Advice needed....

LegacyUser

Hi All, My partner of 7 years is 32 weeks gone with our first child, everything is going brilliant bar the usual backpain and worrying about movements etc.

However unfortunately I now have a bit of a dilemma hence the reason im going unregistered. A friend of mine from my football team was also an expecting (expectant?) father and his partner was due within 2-3 weeks of my OH, and sadly she miscarried last week. My OH has only met my mate's OH a half dozen times, but because they were both pregant and due around the same time, my partner is always asking about them\her and saying she must get her number and go baby shopping and all that jazz when they both start maternity leave.

As of yet, I havent told my partner that they lost the baby for fear she will get really upset and worried. She is already constantly stressed out that the baby isnt moving enough or that somethnig will happen in her last trimester as this is our first. We have been into the maternity hospital twice in the last 2months over the non movement issue and each time I try and reassure her etc as do the nurses. But (understandably) when she cant feel the baby move for a while or she tends to panic. I have since gotten a baby heart monitor and that has definately chilled her out however I think this recent news may send her over the edge and I think its the very last thing she and baby needs.

So my question is, do I just go ahead and tell her? Or do I not tell her and run the risk of her being mad at me if she finds out. BTW There is a small chance she will find out as the two girls only met at football club functions and the likes and they dont live near us and these functions can easily be avoided in the interim.


Thanks for any advice in advance.

angelfire9

Personally I'd rather not know while I'm still pregnant
Tell her afterwards certainly but if she is already stressing then I don't see what would be achieved by adding to it
I would add this caveat though: Make sure she doesn't find out from other sources!

Good luck!

CathyMoran

I am sorry that your friend's partner had a stillbirth (after 24 weeks it is no longer called a miscarriage). If it were me I would want to know even if it upset me. Women loose babies all the time and you can not avoid hearing about it (have had multiple miscarriages myself so am only going from how I would take it). Yes, she will be upset but you can not hide everything from pregnant women. I should state that I am pregnant at the moment and there are a lot of incredibly stressful things happening in my life at the moment that I can not avoid.

She will also currently be slightly irritated that the baby shopping has not been mentioned again as she understandably would probably like someone to have a fun day with - I would tell her.

Lola92

+1 on all that Cathy has said above.

Although a slim chance I would be very upset to find out you had kept it from me, even if it was through good intentions.

Moonbeam

I remember when I was pregnant last/first time someone I knew was due 2 weeks before me and had her baby about 13 weeks prematurely.
I have to say this caused me panic but the baby is now a healthy 2 year old.
I am 31 weeks pregnant now and dunno how I would take the news if I was your wife,if she is going to find out from another source you need to tell her if not I wouldn't.

melsbells

I agree with the others, i'd want to know. she'll be wondering why the girl isnt looking to meet up. As nervous as she is im sure she's heard recently in the papers/tv about lilly allen who lost her baby?? she will panic when she hears it but i think we panic all the time anyway, i'd want to know, she could surprise you and be glad you told her

I would prefer not to know. I would fully understand that my husband was trying to protect me. Based solely on the information you have given, regarding her concerns and worries during her own pregnancy, I would hold off telling her if possible, however, it depends entirely on the type of person your partner is. Would she be very upset with you not telling her, or would she understand your reasons? I think if you know the answer to this then you know what you should do.

To add though: If there is any chance of her meeting this other lady in the interim, then you should tell her, that would be her worst nightmare.

How Strange

I'd want to know regardless of how upset might be. I heard some terrible news at the weekend about a baby which upset me but I don't consider myself so emotionally fragile that people need to shield me from bad news.

You have good intentions op but they may backfire on you by not telling her now.

Hannibal Smith

Deleted User wrote: »

I would prefer not to know. I would fully understand that my husband was trying to protect me. Based solely on the information you have given, regarding her concerns and worries during her own pregnancy, I would hold off telling her if possible, however, it depends entirely on the type of person your partner is. Would she be very upset with you not telling her, or would she understand your reasons? I think if you know the answer to this then you know what you should do.

To add though: If there is any chance of her meeting this other lady in the interim, then you should tell her, that would be her worst nightmare.

Totally agree with this

squishykins

I may have never been pregnant before but I'd say tell her. I have depression and I'm preparing for the worst mood swings ever whenever I do get pregnant, and trying to imagine myself in that situation I know I'd probably cry, shout at you, cry, storm off, cry and basically freak out for a while, maybe quite a long while, but I'd still want to know. After all you are equals, she trusts you, and I'd be a lot more upset if it was kept from me tbh. From what you said she will find out eventually, and are you willing to pretend you didn't know?