg last year, live away from home so had no family around at all, just house mate to help but he was in work most of the day. its was a bit awkard defeintly but nothig too bad.
for food i just ordered tesco home delievery, in fairness its not very hard making a bowl of cereal or making a small meal. I used a computer chair on wheels to move around the apt or carry anything i needed.

i think your family could show a bit more understanding and care a bit more all right.
you should also make a bit of effort to do stuff for yourself. Theres not a lot you cant realisticly do when on crutches if you put your mind to it. Just takes a bit more effort.

LegacyUser

stupidusername wrote: »

I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I genuinely can't do anything.

And the reason I can't cook is because I can't rest my left leg anywhere, so have to hop around and am using crutches to get around, so even for a person having never used crutches surely anyone can see how awkward that'd make getting food??

It's awkward but it can be done.

stupidusername wrote: »

I have depression, and am having withdrawal from my meds because i didn't get to take them on time in the hospital so I'm feeling quite unstable, and I find it very unhelpful to read comments like 'stop feeling sorry for yourself'.

Yeh, I have depression too. You wouldn't get withdrawals from missing meds for a day or two. They are long acting medications. It takes a lot more than 48 hours to have withdrawals.

The way you've reacted to that poster so defensively indicates to me that you are a 'high maintenance' type of person. Remember you did ASK whether you were expecting too much so you need to be prepared for the answer.

There is a lot of detail in your post. And frankly it's quite self pitying. You even have your location as bed/your couch as if you are canvassing for sympathy.

Depression is common. Unfortunately you don't get special treatment just for being depressed. Your sisters and fathers different reactions to you and your brother speaks volumes too. The sighs and slow reaction to your requests could indicate that you have a pattern of selfish behaviour and your brother doesn't. I'm just saying it's a possibility. We are often the last people to see ourselves realistically. We make excuses for ourselves.

You talk about depression but were you socialising on the night the injury took place? If so that could be another reason your loved ones are impatient with you. They might see it that you are well enough to socialise but as soon as something happens you become helpless and dependant.

Things can be done on crutches. You've got to try. I assume you are an adult living out of home?

Cheap Thrills!

Hi OP,

Does your sister have kids? If so don't be reading anything into a sigh! It's not easy to drop things and run with kids about.

Your Dad cancelled his night away for you and his girlfriend offered to get you stuff in town so that's not so bad is it!

People aren't perfect OP. I am guessing you are a teenager? It can be hard to see things from other peoples point of view sometimes but I'm sure they mean well.

Having to charge your own phone and switch off a few lights etc is hardly the end of the world really, come on!! When they sahy elevate the foot, they mean as much as possible. Obviously many people who live alone wouldn't be able to elevate half as much as you so look on the bright side.

Try not to take it all so personally.

Ainekav

Why are people bashing the OP? She hardly deserves to be bitched about and treated like a nuisance when shes in pain and laid up!

OP your Dad is a disgrace for not getting you your painkillers and your sister not much better for bitching with your dad.

I say move in with your mate for a week or two until your ankle starts to get a bit better.

Good luck

cafecolour

I don't know, they sound like they are being accommodating, it sounds like their attitudes you are more bothered about. You seem to imply they are normally like this though, are you sure you're not reading too much into it their normal way of behaving?

Also, how did you break your ankle? Ie is this a result of drunken shenanigans? If so, I can see why their sympathy might be less than other reasons.

Is this a rare event that you ask them for help, or is this relatively common?

astra2000

Hi op you need to accept that while it will be tough you need to find a way of doing some things for yourself. Is it possible that your dad and sis are reacting this way because of previous form you may have had .ie a lack of helping your self in tough situations. I am not saying this is fair and I do understand that it is really difficult for you to adjust to this and you are in a lot of pain but as the days pass it will get easier.
I am just wondering how you broke your ankle? A family member broke a limb last winter and tbh it was difficult to be 100% sympathetic as she was very very drunk at the time:p . Why dont you just speak to you dad and tell him how you feel.

Jenneke87

Hey there,

I fractured my ankle twice, it was broken and dislocated so I know what you're going through and I wish you speedy recovery.

