At a loss

LegacyUser

Hello guys

Please try to bear with me with this.

Knew a girl the past 10 years. She was a great friend before we ever got together. I broke up with a long time girlfriend and she helped me through it eventually getting together.

We were together for 4.5 years until last September. She had been stressed at work (hated her job) and her mother had become unwell. A friend of hers suggested she go for a few days break with her to Lisbon.

I never text her whilst she was away I only replied to her texts that she sent me - simply because I wanted her to have a nice relaxing time without the constant texts etc. When she was away we had a disagreement and I made the biggest mistake of my life by changing my Facebook status to single.

When she came home we didn't really communicate. The odd text etc but nothing major. I did everything I could to try get back with her - called out to her etc. To make matters worse he mother had a relapse and a relation of hers passed away.

Herself and her mother had a falling out and I helped her mother with everything (she couldn't leave hospital to pay bills etc) so I organised everything for her. My ex was not aware of this cause I didn't want to cause fuss - just help her mum.

When her relation died I was asked by the mother to go to help with driving etc and for support as she couldn't drive etc. I nearly got fired from work for this - I had to fly to France for the funeral etc. but I wanted to help. A month after the break up I went on holidays with my friends to Ibiza. Whilst over there a photo of mine was tagged by a friend. When the ex saw this photo (please note I wasn't with anyone over there) I got an email from the ex saying how she was thinking about giving it another go but the I didn't seem interested - which was totally wrong. She said we'd talk when we got back. When we got back I text her and asked what the story was. She went from thinking about giving us another go in her email to shes not ready yet.?

Since then I've heard nothing. I sent her an email basically putting my heart on the line saying I wanted to give it another go. She replied saying she'd like some time to think about it and will get back to me by last Friday - still no reply received.

I'm totally at a loss about what to do. Her mother said it to her the other day and she said she 'doesn't want to be with anyone right now'. So why the emails?

2 other issues:

Since the breakup I had to get Counselling for the breakup and for anxiety. I missed several weeks from work (all certified) however work still weren't happy and I honestly was not able to be composed even with my parents.

She always knew my email and FB passwords and has *everyday* logged into both accounts - almost 5 times a day.

I have nothing to hide and if it gives her peace of mind that I'm not fooling around with anyone or whatever her reason is then so be it. My friends think I'm crazy though.

Can anyone share some advise?

fungun

Forget your history and set some boundaries. Her looking at your email/FB is ridiculous. Change your password.

If you have sent her an email outlining you wanted to be together, then thats clear. Id email her and say you have made what you want clear to her so she can get in touch with you if she wants it; otherwise you will move on. Then change your passwords so she knows you mean it. If she doesnt get back to you then move on

Chicago Chick

Phone her and ask her to meet you to talk this out. You sound very upset by it all and need to find out where you stand with this girl however in my opinion emails, texts etc are all too handy these days and with something like this you really need to look her straight in the eyes and try and work this out. I also agree that you should change your passwords on your email and facebook. She is not sure she wants to be with you but wants to check on your every move online up to 5 times a day, that is far too invasive for my liking. Really for your own good you need to meet her and find out what is going on. I really do hope it works out well for you.

LegacyUser

She has your FB/email passwords!

Why?

Why would you give them to anyone and why would anyone want them from you?

Peace of mind? Trust leads to peace of mind. If my friend did that, I'd have some stern words with him ( a. Man Up b. You'll only be a doormat when you allow yourself be treated like one and c. it doesn't sounds right)

That just isn't what most people would consider normal. You have a right to some privacy.

(as an aside - what if something went very wrong between you and she decided to email people from your accounts? Anyway..... )

Sounds like you are trying to please a lot of people but not thinking about yourself.

Also, why are you so close to the mother? Is it because you think that's what you should do? I'd keep my distance there (and I'd also watch what I say to her as if they've had a falling out, information, no matter how innocent will be exchanged and either / both parties can get the wrong end of the stick).

I'd certainly avoid the mother for a while.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

She always knew my passwords - we used the same laptop for years etc although she never checked my emails etc - only since we broke up.

Regards her mother - we always got on very well. I have lots of time for her and when she had nobody to help out when she was ill she asked me to help with one or two things which I would of helped out with anyway

Little Miss Lady

First of all change your email and fb password..
your ex checking up on you like that is bang out of order imo..

Then you try to get your head around tha fact that it's over and try to look after yourself and your health and move on..
It's all very well some stranger on a forum telling you all this but you and your health are top priority as no one is going to be able to look out for your health only yourself!!

That's all very well if she's not ready, but you shouldn't have to wait around stressing out and getting anxious on her decision or what she's going to say to you next..
She's leaving you hanging and having no consideration for you really..

If you have interests like football or something similar, throw yourself into them, try get back healthy and fit for work again, surround yourself with close friends and keep yourself occupied and try and take a step back and see what you want from life and if this girl is really in there..

I wish you a speedy recovery and hope all goes well with you

hypervalve

How do you know that she checks your FB and email?