Not banned yet...from PARENTING.

Fittle

I am quite annoyed that Thaedyl has once again chosen to close a thread that I commented on, due to my 'off-topic' behaviour (I assume). She has already banned me for a week from parenting once before, and having just pm'd her to ask why she closed the thread, she suggested I come here (I didn't even realise this existed!).

Anyway, rather than have you going over every post I've ever written, I am a single mum with one child and an ex who has never been involved. I have offered advice on many threads in the past without any mods warning me - but the minute I go onto the 'father's rights' threads, I get warned or banned or the thread gets locked.

In my last thread, I was actually agreeing with the original post (about fathers rights) and clearly stated that we are all fighting the same fight, both mothers with children who's fathers have abandoned them, and fathers who feel they need more rights to their children. I've stated in the past that those we are actually fighting against won't actually be on websites like this 'fighting' their cause because they don't feel the need.
If you look, that technically, it was the previous poster who brought the thread off-topic, and not me at all - but the minute I commented, she locked the thread.

Anyway, I feel like this is school-yard behaviour on Thaedyls part and would appreciate if someone could advise. I love boards, use it everyday and have no intention stopping using it, but this is getting ridiculous.
Thanks.

Scofflaw

Mods do regularly close threads, and the reasons may have nothing to do with your posts. Threads aren't destined to stay open simply because users have posted on them, after all.

I can ask Thaedydal for a comment, but I'm not sure what the specific issue is here. That she closes threads at all? That she closes a particular kind of thread? That no explanation is given? That you feel she's specifically closing threads you've posted on? Some of those I can do something about, some of those I can't.

cordially,
Scofflaw

Fittle

Thank you Scofflaw - I would appreciate if you would ask Thaedyl for a comment.

Here is the recent pm she sent me, just before she split a 'father's rights' thread, then closed the section I was commenting on, when I asked why the thread had just been closed;

'I had to split out a heap of posts this afternoon.
I am warning you both to stop jumping in on thread about father's trying to get rights/access to their children and to harp on about dead beat dads and how mothers are being attacked.

This is the only warning you will get, you are making the forum a very hostile place when it is meant to be a supportive place, to all parents. If I see it happening again then it will result in a ban.

I suggest you both learn to take a deep breath before posting and learn that not all posts are aim at you personally.

I am not getting into pm tennis over this, if you dont' like the conditions then you can take it to the dispute resolution forum.'

Thaed.'

My first comment is that she refers to 'you both'. She is referring to another poster here, who has nothing to do with me (also happens to be a single mother but has a different situation to me) - this woman and I don't know each other and I don't appreciate that Thaed referred to 'you both', when I emailed her, not the other poster. She appears to be replying to 'both' of us and I don't apreciate being 'grouped' with the other poster, when we have completely different situations.

Secondly, I have never used the term 'dead beat dads' - nor do I 'jump' on threads where fathers are looking for their rights. I have consistently said that I AGREE that fathers should have guardianship of their children. I have also said (at least on 3 of these threads) that we are ALL fighting for the rights of our children, the men for the right to see their dads and the women for the childrens right to at least know their dads - basically, that on boards, we are all fighting the same battle.

When threads like this begin, there ARE people who take it very personally and the threads go on for eternity, basically becoming an argument between about 3 posters. But I am NOT one of them.

My next comment is that I am NOT making Parenting a very hostile place! I am offering another opinion on the same topic, because of course, my sons father walked away - why would I not offer a debate based on my own circumstance??? Another poster created a post here called 'Left holding the baby' and her point was that when fathers talk about fathers rights on boards, they get support. But when mothers, who's children don't have their fathers in their lives, dare to mention the situation regarding their ex, they receive no support - they get told to 'ah forget about him - you'll be grand etc' - her point was that her 17yr old who is now drinking heavily, IS one of these children, and yet she'll get blamed for his behaviour, while the father who abandoned him, will get off scott free.
My thoughts are the same on boards.


