Lads weekend away

Fiona L

Hi,

I would love some tips from people on how to cope when my bf goes away on a lads weekend next weekend. I know i will spend my time worrying, and feeling anxious and I dont want to spend my time like that. He is going with 5 other guys. I love him to pieces and I know its my own issues that have me this worried about him going away. I hate these weekends away when all he will do is drink. I hate not having much contact with him. etc

Any advice I would really appreciate

finbarrk

Try and go away somewhere yourself with girls maybe for a weekend.
If you are sure all he is going to do is drink I can't see why you are worried.

Fiona L

thanks for the reply. i worry that when hes drinking he'll lose his phone, or get into trouble, or get in a fight. I know my imagination runs wild with me! I recently started counselling to deal with these issues. Unfortunately I cant go away with the girls coz I have no babysitter for my dd. I guess I also worry that he will forget about me when hes away

girlyhappyface

I get worried for the safety of my boyf when he's on mad weekends away too, so we agree that he'll text/ ring at least X amount of times during the day. I also always ask him to ring/ text when he gets back to the hotel at the end of the night so I know when he's tucked up safe and sound!
He'll be having fun, so don't be concerned if he's not in contact a lot during the weekend. This also means that he'll be all over you when he gets home cos he'll have missed you!!!!

Fiona L

I do ask that my bf rings or texts when he gets to bed but he often just gets to bed and falls straight to sleep than im worried all the next morning till he does contact me. I know im probably being so silly about all of this

girlyhappyface

Ah look, when lads get together, they lose the run of themselves!
My boyfriend is nearly thirty and still acts like a little monkey when he's out with the lads. You're not being silly.
Speak with him and let him know you'll be worried so to try his best to remember. Even text him when the nightclubs close to remind him to phone. Don't go mad with texting cos you'll wreck his head. To be honest, I notice when I'm not in a lot of contact, my boyf rings and texts me more.

seamus

Does he make a habit of losing his phone, getting into trouble or getting into fights when he goes out on a typical night out with the lads?

If not, then what are you worrying about? A weekend away is just a series of nights out. Very little goes on that doesn't otherwise go on except that it's OK to go drinking at 2pm. What happens on a weekend away is that we get trollied the first night, don't get up till midday on the next day, have a dirty big lunch of chips and cheesey, greasy crap. Then maybe take a wander around the local area or go back to bed. Back into the pub around 4pm for a drink or two, then a big dirty, greasy dinner around 6/7pm and then back to the pub for the rest of the night.

The single guys go try to score and the attached guys stand around admiring the women, getting drunk and talking about work and their WAGs.

If he usually finds himself in trouble after drinking, then all you can do is ask him to take it easy, but you can't change his behaviour, you just have to put up with it.

girlyhappyface

From what I hear, that is exactly what goes on on a weekend away, perfect post!

seamus wrote: »

Does he make a habit of losing his phone, getting into trouble or getting into fights when he goes out on a typical night out with the lads?

If not, then what are you worrying about? A weekend away is just a series of nights out. Very little goes on that doesn't otherwise go on except that it's OK to go drinking at 2pm. What happens on a weekend away is that we get trollied the first night, don't get up till midday on the next day, have a dirty big lunch of chips and cheesey, greasy crap. Then maybe take a wander around the local area or go back to bed. Back into the pub around 4pm for a drink or two, then a big dirty, greasy dinner around 6/7pm and then back to the pub for the rest of the night.

The single guys go try to score and the attached guys stand around admiring the women, getting drunk and talking about work and their WAGs.

If he usually finds himself in trouble after drinking, then all you can do is ask him to take it easy, but you can't change his behaviour, you just have to put up with it.

Boys may get a bit boisterous cos they're away but that's what they do. Encourage him to act responsibly cos you'd like to see his pretty face again... thats how I tell my boyfriend not to go near any agro if his mates get into fights!!!

itsadeathtrap

Guys
Form a lad’s point of view; this all seems a little bit bunny boiler stuff.
He is out with the lads having a laugh (drinking messing etc), not running away with loads of women. I do feel if you keep up your crazy ideas, you'll end up driving him away, not straight away but over time it will come to a head. See it with friends before.

If you can’t go out call the girls over to yours for a night in.

Trust is very important in relationships maybe he burned you before, we don’t know but as part of the your counselling programme communicating with your partner is very important. Talk talk talk.

Best of luck.

