Sex with new BF

LegacyUser

Im currently seeing my new BF a couple of weeks. Adore him. He is just amazing head to toe. Everything is perfect except for 1 thing - the sex.
Things are going great until its time for us to have sex and then he goes a little soft. He says that he gets nervous with me because he thinks im amazing. I have told him that there is no rush, that we can just take our time and it will happen when it happens. He is insecure with his body so I dont want to automatically tell him that we need to do x, y, or z and end up making things worse.

I'm just wondering if there is anything I could do, sex wise or anything, that any of you have done in the past that has worked?

THANKs

LegacyUser

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by just reassuring him and giving him time. I'd say the more you play around without actually having sex, the more comfortable he will be, and then one day it will just happen naturally.

LegacyUser

One word.....FOREPLAY!

Before you go to bed relax a bit with a glass of wine, scented candles, and LOTS of foreplay...spend an hour on it.. or two.. set time aside to build up to the "main act"..

LegacyUser

OP here

We do foreplay... and lots of it. (but deffo with candles next time, thanks!) Thats not the issue. He is very aroused when we are doing that, and we do everything. Its literally as we are about to have sex and he just gets really nervous and loses it a bit and then the more he tries to get himself more aroused so we can have sex, the more it doesnt help.

I dunno if we should both have a few glasses of wine to see if that loosens him up a bit and hopefully he wont be so nervous around me, or if I should tell him, look, no pressure for sex at all... in fact, lets not even think about it for the next few nights and concentrate on foreplay but if at any point you wanna have sex just go for it... I was thinkin of telling him we didnt have to have sex now and whenever he isnt nervous around me we can try again but then i think the build up of not having sex might put WAY more pressure on him if/when we do have sex.

Nody

Need-Some-Lovin wrote: »

OP here

We do foreplay... and lots of it. (but deffo with candles next time, thanks!) Thats not the issue. He is very aroused when we are doing that, and we do everything. Its literally as we are about to have sex and he just gets really nervous and loses it a bit and then the more he tries to get himself more aroused so we can have sex, the more it doesnt help.

Classic case honestly; once a man goes down that route of trying to force himself hard by thinking he needs to be hard he's done for. Seriously, when this happens then go back to foreplay for a bit, use toys (if you're comfortable with them), have him make you come etc. and then ease into it again. It will take several tries but it will most likely build him up from being nervous and allow him to remain hard through out.

wildlifeman

take his knob into your mouth..suck him till he is very hard....then replace mouth with hand..keep **** him..pull him on top of you still **** him and slide his bad boy inside..he wont have time to go flacid...yee haa ride him cow girl!

LegacyUser

OP here

Thanks Nody - but he does do that. When he loses it a bit he just concentrates on me and makes me come again, even if i already have before. Its like the second we are like, ok, lets try and it just goes. I guess in time, the more we get to know eachother and the more comfortable we are around eachother hopefully it will happen. If not, I was thinkin of getting that durex vibrating ring. i heard its great!

LegacyUser

Need-Some-Lovin wrote: »

I guess in time, the more we get to know eachother and the more comfortable we are around eachother hopefully it will happen. If not, I was thinkin of getting that durex vibrating ring. i heard its great!

Yes, work on your chemistry... obviously this guy suffers from performance anxiety and as a previous poster has said, this will build up and up into a complex which will be very "hard" to overcome..pardon the pun!

A vibrating ring will not help his performance issues!

LegacyUser

Hey OP, does he where a condom? A lot of the time it will reduce sensitivity and if ye have foreplay before that without using it he will stay hard but when it comes to the main act and he puts on the condom, it can take away the feeling and along with any nerves he has he will become soft. As long as ye are both healthy and clean and you are on the pill, try doing it without a condom.

Zaph

huiioh wrote: »

As long as ye are both healthy and clean and you are on the pill, try doing it without a condom.

It should be borne in mind that the typical effectiveness of the pill on its own as a contraceptive is 92%. This rises to 99% when used in conjunction with a condom, so there are real benefits to continuing to use a condom. A condom on its own as the only contraceptive method is 85% effective.

LegacyUser

Ban penetration for two weeks.

Depending on how often you see him, of course, could ban it for ten sessions etc. Tell him, so that you can both relax, that he is not allowed to even try penetration for this length of time. And if he does make moves, move him away and tell him no.

What you cant have....

Of course if he really insists, you could allow your protests to be overcome.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I was talking to the bf last night and he said he will try to sort out his nerves and that he cares about me so much and has so many feelings for me and he doesnt wanna mess things up that makes him nervous. So we had a chat, I reassured him again. I told him there is no rush for us. That we just continue what we are doing and take it from there, that i like him a lot and that i will wait.

fingers crossed you guys!