Social anxiety and feeling low

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Regular poster going unreg on this one...

I'm 21 and male.

Well I suffer from social anxiety disorder (granted I self diagnosed myself but I tick all the boxes) - but for me personally its the strangest thing... It seems to come on me in phases. Like for a week I could feel very content and happy with myself, relatively comfortable in most social situations and extroverted... Then all of a sudden I'll wake up one morning and not be able to look people in the eye, stammer my speech and my mind will go blank in conversations leading to awkwardness because for some reason my self confidence has plummeted.

I would describe myself as someone who is not generally comfortable in my own skin.. I dont think I'm particularly good looking although I've been with quite a few girls over the past few years but none who I've had any kind of relationships with, due I guess to the nature of my self confidence issues and anxiety and how I come across sometimes because of it.

I have suffered from depression before when I lived alone, however since then I've learned to recognize the signs of it coming on me and am luckily able to mentally swing my way clear of it sometimes by getting into a different mindset... It is linked to my anxiety disorder no doubt, as I can feel low for weeks after making a fool of myself in a social situation due to being anxious and saying something silly, or coming across as rude by trying to say something funny and sounding like a smart ass...

Just this weekend I ended up with a nice girl and she ended up staying at my flat with me. We didnt have sex or anything, but we messed around etc. I feel crap though because I was drunk when I met her, and had lost my inhibitions enough to chat her up. I couldnt do it otherwise. In the morning when I was sober my anxiety kicked in and I couldnt hold a proper conversation with her, and she left pretty awkwardly..

I guess the reason I started this thread was just to see if anyone has any confidence tips or how to improve my self esteem. Believe me, if there are any amateur or even professional psychologists who browse this board and come across this, I think the way my anxiety and low confidence phases come and go is as weird as you do...! But it's real and I hate it. When i'm good im great but when I'm low, I'm very low. A year ago at one of my lowest points I even contemplated suicide as I was going through a particularly rough patch.

If anyone has anything to comment I'd love to hear from you... I'm sorry this is poorly worded and laid out but it just feels like an outpour for me.

Thanks a million

Oryx

Well done on handling the depression. Thats a huge thing to be able to recognise it and sidestep it. Clearly you do understand your own mind, but I dont think full on self diagnosing is at all helpful. Labels are pretty unhelpful at the best of times and particularly so when youve just done it to yourself without any outside input.

The best way to actually understand your own mind is to talk to someone else, ie a counsellor, about it. It can be the best way of untangling your preconcieved notions of what makes you tick.

But in terms of your social anxiety, the best attitude to have is to think that the past is gone, so whatever youve done you cant change. The future is something you cant control either cos its not here, so stop bloody worrying. And remember, people dont think badly about you half as much as you think they do. They are too busy worrying about looking daft themselves.

messymess1

i know you're probably not looking for empathy or anything, but i just wanted to say that i experience similar extreme highs and lows in self confidence too sometimes, often for no particular reason, i feel quite good about myself and am able to come across confident and happy, and other times i feel that i'm worthless, pathetic, without any sense of humour/ desirable qualities in existence, and that any form of communication with other people on my part is a waste of their time and that i'd be better off disappearing. i thought i was bi polar for a while, until i realised that the highs and lows were all to do with my self confidence, and not just life in general. when i'm with a group of people that i feel comfortable with and that i feel like me, i'm usually able to contribute to the conversation. but when i'm with people and i get even the slightest hint that i might be annoying any one of them, i just go into myself and can barely say a word for fear that i'll sound like a spastic. i hate it.
sorry. that was no help. that's another thing. i can never stop apologising for myself. people don't get that sometimes i actually am saying sorry for my being there with them.:/

Cute Tour

I have a very similar problem and it is crippling when it is at its worst...panic attacks; and I have no idea when or where they will arrive. Its the unpredicability of the attacks that are my biggest worry, when I am in good form I am very friendly and chatty but sometimes I get really edgy when I walk into a crowd (even small gatherings) etc. and I am looking for the nearest exit sign. Its like I have got a split personality and it has held me up an awful lot in life, honestly there are people who know me and would think I am a very friendly person but there are other people who would think I am a complete odd-ball; not able to look at them in the face during a conversation, stammering voice, shaky hands the list is endless.


I am 30 well over six foot, athletic and I am considered half-decent!! (believe me i dont mean this in a boastful way) however its no help to me because I suffer a lot from social anxiety and I rarely have any confidence to chat to any women when I am out. All I ever hear is why do you not have a girlfriend...but like the OP I am good with women when I have a few drinks on board but when they wear off it turns into a disaster, I get all edgy and uncomfortable.

I have done a fair bit of research online lately and it seems that my problems are not uncommon..but no one is that forthcoming with sharing there problems because they are scared it will be percieved as a sign of weakness.

I am going to look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy because it is the treatment that would be most suitable for me...everyone is different but it might be worth a look.