wanting a baby

sun_moon_stars

hi everyone im trying to understand my feelings because i dont feel like i have any control over them...
im 27 and married to a really fantastic guy we both have permanent jobs and are living in an extension off my parents house to save money after years of renting

im very happy but there is something missing for me.. a baby ive always known i wanted to be a mother and this year has been extremely difficult and made me really question what i wanted from my life but that is the problem i am definitely not a woman that would make a decision to have a baby for the sake of it ive been with my husband 10 years and married 3 so i really make sure im a 100% about everything

But this i feel is getting out of control and i feel i may be slipping in to a slight depression over it i cant stop thinking about having my own family its gone to the point where i keep looking at baby websites looking at clothes prams and everything baby related im thinking about it all the time to the point im crying over it because i feel like im ready now but the crying and numb feeling is lasting longer and longer i have a lump in my throat and when i see pregnant women or newborns ive spoken to my husband about it but i dont think he understands how bad its got i feel like im losing myself and i dont know what to do i think im driving myself mad

i have the coil in because i had problems last year with endometriosis so i wouldnt fall pregnant on purpose or by accident and i wouldnt go behind my husbands back either and get it taken out without him knowing i judt dont know how to get over this feeling did or does anyone else feel like that?

LegacyUser

Sorry OP i don't really understand the problem?
You want a baby? You're in a committed relationship for 10 years and both you and your husband are in secure jobs?

Whats the problem?
Does your husband not want children?

Jenneke87

Sounds like it´s time to talk to your husband whether he´s ready for a family too. If yes, have the coil remove and have fun trying....

tinkerbell

I don't understand what the problem is? Why can't you just start trying for a baby, what are you not telling us?

sun_moon_stars

Thanks for the replies... my problem is how much this is affecting me i can't stop thinking about having my own baby ive been broody before but this feels completely different
whats worrying me is that its bringing me to tears and making me feel really down and thats never happened before and i dont know who to talk to about it i guess im just wondering has any other women felt like this too it just doesnt feel right

Nevyn

If your hormoanes are that out of wack and you've mentioned issues with endo, I would suggest going to talk to your dr and getting your hormoane levels tested. IF you don't feel 'right' then go to the dr and see what the story is.

Elbi

Op

Read your post and I dont really understand... Why dont you just try to have a baby ?

sun_moon_stars

tbh we dont have enough space at the moment for a baby which is why we haven't tried yet my husband does want a family thats not the problem but the way it looks it will take a long time to save for a deposit for a house and it wouldn't be fair to have a baby and not have the space it would need if we are still in the extension in 3 years time.

What im hoping to find out is if any other women have been a lot more broody then usual and if its lasting longer then before and how did you get over it what effect did it have on you/your partner

I guess i may have gone in to a lot of detail and background hoping there was someone feeling like me!:o

Nevyn

I have never been that broody, it could be a symptom of something else, please go talk to your dr and get your hormone levels checked.

LegacyUser

OP while i have experienced broodiness and even got a little down and upset over it, its usually fleeting and i get over it in a few days, personally i'm single so in my case its more me getting down in a 'what if it never happens' kind of way. In your case its only a matter of waiting a few years and you're only 27 and seems like a certainty that you will have kids, so i think your reaction is very very extreme to be honest, i too would suggest a trip to your GP to make sure its not a hormone/depression issue.

StillWaters

I didn't get as broody as you, but I have friends who did. Its not necessarily abnormal, but it may be, worth getting hormones checked as suggested.

Babies don't take up much space really. I had my daughter when I was living in a tiny one bedroom flat with no garden. A lot of the stuff that you think you need space for - you don't. eg. I never had a baby bath, the sink sufficed. I look back with such fondness at that time, and never for one second think a larger home would have improved the quality of the experience.

Curry Addict

but wanting a baby is one of the most natural things in the world. We are animals after all and prone to animal instinct. we as humans, are good at controlling our instinct but the feeling is still there. Its not something we should worry about essentially.

i do believe in following your feelings/instinct and babys are small and dont really need much space things may not be ideal in a practical sense, nature is rarely practical anyway.

tinkerbell

sun_moon_stars wrote: »

tbh we dont have enough space at the moment for a baby which is why we haven't tried yet my husband does want a family thats not the problem but the way it looks it will take a long time to save for a deposit for a house and it wouldn't be fair to have a baby and not have the space it would need if we are still in the extension in 3 years time.

