Pics of his ex in his wallet

LegacyUser

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?threadid=2056063390

hi All, OP Here i posted about a month back that i found pics of his ex. Gf in my boyfriends wallet. I'm now 7 months pregnant.

Just to update - i eventually confronted him about the pics in the wallet and while he didn't like that i looked in there, he believed that i wasn't out to snoop and he admitted that he'd completely forgotten they were in there and said he'd take them out straight away to put my mind at ease.
This was 3 weeks ago and the pics are still in his wallet.. then last night he asked me to search on his hard-drive for dvds for us to watch so i did, and found at least 5 movie clips of her from their holidays and tons of photos... i didn't torture myself by watching them but at 7 months pregnant, the thought that my OH is still in love with his ex is upsetting me greatly.
yes, i know they're old pics but this is a new hard-drive, he's obviously copied them all over from his old one... that plus he's been looking her up on facebook (few days ago) as it came up in the address bar of my laptop.
i'm driving myself mad here thinking about it... any ideas on how i stop obsessing over his ex or should i confront him about all of this??

Please any advice would be appreciated... don't want to ruin what we have but my head is fried!

Neyite

with regard to the pictures and the hard-drive videos, logically if he purposely put these there with the intention of looking then why would he ask you to browse his hard-drive?
the likely explanation is that he copied a load of stuff over onto the new drive all at once and has probably forgotten they were there.

about facebook - well, that could be just curiosity. i would be nosy enough to browse facebook for some ex-boyfriends, but im certainly not in love with them, in fact some i would even cross the street to avoid, as i can barely stand them now, but i would still nosy facebook if their profile wasnt private.

you need to talk to him. its not really fair to tell him he cant have his momentos of his ex, but he does need to be clear (and for you to believe him) that you are number one in his life. but you also need to trust him. he is with you, not her. you are having his child, not her. you are sharing a home and a future with him, not her.

Taltos

OP - are you for real?
Looking for advice on how you need to stop obsessing?

You are 7 mths pregnant with his child and he continues to show no respect for you or for your relationship.
I think you need to lay it out for him - enough is freakin enough.

Either he is in a relationship with you with all momentos gone - or he can just move his ass back to his ex if that is where he prefers to be. How long are you going to be treated with reminders like this?

The mind boggles...

Jumpy

Taltos wrote: »

OP - are you for real?
Looking for advice on how you need to stop obsessing?

You are 7 mths pregnant with his child and he continues to show no respect for you or for your relationship.
I think you need to lay it out for him - enough is freakin enough.

Either he is in a relationship with you with all momentos gone - or he can just move his ass back to his ex if that is where he prefers to be. How long are you going to be treated with reminders like this?

The mind boggles...

Wait what?

They are memories whether its over or not. No fecking way should he be forced to throw them out.
If she is upset about it then she needs to look at herself not at him.

Photos =/= still in love.

I still have photos of exs past. I dont take them out and look at them, but I am not throwing out my memories either.

LegacyUser

Have to say I personally think the thing of keeping old remnants from ex's isn't good. Any ex I've had I made a point to remove everything and anything that might have accumulated from the times we were together. We are ex's now, why I would want any belonging or photo of them is beyond. I'm more interested in where I am NOW with my current girlfriend and not where I was.

I don't think it's necessary or appropriate to hold onto those things when you're with someone else. I for one wouldn't be comfortable with someone I am dating (and I mean seriously dating, not a short-term fling that you both know isn't really going anywhere) having a folder full of photos or a box under the bed of the things they were bought. My current girlfriend is the same - she bins anything from past boyfriends because she doesn't see why any of that stuff is needed.

I know a lot of people are very much against the idea of having to get rid of ex's photos/mementoes, but in my experience, those who held onto things weren't fully committed to current relationships (whether they were aware of it or not) and hadn't fully let go of the past. Many will probably completely disagree, but my experiences have made me wary of girls who keep the ex photos and boxes of mementoes.

To me anything from the past needs to be let go of - physically and was as mentally - to fully commit to a present relationship.

LegacyUser

well i know for a fact that my insecurities stem from the very start of our relationship... i actually broke up with him for a couple of months at the start because he wouldn't stop talking about her..... he used to spend half of our time together telling me lovely stories about her or funny times they had together so i ended it.... i felt that there were 3 in the relationship not 2! also it was finished between them about 2 years before i came along...
this is why it bothers me so much now.
but how do i approach him on it?? i'm very afraid of the answers i'm going to get back...

fungun

Neyite wrote: »

you need to talk to him. its not really fair to tell him he cant have his momentos of his ex, but he does need to be clear (and for you to believe him) that you are number one in his life. but you also need to trust him. he is with you, not her. you are having his child, not her. you are sharing a home and a future with him, not her.

+1

Ive holiday pics from the past with some exes, why would i throw them out just cos an ex is in them?

If there is something in it in that you have suspicions about the person and his feelings, fair enough....but if not, then the requirement for a partner to obliterate anything related to a previous reln sounds like insecurity to me.

LegacyUser

fungun wrote: »

+1

Ive holiday pics from the past with some exes, why would i throw them out just cos an ex is in them?

If there is something in it in that you have suspicions about the person and his feelings, fair enough....but if not, then the requirement for a partner to obliterate anything related to a previous reln sounds like insecurity to me.

hi, OP here... i get that. he is allowed to have photos of his past, of course he is... but why carry them round in his wallet? is he giong to put the pics of our baby in beside her? this is what gets to me..
also the hormones are probably making me more insecure as i'm never usually like this.

fungun

he agreed to get rid of the ones in his wallet? Maybe remind him of that?

tbh i have gigs of photos ive collected and whereas i chucked some old real photos cos of lack of some space, ive kept pretty much every digital photo ive ever taken. I wouldnt worry about that if I were you.

And unless you have other reasons, remind yourself that he chose you

Neyite

hormones can play a big part in your emotions during pregnancy.

OP where is this ex, is she around, or is there a chance he could bump into her? do you think that she is even still interested? she might be totally loved up elsewhere and your boyfriend is the ex that she can barely remember.

you say that you are afraid of the answer you are going to get but worrying about the worst answer is not doing you any favours. you need to get the answers from him as soon as you can.

better now before the baby arrives, rather than have this all surface again in a couple of months when you are so knackered you cant think straight.