And my last comment, is I don't appreciate her last comment ...'if you don't like the conditions....etc'. She is speaking to me like a 7yr old here and I don't appreciate it! I am a woman in my 40s with an 8yr old son - I am NOT an 8yr old.

Thaedyl is so FOR fathers rights that she can't see the wood for the trees - and does not appear to be able to see that there are other women out there who are also FOR fathers rights, but are coming at it from a different angle. I am one of those women.

This was her first pm to me - previously, I had been banned for a week from parenting immediately without warning for bringing a thread 'off topic'.

I want to continue to post on parenting but without the 'fear' that everytime I dare bring my own opinion to something, she will jump on the bandwagon.

Thanks for reading.

Fittle

I said 'thanks for reading' 3 days ago. There is obviously very little, if any, interest in resolving this dispute!

While I appreciate that it's the weekend...I posted this on thursday morning and nothing.

Scofflaw

Fittle wrote: »

I said 'thanks for reading' 3 days ago. There is obviously very little, if any, interest in resolving this dispute!

While I appreciate that it's the weekend...I posted this on thursday morning and nothing.

Unfortunately, while I'm a CMod, I'm also a Politics mod, and the Politics forum has been more than a little busy. Plus, I have family of my own!

However, I have read around, and my view tends to agree with the Mod's here. I appreciate you're speaking from your personal viewpoint, and that you don't feel you're doing anything other than offering that viewpoint, but that's not the net result.

Parenting is supposed to be a place that is supportive of all parents, and the mods have a duty to maintain that environment. It's not a place for fighting any 'battle', no matter how important any one poster sees that battle as being.

If you want to take this further, it will need to be in discussion with the Admins.

cordially,
Scofflaw

Fittle

Completely pointless excercise on my part so! 'Take this to dispute resolution' she said, and nothing has been resolved!

I have a family too you know! And I'm not fighting my 'battle' in the parenting section.

I won't bother taking this any further but my thoughts on most of the 'dispute resolution' section is that very little, if anything, is resolved to the posters liking. One mod agrees with another mod and so on and so on...Really not sure what the point of this section of boards is

Anyway. I won't be taking this any further.

Scofflaw

Sometimes the issue is resolved to the satisfaction of the poster, sometimes not. It depends on the issue.

I know you don't think you're doing anything but offering your viewpoint, but have a look back over the language you yourself use to describe your viewpoint:

Secondly, I have never used the term 'dead beat dads' - nor do I 'jump' on threads where fathers are looking for their rights. I have consistently said that I AGREE that fathers should have guardianship of their children. I have also said (at least on 3 of these threads) that we are ALL fighting for the rights of our children, the men for the right to see their dads and the women for the childrens right to at least know their dads - basically, that on boards, we are all fighting the same battle.

When threads like this begin, there ARE people who take it very personally and the threads go on for eternity, basically becoming an argument between about 3 posters. But I am NOT one of them.

My next comment is that I am NOT making Parenting a very hostile place! I am offering another opinion on the same topic, because of course, my sons father walked away - why would I not offer a debate based on my own circumstance??? Another poster created a post here called 'Left holding the baby' and her point was that when fathers talk about fathers rights on boards, they get support. But when mothers, who's children don't have their fathers in their lives, dare to mention the situation regarding their ex, they receive no support - they get told to 'ah forget about him - you'll be grand etc' - her point was that her 17yr old who is now drinking heavily, IS one of these children, and yet she'll get blamed for his behaviour, while the father who abandoned him, will get off scott free.
My thoughts are the same on boards.

That is the language of combativeness, and it does carry over into your posts on Parenting. However good your intentions, you're not in control of whether it appears combative to other people, and it does. You're not being asked to stop having opinions, you're being asked to put them forward less aggressively - in terms of how other people see it.

cordially,
Scofflaw

Fittle

'You're not being asked to stop having opinions, you're being asked to put them forward less aggressively - in terms of how other people see it.'

And therein lies the problem.

I wasn't 'asked' anything. I was 'warned' because I am daring to have an opinion:rolleyes:- there IS a difference.

Anyway, mark this resolved - completely pointless exercise, but resolved as much as it can be I imagine.