Fiona L

thanks for the replies. I dont know why Im all in a tizzy about it now. I guess in my warped mind I think to myself he'll love the weekend with the lads that maybe he'll think to himself he wants to have that life instead of being tied to a girl

seamus

When he gets home next Sunday, have a big roast or a take away pizza on the table to sooth his dying body and he'll come running back to you every time

Stacksey

girlyhappyface wrote: »

Ah look, when lads get together, they lose the run of themselves!
My boyfriend is nearly thirty and still acts like a little monkey when he's out with the lads. You're not being silly.
Speak with him and let him know you'll be worried so to try his best to remember. Even text him when the nightclubs close to remind him to phone. Don't go mad with texting cos you'll wreck his head. To be honest, I notice when I'm not in a lot of contact, my boyf rings and texts me more.

This is the reason so many relationships dont work because at the end of the day women are physcos, for crying out loud he's going away for a bloody weekend with friends, get over it, he has a life you know? your relationship has no chance the way your going on here, "remind him to phone" when the nightclub closes????? why???

ztoical

Stacksey wrote: »

"remind him to phone" when the nightclub closes????? why???

+ 1 I really don't understand people who do this, what are you going to talk about at 3am...'hello honey, I'm drunk and alive.....I lurveeeeeeeee your *vomit sound*..........good night!' awww lovely!

No offence OP but your BF could get into trouble at any time not just on a lads weekend, loose his phone at any time...he could be hit by a bus on the way to work, it's really not worth getting all caught up in worrying about cus you'll never be able to function.

Would like to stand up for my fellow women and say I know some guys who do this. Had one male friend stay with me a few years back when I lived in the states and he called the GF 20 times a day at least. Ever place we went to he rang to say were he was and there was a 5 hour time difference! He must have spent $100 in 4 days on phone call cards. I'm amazed she didn't have the police waiting to arrest him for staking when he got home, it was really insane.

girlyhappyface

The OP is obviously very worried about her boyfriend going away and the lack of contact. If he is the type to get into fights cos he's so hammered, well then she is right to worry about him.
She asks him to phone before bed, sometimes he doesn't cos he's drunk and falls asleep, therefore she worries all night. This could then cause unnecessary stress and strain on them when they do speak cos she'll be giving out about the lack of contact.
If she sends him a jokey text asking how he's getting on/ checkin in at the end of the night, this may relieve the stress.
All it is doing is encouraging communication.
Your partner may be okay with not hearing from you from one day to the next, but the OP isn't okay with that. She asked for advice on how to cope, I gave advice.

It's nothing to do with trust- I trust my boyfriend completely, but if he's away with the lads, getting fu**ed and I haven't heard from him for a whole day, I worry. But that's me, and our relationship, as we are constant texters! It's different for every couple.

Stacksey

girlyhappyface wrote: »

The OP is obviously very worried about her boyfriend going away and the lack of contact. If he is the type to get into fights cos he's so hammered, well then she is right to worry about him.
She asks him to phone before bed, sometimes he doesn't cos he's drunk and falls asleep, therefore she worries all night. This could then cause unnecessary stress and strain on them when they do speak cos she'll be giving out about the lack of contact.
If she sends him a jokey text asking how he's getting on/ checkin in at the end of the night, this may relieve the stress.
All it is doing is encouraging communication.
Your partner may be okay with not hearing from you from one day to the next, but the OP isn't okay with that. She asked for advice on how to cope, I gave advice.

It's nothing to do with trust- I trust my boyfriend completely, but if he's away with the lads, getting fu**ed and I haven't heard from him for a whole day, I worry. But that's me, and our relationship, as we are constant texters! It's different for every couple.

Bullshi*t, of course its all to do with trust, "jealousy will destroy us" to quote from a song, for christ sake he's not 12 years of age

LegacyUser

girlyhappyface wrote: »

The OP is obviously very worried about her boyfriend going away and the lack of contact. If he is the type to get into fights cos he's so hammered, well then she is right to worry about him.
She asks him to phone before bed, sometimes he doesn't cos he's drunk and falls asleep, therefore she worries all night. This could then cause unnecessary stress and strain on them when they do speak cos she'll be giving out about the lack of contact.
If she sends him a jokey text asking how he's getting on/ checkin in at the end of the night, this may relieve the stress.
All it is doing is encouraging communication.
Your partner may be okay with not hearing from you from one day to the next, but the OP isn't okay with that. She asked for advice on how to cope, I gave advice.

It's nothing to do with trust- I trust my boyfriend completely, but if he's away with the lads, getting fu**ed and I haven't heard from him for a whole day, I worry. But that's me, and our relationship, as we are constant texters! It's different for every couple.