Are you asking too much? Hell no! It's very difficult to make food if you're on crutches because you almost hold nothing between your fingers while still using your crutches properly. And don't even think about using one crutch so you have one hand free, it will end in disaster!

Are you still living at home? Do you actually get on with your parents because from what I read, it doesn't really sound like it. It is possible to hire a wheelchair from a hospital and move around in that? At least that way you should be able to cook and do some things yourself. And one you get the hang of them you can do some pretty neat stunts with them:D

Try to talk to your family. Tell them you need their help right now, and that's it's only temporarily. Make it understood you're asking it because you really need it and that you are not using your broken ankle as an excuse to have everything done for you. Co-operate with them by doing as much as possible yourself and leave the things that you really can't up to them. And let them know you really appreciate it.

Best of luck!

Big Bag of Chips

It all depends on what sort of person you normally are! Are you always quick to help out around the house? What sort of people are your dad and sister usually? Do they do almost everything for you, in normal everyday life? Or do they do very little.

If they are the type that do very little in the mornal run of the day, then expecting them to be different now is only setting yourself up for a fall. They are not going to change overnight! If you are a drama queen type who usually makes a mountain out of a mole hill then they are also going to be p*ssed off that they now have to wait hand on foot on you, even more!

Your are most likely going to be on crutches for the next couple of months. It is obviously very new and awkward for you now.. but you will get better at it.

If your family aren't the kind to play nurse maid, stop expecting them to.. do as much as you physically can yourself and only when you're really stuck ask for help.

Keeping your foot elevated "at all times" doesn't necessarily mean that you can't be upright every so often!

Moonbeam

How old are you?
Are you still able to go to work?
Do you live at home in your parents house?

stupidusername

I have been living out of home since I was 18. I recently moved home because I had to move out of my apartment and hadn't another one to move into. but am now trying to move to dublin.

I've never depended on my dad or sister to do anything for me, rarely asked for anything. My brother is the selfish one in my family and yet everyone runs around after him because they know he gets depressed every so often. They don't know I have depression, well my sister may have copped on now because of the tablets yesterday.

My dad and sister have made a big deal over the past few weeks of me needing to get in shopping (for myself and my dad, as he won't do any) when all I've ever asked for is to go with my sister to town when she was going. Other than that I asked for nothing. I visited my nephews a lot and did absolutely everything I could for both my sister and my dad for the past while that I've been here. As I stated previously when my sister had an operation I was over to help out every day, constantly without being asked. That help was taken, and taken for granted. Though I didn't think anything of it at the time, sure why would you, you're meant to help family members when they're in need right :rolleyes:

I did ask for people's opinions on whether or not I was asking too much of my family, but I expected a sort of common decency and not to be told crazy things like I'm using my depression as an excuse. You really should be careful the way you say things like that to people, by the way. I guess being unemployed for this length of time and being so isolated from living in the middle of nowhere as well as not getting on well with my family just made things hard enough, and then this on top just made things almost unbearable.

Generally I'm not the most active person in the world, but I never expect anyone to do anything for me. I haven't been using this as an excuse to do nothing as some people seem to think. If you knew the pain that this is you wouldn't be saying that.

I guess I've answered my own question really, because I know my what my family are like. I can see that (while I did help my sister out a lot) she doesn't consider herself in the position to help me, and my father has resorted to living like a teenager, not wanting a care in the world. So I now know the full extent of my families disinterest in me and I know that it was too much to expect from them.

I had a couple of pints in me at the time of the fall, however me falling was nothing to do with having drink in me, though I really don't see how that should make any difference to how I should be treated. My mother had cancer as a direct result of smoking for 30 years but no one blamed her for that. My sister had to have her gall bladder out, which is at least in part due to her being overweight, but no one's blaming her for that.

metrovelvet

There is an overall problem with seeking perspectives on PI and that is people dont read anymore.

Surgery is not easy to get over. It takes a lot out of you and a lot out of your body.

