Grandmother / Grandson relationship......inappropriate ?

LegacyUser

i've been dating a woman for about a year now. She has two children with her ex hub. we live in different counties so see each other maybe couple of times a week but on on every second weekend i go to her as her hub has the kids.
During the week she works full time and her mother minds the kids, living with her from mon- fri. Her mother has a house about half hour away but tbh spends most of her time in my gf's. My girlfriends house is three bedroomed. one room hers obviously, and one each for the two boys. The thing is i' ve come to realise over time is that the granny shares a single bed with the oldest kid. He's thirteen FFS ! This has really started to weird me out. Tbh i had never really thought of where she slept, as i'm usually only there when she isn't but now that i know it, it's really bothering me and making me paranoid.

i mean in all fairness she could sleep on the couch or arrange a pull out thingy or something but given the fact that this is obviously a long term thing i'm at a loss tofind it normal. I realise that every family has things they do that outher ppl would find odd. (certainly there are things within my family that we would prob find ok that other ppl would be wtf!)

But added to this i feel the gran has a very strange attachment to the oldest son. For instance, when the father has his weekend, it will always turn out that the oldest son will choose to go home to the grans house with her instead. likewise even this weekend, after a week of being in my gfs house the gran went home to her own and took the eldest with her. From reading between the lines and from what i've seen, when he does go to the grans empty 3 bed house he still sleeps with her.

Not that it makes a difference but the young fella is a big lad and though the gran is a slight woman she is still a grown woman so just the thought of the practicalities of them sharing a single bed absolutely freaks me out !

I recently brought this up to my gf but all she'll say is 'tell me about it , i'm goin to sort it ! but she never does. The father obviously knows this too but to be honest he's a useless pr**k who only takes them when he has to and not at all if he can get away with it.

Am i over reacting ? Surely this isn't right. It's not my place to say anything i know but seriously i think this seriously crosses the line. I'm not suggesting that there is anything going on, but then i'm thinking why would the gran choose to have him with her rather than not ? The other son, she just seems to tolerate but the eldest one, she adores.

Is this weird or are you all goin to tell me, 'no , sure i did that !

Ickle Magoo

I'm not sure how the logistics work - I've spent a cramp and uncomfortable night sharing a single bed with a toddler. A 13 yr old? I can't imagine how they fit in the same bed.

Anyway - I would think it's pretty inappropriate for any adult to share a single bed with an older child - and regardless of the inappropriateness, it must be highly uncomfortable and not at all conducive to a proper nights sleep.

PK2008

:eek:

Sorry, I meant to say :eek::eek::eek:

This is all kinds of wrong

Neyite

i would see it as really inappropriate too, especially since you say its a 3 bedroomed house. there is no reason for an old woman to share a bed with a young teenager, and it does need to stop.

I do think that you need to remind your partner with a fair bit of detail what goes on in a 13year old boys body. she may still see him as a little boy, not a teenager having puberty changes to his body such as erections etc. he really deserves his privacy, and if you maybe approach it from this angle, it might go down better than an unintended infererance that Gran is inappropriate or worse.

MJ23

This is very very wrong. I'd ask the young lad how he feels about this, or call to the grans house and ask her whats going on. Never heard of anything like this. He's 13 ffs, he's probably nearly 6 foot, with a bit of bumfluff going on around the lip. What does the father say? or is he a useless idiot?

JuliusCaesar

I think the more normal thing to do is make the two boys share while gran gets one of the beds. Would you not talk with your girlfriend about it? It's her house, she's in charge of the sleeping arrangements. She can talk to her mother. You don't want to get into an argument with the granny yourself.

OS119

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

I think the more normal thing to do is make the two boys share while gran gets one of the beds. Would you not talk with your girlfriend about it? It's her house, she's in charge of the sleeping arrangements. She can talk to her mother. You don't want to get into an argument with the granny yourself.

this would be my view - and yes, i think its all kinds of wrong, for all the reasons you could think of.

it absolutely has to be an issue thats sorted out between the mother and granny - but it, imv, is a real child protection issue and i'd be wanting it sorted out NOW.

it would be a big fat red line issue for me, personally i couldn't validate such behaviour by continuing in a relationship with someone who allowed this to continue - i'd have to ask myself what other behaviours or issues would this person let slide for the sake of a quiet life and some baby-sitting.

if this was grandad sleeping in the same bed as a 13 year old girl - and doing it when there were other options and no one else around - how many of us wouldn't be phoning police or social services?

so whats the difference?

astra2000

As the mother of a 13 year old boy I think this is really weird. Op how come the boy is ok with this? I would be really worried of the reaction he would get from his peers should this come to their attention. This is not ok and at best your gf is guilty of lazy parenting, this should have stopped years ago.

implausible

In fairness, while it is strange, I don't think it's something that people should read too much into it or get hysterical about. To me, it sounds like an arrangement or a habit that no-one has bothered changing yet.

I would have shared a bed with my grandaunt until I was 12/13 and my brother would've bunked in with my granny when visiting her up until a similar age, but he reached a stage where he didn't want to any more. I'm surprised the young fella hasn't reached this stage yet, but children develop at different rates.

OP, I'd have a word with your partner and mention this, that it would be a good idea for him to bunk somewhere else before puberty really kicks in. I would also mention about growing boys having their own bed and the mortification he would be in for if he ever mentioned this to anyone his own age:eek: Whatever you do, don't let your partner make it into a big deal with either the boy or the granny as this could wreck what should be a natural normal relationship.

Jenneke87

I once rented a room in a house, sharing with a single mother and her daughter. She and her 12 year old daughter slept in the same bed.

bizar, but perhaps not as uncommon as we think?

Beruthiel

Neyite wrote: »

I do think that you need to remind your partner with a fair bit of detail what goes on in a 13year old boys body. she may still see him as a little boy, not a teenager having puberty changes to his body such as erections etc. he really deserves his privacy, and if you maybe approach it from this angle, it might go down better than an unintended infererance that Gran is inappropriate or worse.

That would be the approach I'd also suggest.
This is not healthy and I'm really surprised the lad hasn't said something himself.