I'm with you completely. Every relationship is different so no-one can go and call the OP a psycho for worrying! I'm a guy and if my girl is away on a weekend with the girls, I worry and expect her to text or ring me at bedtime so I know she is back safe in her hotel and not out on her own on the street/separated from the group or such. It's common courtesy, and perfectly acceptable in a relationship where there is regular contact anyway.

But like I said, each relationship is different so it's best not to judge someone in these scenarios.

girlyhappyface

Stacksey wrote: »

Bullshi*t, of course its all to do with trust, "jealousy will destroy us" to quote from a song, for christ sake he's not 12 years of age

You may go out and have a few quiet drinks, then go home, but the OP seems genuinely concerned about the SAFETY of her boyfriend (drinkin too much, getting into fights). We don't know what sort of drunk he is, she does.

She came on here looking for advice, not for you to call her (and me) and every other woman psychos! I gave advice. You don't seem to be helping at all!

RedXIV

Lets be honest here. If he's going for a weekend away, he's gonna go out on the lash pretty much step by step as Seamus described. OP i know you are worried and all that, but I would like to voice the opinion too of other guys here, albeit, not as strongly that if he only gets a weekend away every few months to forget about everything, let him. I know sending a text might seem like an innocent action but then he'll think that he has to keep a conversation going or he needs to behave or something else that his drunken mind can conjure. Boys will be boys and as Seamus also pointed out, if he comes home to a nice dinner and warm welcoming girlfriend, he'll ALWAYS come back.

Maybe go visit someone with the kids? Or plan a big day out?

itsadeathtrap

Completely disagree with the above, the OP is getting advice, she and you might not like what is been said but she asked a question.
girlyhappyface you stated you and your bf are constant texters but that kind of stuff really goes right out the window on lads weekends. We (lads) don’t head off every weekend and when we do we don’t like having to check in every hour on the hour. Its once in a bluemoon for feck sake.
Trust in your man.

ztoical

itsadeathtrap wrote: »

Completely disagree with the above, the OP is getting advice, she and you might not like what is been said but she asked a question.
girlyhappyface you stated you and your bf are constant texters but that kind of stuff really goes right out the window on lads weekends. We (lads) don’t head off every weekend and when we do we don’t like having to check in every hour on the hour. Its once in a bluemoon for feck sake.
Trust in your man.

+ 1 OP unless there's a really really really good reason to worry for him [did he go away for a lads weekend before and end up in hospital or jail?] then relax and enjoy a few days to yourself. I'd feel better if I didn't hear from him as it means he's having fun with the lads. He's off with friends for a weekend not driving around Iraq on his own so relax.

hybridmouse

Stacksey wrote: »

Bullshi*t, of course its all to do with trust, "jealousy will destroy us" to quote from a song, for christ sake he's not 12 years of age

Tooooootally agree with this!! He's an adult man, you say you trust him...leave him be. You sound very insecure OP that one weekend away with the lads will mean that he suddenly will want to drop you.

Maybe if you step back, leave him to enjoy his time with his mates and don't do the concerned Mammy bit, he will be able to enjoy his freedom AND his relationship.

If my own BF started mothering me and telling me how worried he was everytime I went away for the weekend I'd crack. Please don't go down the road of texting him and making him check in with you while he's away or in a nightclub. He's a big boy, he can cope without you for a couple of days and you should be able to cope without him.

Ticktactoe

itsadeathtrap wrote: »

Guys
Form a lad’s point of view; this all seems a little bit bunny boiler stuff.
He is out with the lads having a laugh (drinking messing etc), not running away with loads of women. I do feel if you keep up your crazy ideas, you'll end up driving him away, not straight away but over time it will come to a head. See it with friends before.

If you can’t go out call the girls over to yours for a night in.

Trust is very important in relationships maybe he burned you before, we don’t know but as part of the your counselling programme communicating with your partner is very important. Talk talk talk.

Best of luck.

I think it works both ways.
The OP may have some insecurities with this area and her BF needs to be a little sensitive and reassuring towards her. If its a case that his reassurance does not work over a period of time, then I would say it maybe a bit 'bunny boiler'.

A little give and take...

THEZAPPA

sounds to me like your worried about him doing something stupid, maybe cheating on you?

I have the same anxiety problems when it comes to my boyfriend but
All you can do is not to worry, if anything bad happens to him its not up to you to be his mother(not trying to sound harsh).

If he gets so drunk and all that and gets hurt then its his problem, not yours, as you wont be there and you aren't his mother.

I know how you feel about not getting contact from your boyfriend, but you'll just have to keep yourself busy by hanging out with friends or doing something you enjoy to keep your mind of him...even if its only for a few minutes

Just relax..what will happen will happen and you can't stop it. Just enjoy your weekend.