I never broke a leg but I broke an arm [no surgery] and I remember every slightest anything hurt it, even when the bus hit a bump. I found it difficult to bathe and dress or slice an onion or any of the things you take for granted. It takes a long time to learn to compensate for what you are missing right now. I imagine a leg out of use is much worse.

At teh same time people get resentful if they sense a vibe of expectation from you. Try to phrase things in the form of grateful requests and also express your appreciation and see if that helps.

I completely agree with Yes you are's post. You asked for opinions. You got them. You seem to be hiding behind the whole depression thing. When you got a reply (after asking for opinions), and you didn't like what you heard, you said that you have depression and they're being unhelpful. You pretty much implied that their unhelpful reply (which would have been helpful had you actually wanted honest answers) was contributing to how bad you feel. You mention your depression very frequently, in order to cause each point you make to seem even more dramatic than it is. The fact that you seem to try to villanise the posters who don't sympathise with you makes it seem to me that you probably are a bit self-absorbed. I'm not saying this to be mean. I'm saying this because you wanted to know if you're being unreasonable, and I'm giving you an answer. I agree with other posters that the reason you get less sympathy than your brother is probably because you seem to want sympathy more.

If I saw someone on crutches trying to make cereal, I'd offer to do it for them. If I saw someone on crutches sighing and puffing and making a huge deal out of how they find making cereal difficult, I'd only help them if they specifically asked me, as I wouldn't want to refuse them but I wouldn't really want to help them either. I'd say your brother is probably the former and you are probably the latter. It's totally ok to want someone to get you your prescription or get some food in for you, and your dad and sister did do that for you. Your dad cancelled his whole weekend away so he could make you cereal and hot water bottles, as I'm assuming your prescription doesn't need to be refilled every day, and that you don't have to get in fresh food every day. This is a bit too much to ask for. I understand that you're finding it very difficult being in crutches. I agree that it would be nice for your family to want to take extra care of you, but it should be out of the kindness of their hearts and you should feel really appreciative of it, but clearly you think it's your right to expect care from them. Why would they do it when you don't get that they don't have to?

Persevere. It might take time but you will get the hang of making cereal. Try just taking all the stuff out, sitting down and then doing it at the table. Adapt, it's only for a while and if you have to have a couple pizza's a week then so be it. Order out. Microwave. Do whatever's easiest for you. Lots of veg can be eaten raw, or you can eat extra fruit instead even. Pasta, rice, etc, can all be bought in microwaveable packets, the sauces too. The taking stuff out/putting stuff away should be the only awkward bit really, as you can do most things sitting down if you just take the extra time. As you wont be going anywhere, you'll have all day to prepare stuff. As for water bottles, I understand that you shouldn't risk holding a boiling kettle when you can't jump back if you drop it, but try wearing extra layers, getting another blanket, turning the heating up if you can, closing doors and curtains to keep heat in. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm saying it's doable. Also, apologies for the long reply.

stupidusername

true-or-false wrote: »

the reason you get less sympathy than your brother is probably because you seem to want sympathy more.

I am being treated for depression since May of last year, and have not once mentioned it to anyone in my family. How is that wanting sympathy from them for it? THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT

stupidusername

stupidusername wrote: »

I am being treated for depression since May of last year, and have not once mentioned it to anyone in my family. How is that wanting sympathy from them for it? THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT

I meant sympathy in general, not just with respect to your depression. You seem to be angry. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to offend you. I stand by what I said, but if you don't want opinions like mine you should probably retitle your post.

Kablamo!

I'm going to sound like a total b*tch, but I think you just want people to say
"Yes, Stupidusername, your family are total jerks!".

You asked for opinions, they are being offered.

If you're feeling really crap, well, that sucks, and I'm sorry that the people around you aren't being as helpful as you'd like. But- at the end of the day, you have a broken leg. Where there's a will, there's a way. If you're that damn hungry you'll manage to get food somehow.

Nevyn

Some people dont' get how sore and frustrating a broken ankle is, I took a chip out of my knee cap a few years back and was on crutches and it was hellish. Between the not being able to stand for any length of time or carry anything to the sleepless nights and the pain meds making me woozie. The first week or so is very hard and I don't think your being unreasonable, I do think that a lot of people don't understand and have become very selfish when it comes to helping family memebers who need to be cared for.

