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Feeling Troubled

  • 16-11-2010 7:42pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,



    just looking for some advice.



    Been going out with a girl for over a year now. All going great and I really like her but i dont love her. The problem is that she has fallen for me big time. It started as some fun and things just kept on going. I kept telling myself that I might fall for her after time but so far it hasnt happened.



    The background to this is I was going out with a girl for 10 years and she died in 2005. she was the love of my life and it has taken a long time to get over this. however i dont think i can ever love another girl and especially not the way i loved her.



    I used to think about my current girlfriend all the time when i wasnt with her but now its my dead girlfriend that i keep thinking about. when i lie in bed at night on my own i cant stop thinking about her and recently i have been crying as i lie there. it just comes on me and i cant stop it.



    as i said i really like and care for my current girlfriend but my feelings seem to be getting the better of me and its affecting this relationship. things in the bedroom have taken a downturn in recent times, my fault and she has picked up on other things recently like that i never compliment her. its not that i dont want to but when i try to say it the words just wont come out.



    sorry for the long post but what i really need to decide is what to do. I like this girl and dont want to hurt her which i think breaking up with her now would do. as i said she has really fallen for me and has even told me as much. i dont want to string her along either. at the end this may never go any further than what it is for me now while she may want to take things further. can i really stay with her if i know i will never truely love her but could make her happy. as i said i dont think i will ever love any other girl.



    thanks for reading and letting me write all this down. any advice is really appreciated, especially if someone has been in a similar situation


Comments

  • #2
    shebango
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭shebango


    Hi OP. Sorry to hear about your ex-girlfriend. That is truly awful and must be such a hard thing to have to deal with.

    With regards to advice.. Well, have you ever considered going to counselling to help you deal with what happened? Personally, I dont think I could do this without help. It might be worth looking into.

    With regards to the relationship - I know you think it will hurt your girlfriend if you break up with her. But trust me, it would hurt her more if she knew that your heart wasn't in it. Initially, it will hurt her if you break up with her but at least that way, she's free to meet someone that will love her.

    I think the relationship is stress that you don't need. You know it's not right for you to stay in it, so this will wreck your head. And looming in the background is what happened to your ex.

    My advice is to get out of the relationship you're in and get help to deal with your loss. Otherwise, you're really just tormenting yourself.

    I wish you the very best of luck.


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