Also he won't forget about you, your worth more than to think he will. Just stop thinking of the what if's and all that...you'll drive yourself insane

Hope it works out

Stacksey

Can you imagine if you where living in america and he decided to join the army and was sent to afghanistan

LighterGuy

When a parter goes away on a lads-only (or girls-only) holiday. The partner will naturally feel uneasy and insecure. Its natural. And its not about "oh he is drinking" as some girls have issues with their bf's doing so :rolleyes: .. its about being unfaithful. lets be honest.
But I think alot of it is depending on certain factors. Where is this holiday to? If its a weekend down in cork - I would feel ok. If it was a week long trip with the "girls" to Ibiza? yeah. I'd be worried as the boyfriend.


How many partners have cheated on these holidays? (Ibiza and the like) Even people who thought they wouldnt of cheated have done so (its a whole different story when faced in the moment, especially since its in another country with less-chances of it ever being found out)

The op states this is a lads-weekend. So it sounds more like a fun weekend. There is always a chance of cheating but it doesnt scream of it.

Personally, If my girlfriend said she was going away for the weekend with the girls. Sure I would worry. But if she said she was going to a place like Ibiza? well then I would have to be with a girl for a long period of time before I would fully trust her when shes over there. And even then ... you wouldnt know. She still could. But its not like you can turn around and forbid the partner to go over. Its just one of those things. I dont care if I get blasted for this one but I would go as far as to say that the majority of people who has a partner and does these "lads-only" or "girls-only" holidays to a sunny resort will be unfaithful. (It just screams of it)

Stacksey

LighterGuy wrote: »

When a parter goes away on a lads-only (or girls-only) holiday. The partner will naturally feel uneasy and insecure. Its natural. And its not about "oh he is drinking" as some girls have issues with their bf's doing so :rolleyes: .. its about being unfaithful. lets be honest.
But I think alot of it is depending on certain factors. Where is this holiday to? If its a weekend down in cork - I would feel ok. If it was a week long trip with the "girls" to Ibiza? yeah. I'd be worried as the boyfriend.


How many partners have cheated on these holidays? (Ibiza and the like) Even people who thought they wouldnt of cheated have done so (its a whole different story when faced in the moment, especially since its in another country with less-chances of it ever being found out)

The op states this is a lads-weekend. So it sounds more like a fun weekend. There is always a chance of cheating but it doesnt scream of it.

Personally, If my girlfriend said she was going away for the weekend with the girls. Sure I would worry. But if she said she was going to a place like Ibiza? well then I would have to be with a girl for a long period of time before I would fully trust her when shes over there. And even then ... you wouldnt know. She still could. But its not like you can turn around and forbid the partner to go over. Its just one of those things. I dont care if I get blasted for this one but I would go as far as to say that the majority of people who has a partner and does these "lads-only" or "girls-only" holidays to a sunny resort will be unfaithful. (It just screams of it)

LighterGuy your after ruining us all

Neyite

OP,
firstly, fair play that you are working on your insecurities and getting counselling- that takes guts to do.

You say that you are working with it and its your insecurities - so tell him this. exactly the way you worded it here. eg:
' i know its my problem, and im working on it, and i know im worrying about your weekend away unnecessarily. i trust you, but it would make me really happy and stop worrying about you if you text me once in the evening when you are away.'

that way you are not telling him to 'check in' as such, you are just asking him to be considerate of how you are coping back home.

Fittle

seamus wrote: »

The single guys go try to score and the attached guys stand around admiring the women, getting drunk and talking about work and their WAGs.

With respect, only a man would say this about a lads weekend away! I've been in pubs and clubs when the 'lads' on their 'weekend away' were there, and there are very few of the attached ones who do nothing other than 'talk about work and their WAGS!!'

Just my experience, and I'm not saying that the OP's boyfriend is going to stray on his weekend away, but you make it sound like the attached lads are angels!

Anyway OP, my advice on this weekend away would be to keep yourself busy - meet with friends, drop into family etc - just do anything to keep yourself distracted. If it's only a weekend, it won't be long till he's back, so it should fly. If you haven't got a sitter to get out yourself, invite some friends over and have a drink or two. It will go past in no time.

seamus

Fittle wrote: »

Just my experience, and I'm not saying that the OP's boyfriend is going to stray on his weekend away, but you make it sound like the attached lads are angels!

Let's put it another way; I've never been on a lads' weekend where the attached men went chasing tail. At worst they would stand in as wingman for one of the single lads, or the entire group would chat to a group of women with the aim of getting the single lads in there.