What im hoping to find out is if any other women have been a lot more broody then usual and if its lasting longer then before and how did you get over it what effect did it have on you/your partner

I guess i may have gone in to a lot of detail and background hoping there was someone feeling like me!:o

You don't need a mansion with a huge garden to have a baby. You might want a garden when your child is 4 or 5 but a baby doesn't need a garden!

LegacyUser

OP i know exactly how you feel
I was the very very same - same age too when it all started only diff is I was and am not married

I too had endo which is where I think it all started - the knowledge in the back of my mind that it may leave me infertile

Anyway I too was with my partner for ten years and I had this yearning to become a mother, doted over babies, envied preg ladies and was on the internet checkout out prams, cots you name it.

This is scarily familiar - well anyway I also had to coil because of the endo - my partner kept moving the baby goal post and I got sick of the waiting - so I removed the coil, I told him that on one of my checkups the strings had vanished inside so it had to be removed - then it took me an entire year of trying (without his knowledge and yes I know its so devious but I had an overwhelming need to become a mother and I know others will find this selfish but I did what was right for me and I knew my OH was just putting it on the long finger)

Anyway it took 14 months and everytime I got my period I was so disappointed but finally last week I got a positive result and my OH is trilled

I on the other hand find it hard to swallow and still cant get my head around it (I guess deep down I never thought it would happen because of the endo) - its a big shock and my OH is taking it so much better then I am and I am confused and anxious but happy...I guess I am disappointed as I am not as happy or excited as I thought I would be and I have no connection with my baby - perhaps its normal

Anyway I thought I would share with you and I will prob get a lot of grief for my deceit but its done now and I will be a mommy..I guess in time it will hit me

common sense brigade

The problem with society today is people are used to you having too much. In my parents day money was tight and people did not have much. but they made do.and babies were brought up loved and happy in many homes that didnt have much. You are in an extension yes. but if your relationship is good, and your good decent people with Jobs. you will be excellant parents. the economic situation here is worsening , there may never be the right time financially for you to have a baby. if its what you both want go ahead and have your family. things have a way of working out and family and friends always help. the baby will bring much joy and happieness and luck. babies are life renewing itself. the reason ur emotional is nature. its prob your time to have a baby. im sure you will be a great mom. men always panic and are more frightened when it comes to having a baby. but they also get overcome with love when the baby is here.

28064212

SameBoatasYou wrote: »

This is scarily familiar - well anyway I also had to coil because of the endo - my partner kept moving the baby goal post and I got sick of the waiting - so I removed the coil, I told him that on one of my checkups the strings had vanished inside so it had to be removed - then it took me an entire year of trying (without his knowledge and yes I know its so devious but I had an overwhelming need to become a mother and I know others will find this selfish but I did what was right for me and I knew my OH was just putting it on the long finger)

If your partner had decided that he really wanted a car that cost €200,000, would you be ok with him going behind your back and spending your joint life-savings on it? On the basis that you couldn't change what happened after the fact anyway and would have to live with it?

Frankly, your actions are disgusting, and if I ever found out a partner of mine had acted similarly, I would never trust them again, and would probably leave them

common sense brigade

sameboatasyou. yes what you did was wrong. but the baby will be a joy to you and your Partner. i think the guilt is what is making you feel detatched. If my husband decieved me in such a way i would not leave him and the baby and walk out. that is not the answer. you need to ask yourself why you couldnt be straight with your partner. spend the rest of your life making this up to him and do not decieve him again. you need to forgive yourself as whats done is done now.Be a good mother and partner.

dub_3

Like others said, get checked out by the Doc as a first step.

But also tell your husband how you feel. If he's supportive (and he should be) then that's much better than suffering in silence.

Maybe together you will decide to speed up your plan to get a house, or adapt your current place to make room for baby. (get rid of stuff, or store stuff in main house and/or partition off bit of a room for baby)

With property prices and therefore rents still falling, maybe renting again wouldn't be so bad.

What do you want :-

1: Baby sooner, house later?

2: House sooner, baby later?

My advice on the best option is the one that will keep you saner

An economist might suggest postponing house purchase too!

Also don't forget the free babysitting service that comes with your current living arrangement.