I think your mad to be trying to close down the house for the night you should have left it.

LegacyUser

I was on crutches for 4 months after having a major operation on my ankle a few years back, was staying at home as well but there by myself most of the time as my parents worked, and i managed just fine with it, sure getting around the house is a pain but you adapt and learn how to manage.

making a bowl of cereal isnt that hard like, just awkward and takes longer than it usually would, same as showering, getting up and down stairs, changing clothes, etc. never stopped me, you've got a broken ankle you're not in a full body cast. Are you expecting them to change your clothes and wash you as well?

LegacyUser

OP I think your family sound very selfish, but it sounds like you know that already. Dont expect anything from them, look to good frirnds who can support you instead.
As for all the other posters here giving you a hard time for mentioning you have depression, that really bothers me. If you said I have cancer and I broke my ankle there would be lots of concern and sympathy, but people dont seem to recognise depression as a legitimate illlness. I work in the area of mental health and know how dibilitating and REAL it is, you wouldnt believe how many people think it is just "laziness" or "self Pity" or selfishness. there is a campaign by amnesty running at the moment to try and raise awareness of the reality of depression and mental health issues that is long over due. If depression was just something people could "shake off" or "pull them selves together" or get up off their arses, dont people think the sufers would do exactly that, who wanats to feel **** lonely down and sad all the time???
From what you wrote it sounds like your family has some issues, and you were hoping that this accent would show you that deep down they are good people, but that hasnt happened. I think you have too high expectations of them. I would reccomend you get some counselling and sort your depression (good bews is it doesnt have to be forever) staying on anti depressants long term is not the solution, you have to address the underlying causes and heal from them,. You will be suprised that if you do this work for yourself your relationships with your family will improve too.

Nevyn

For some people anti depressants long term is the only solution and something they just have to live with only medical professionals can make that call on a case by case bases.

Katgurl

i feel very sorry for you OP. I had major surgery on my leg a few years ago & it really knocks the wind out of your sails. I remember being wheeled out of the operating theatre & thinking nobody was waiting for me - i was crying & crying & crying. then i arrived back to the ward and saw my sister sitting on the bed, my mum & my boyfriend hovering & the waterworks started again!

I really think your family are being very thoughtless & cold. I don't think you are being unreasonable but what you are speaking about here are the practicalities but what you actually need is to be looked after a bit.

I don't think you are going to get any joy where you are so my advice would be to go to your friend's house for a couple nights TLC.

Chin up & take care of the ankle - no booze / cigarettes & plenty iron rich foods.

Greyfox

Katgurl wrote: »

I really think your family are being very thoughtless & cold. I don't think you are being unreasonable but what you are speaking about here are the practicalities but what you actually need is to be looked after a bit.

I definitely agree with the above OP, my brother was on crutches for a few weeks only a few months ago and had pretty much everything done for him by the rest of our family as even doing simple things was a massive struggle for him. I guess everyones family is different but I think your family have been very unfair and lacking compassion as you weren't asking for much, just help with basic necessities

Hope your ankle gets better soon and best of luck with your future jobhunting

dublingal80

Hi Op

I had an op on my food 4 and a half years ago, I was supposed to be on crutches for 4 weeks but ended up on them for 8 weeks which i was devastated over. I had arthritis that flared up while i was on the crutches and I had crohns. I lived with my sister so she was home from about 6pm in the evenings and it was very lonely and difficult to get things done and yeah i did feel sorry for myself... I hated going up the stairs, i found it so hard, terrified i was going to fall over, but after a few days i learned to go up on my bum backwards and near the top couple of steps, to stand up and hop up them. WAY easier

Also, when it came to food, i had a school bag, a tupperwear box and an empty bottle. So id feel the bottle with whatever drink, make a sandwich and put it in the box and put whatever i needed in my school bag and would mean i could sit on the couch and i didnt need to move.

Why not have toast instead of cereal in the mornings instead. That you can do yourself and you can put it in a tupperwear box, even the box in a plastic bag until you get to a chair, just to carry it

I found it horrible being on the crutches and i did have my moments where i did cry, i hate the damn things, but i think, the more you get used to them, the different ways you will figure out how to do things yourself

hope you feel better soon

LegacyUser

stupidusername wrote: »

he asked did i want him to come up, I said no, there's no point. though really I would've liked someone with me. not him though, cause he'd be no support at all.

woke up this morning. needed food, as I'm on anti depressants, and if i don't have food for a while I will vomit. couldn't manage to get cereal myself because of everything it involved.

i eventually rang my sister (who lives next door) to ask her to come over and fix me some cereal. she said with a sigh, that she'd be a half hour. this was 1.30pm. she came over. all in a huff. but got it for me. asked me had i a list made of what i needed. i said no. i made one. she said she'd get me the stuff.

while she was up in the kitchen with dad they both started having a bitch about me. I didn't get it all, but i heard bits. there was "it'll be there for a few days, but after that she's on her own" and "it's all about me now".

All I need is someone to help me make food. someone to do little bits here and there that I physically cannot do myself. my sister sent my nephews down to say good bye to me as she was heading off, and I was in tears after hearing all that. I hugged them like I'd never see them again, because I feel like I need to get out of here.

Is this too much? what am I getting wrong here? I mean a few weeks ago my sister had an operation, and I was constantly offering to do things, I did everything I could. I mean why is it too much to ask that i get some help when i'm going to be laid up for 6 weeks?

first of all, your father asked you did you want him to come in. You said you didn't want him to come in because he's not much support. On one hand you're giving him the impression that he's not much use, and on the other hand you're looking for help off him. Which is it? He probably thinks you think little of him, but yet he's good enough when no-one else is around.

When you got home, he did a few things for you but that wasn't enough. He didn't do all the things you wanted done. He's probably trying to do his best, but all you can remember (and describe in great detail) are the things he didn't do!

As for not being able to get yourself food, I know if I were in your position I would have made sure to eat something/anything, even dry cereal, to stop myself from throwing up. Your first morning after coming home from hospital and things still weren't in order. That's not a sign that nobody cares for you. It just means that people were caught on the back foot. Your sister came around and sorted out food and shopping for you. Yet you had to point out that she was huffing and puffing about it. Still doesn't change the fact that she went and did the shopping for you. Once again you've described in great detail the negative things while conveniently glossing over the positive things your sister has done for you, describing them in a 'just reporting the facts' kind of way.

I don't know what the bit about your nephews has to do with your family treating you badly.

There's nothing wrong with looking for help from your family, or your family giving you help. That's what family is for. What's wrong with this whole picture is your insistence on highlighting in great detail where your family went wrong. Which is a slap in the face for the people who are going out of their way to make things easy for you when you're laid up.

Ditch the woe is me attitude and you'll find there'll be no more bitching sessions between your father and sister.

TheresaT

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear you're not well. Having a broken ankle and depression is no fun and I'm sure nobody here is trying to suggest depression isn't serious.

You said you've missed a couple of days of medication due to being in hospital. As a result, your mood is probably a bit low and you might be feeling sensitive to things that wouldn't usually bother you,

Yes you are wrote: »

You wouldn't get withdrawals from missing meds for a day or two. They are long acting medications. It takes a lot more than 48 hours to have withdrawals.

- and even missing a couple of days of meds CAN make a signifcant difference to your mood.



It does seem that you're not interested in hearing posters' opinions that differ from you own opinion i.e. that your family doesn't care and isn't doing enough to help you. From what you've said, I do think your father and sister are trying to help, they just are not living up to the standard that you expect.

stupidusername wrote: »

So I now know the full extent of my families disinterest in me and I know that it was too much to expect from them.

.

Don't be too hard on your family. Hope you start to feel better soon.

zero_nine

Yes you are wrote: »

It's awkward but it can be done.



Yeh, I have depression too. You wouldn't get withdrawals from missing meds for a day or two. They are long acting medications. It takes a lot more than 48 hours to have withdrawals.

This isn't true, fyi

KittyeeTrix

I've never broken anything other than my coccyx so have no idea how it is to manage on crutches. I've also never suffered from depression so wouldn't make a comment on that side of things but OP I do know one thing and that is If my sister or daughter broke an ankle in 2 places which required fixing through surgery i would bend over and backwards to help them out as much as i possibly could.!!!!!!!

This would be irrespective of how well they could manage on the crutches.......how someone could make you feel so crap only a day after your accident is just bad form in my books and also OP, nobody here needs to know how you broke your ankle.......It is irrelevant to me and it should also be irrelevant to your family. My mum broke her, actually funnily enough it was her ankle as well over 6 years ago walking home (well falling home) from the pub on St. Stephens night. She was cared for non-stop cos she's my mum and I love her and wouldn't be much of a daughter if I made her feel crappy after hurting herself:(

KittyeeTrix

been there done that wrote: »

I was on crutches for 4 months after having a major operation on my ankle a few years back, was staying at home as well but there by myself most of the time as my parents worked, and i managed just fine with it, sure getting around the house is a pain but you adapt and learn how to manage.

making a bowl of cereal isnt that hard like, just awkward and takes longer than it usually would, same as showering, getting up and down stairs, changing clothes, etc. never stopped me, you've got a broken ankle you're not in a full body cast. Are you expecting them to change your clothes and wash you as well?

The OP was only home not even 24hours when the b1tch behind her back was heard.. She may adapt to being on crutches but I've no doubt it will take a bit longer than the 1st evening home...:)

I'm also pretty sure she is feeling low enough at the moment if you'd read her posts to not need the smarty arsed comment at the end:(:mad:

stupidusername

Thanks for all the comments.

It's a week since I've come home. Things aren't too bad really. When my dad's girlfriend is here he's quite attentive. He's really not that bad actually. He's done the washing up, so I didn't have to. and there one night we got a take away, and it'd have taken me five trips to bring out everything for myself, but he just grabbed it all and put it out for me. He's really not too bad now. Only thing is he just will not check for milk and stuff that we need.

He's gone away till monday and had to ask my sister to go down to get milk, and she's only new at driving so would've been quite nervous with the snow etc. But she had to go out anyway, so got me some milk. She's been good enough too. I have to have a list of what I need at all times, so whenever she's going to town she can ask what I want. It's costing me quite a bit though as I find it easier to cook packaged things, rather than meals, and it's probably not so healthy, but I'll have to make do for a while really.

Looking back over last weekend, I was bound to be down, everything little thing I couldn't do sent me into tears, and sometimes still does. But it was silly to ask my sister to come over to make me cereal. I should've just done it myself.

Only thing is I hope they've stopped bitching about me now. I mean I do as much as I can for myself, and only ask for what I need. I was trying to put on two loads of washing the other night, it took ages to sort it all pushing the basket up to the kitchen with my crutch, and I was worn out by the end of it, but I don't mind. I can do this stuff in my own time. Though did have to ask dad to bring the stuff back down to the dryer.

Dad's good in ways, and it's nice to see him making the effort, when he does. Like the other day I had to go to the doctors, and he parked as close to the door as he could, and opened it for me. he'd be used to doing things like that, as he would've for mam.

So I'm not doing too bad now. I do have a pile of clothes to sort, but I'll get round to it when it suits me. and my hands are killing me from the crutches. I still want to move out, and am still looking for an apartment, but I'm doing better here for now.

KittyeeTrix

Glad to hear that tthe situation has turned out well in the end. It seems you and your dad are getting on better which is a good thing:)

astra2000

Its great to hear you sound so much more more positive and that you are getting help. Dont dwell on what you over heard we all moan about our nearest and dearest doesnt mean we are at it every time they are out of ear shot, sometimes ya just need a rant:). Im sure you and your sis have the odd moan together about your dad and dont mean any harm.
Best of luck

weatherguy

Can I just say to you. Move out of there. Move in with a friend.

stupidusername

I am still looking to move, and believe me, as soon as i can I will. i only have one friend near me, and moving to dublin is hard as I can't go view any place