This conversation was had on here a few weeks ago, but cheating seems to be a group thing with both men and women - it's either accepted in the group and most of the group do it, or it's not accepted at all and none or few of the group do it.

If the OP's boyfriend's mates are the kinds of guys who are constantly cheating on their partners, then she has cause to be concerned. Otherwise, she doesn't need to worry.

The Recliner

Stacksey wrote: »

Can you imagine if you where living in america and he decided to join the army and was sent to afghanistan

Stacksey wrote: »

LighterGuy your after ruining us all

Unhelpful and off topic posts are against the PI charter

Please read it again before posting

cafecolour

seamus wrote: »

If not, then what are you worrying about? A weekend away is just a series of nights out. Very little goes on that doesn't otherwise go on except that it's OK to go drinking at 2pm. What happens on a weekend away is that we get trollied the first night, don't get up till midday on the next day, have a dirty big lunch of chips and cheesey, greasy crap. Then maybe take a wander around the local area or go back to bed. Back into the pub around 4pm for a drink or two, then a big dirty, greasy dinner around 6/7pm and then back to the pub for the rest of the night.

Great summary. Having worked a resident hotel bar for about 3 years, this is what 90% of the lads are up to (even on a stag!). Just getting blasted and talking ****e with each other. It mostly just degenerates to drunken sing alongs at 3 am and then passing out. Even most of the fights are minor intra-group scuffles that get sorted in a few minutes.

Sleepy

I'd second everything seamus said.

The worst thing I've encountered on a lads weekend was actually done by myself when I got so drunk I was convinced the flight home was 2 hours later than it actually was and set my alarm for the departure time!

Fiona L

Hi All,

Thanks for all the replies. Im glad that everyone thinks im nuts for worrying coz it has definitly reassured me!!! Like I said in my OP I am the one with the issues. I am addressing this by going to counselling. I think that the counsellor feels I am with the wrong person so this has thrown up some issues too. I guess my bf has gone away and lost his phone and not contacted but this seems to be just a drink thing. I have been in some really bad relationships and have no self esteem and at times feel that Im not worth loving. Because of this worries I end up convincing myself my bf will wake up and smell the coffee and not want to be with me. Anyways like I said these are all my worries and I should just relax on Thursday when he heads off and make sure when he calls to my house Sunday night or Monday night that I welcome him home with some TLC

consultech

girlyhappyface wrote: »

Ah look, when lads get together, they lose the run of themselves!
My boyfriend is nearly thirty and still acts like a little monkey when he's out with the lads. You're not being silly.
Speak with him and let him know you'll be worried so to try his best to remember. Even text him when the nightclubs close to remind him to phone. Don't go mad with texting cos you'll wreck his head. To be honest, I notice when I'm not in a lot of contact, my boyf rings and texts me more.

???

Here's a mad idea: How's about just trusting your significant others? No? If you don't trust them, you should break up with them.

I think a lot of people are missing the point here. She's not really worrying he'll cheat, it seems that she's worried for his safety. I would be the same. My BF isn't a violent drunk or anything, but I worry someone will start on him (you know how those horrible resort places are) or he'll get hurt. Last time he went on a lads weekend he ended up in hospital getting stitches so it's not entirely unfounded. I just like to hear from him so I know he's OK, even if it's a quick text before bed. I would be very annoyed if someone considered me a bunny boiler for that. Likewise, when I go away with friends, he expects me to text now and again so he knows everything is OK. It's normal, IMO.

seenitall

Fiona L wrote: »

I am the one with the issues. I am addressing this by going to counselling. I think that the counsellor feels I am with the wrong person so this has thrown up some issues too.

Hmmmm... if your counsellor feels you are with the wrong person, and if you are committed to undergoing therapy with that particular counsellor... I'd say you have some bigger worries than lads' weekends away...

IrishEyes19

I know it's hard, OP, but you might have to take a backseat this weekend and let him off with the lads, even though I know its perfectly natural to be there wondering what he'll be up to. But its a lad's weekend, sounds like ciggerettes, a ton of Alcohol, fast food, late nights and bed till noon.

The only sane option is to trust him. If you call him a lot, he will most likely feel very irritated and if he isn't, chances he will be teased by his friends with the "whipped" card. Dont like that phrase myself, but its a given fact it may be used. If I were you, I'd perhaps leave him a text in the early evenings perhaps, wishing him a nice day, hope he enjoys the night ahead with the lads, that your thinking of him and for him to mind himself. And that way he knows he doesnt have to be in touch all night and annoy the lads by texting and secondly that his gf appreciates that he needs his space.

Hope it goes well for you!!!

wildlifeman

whats the worst that can happen? I have been on several stags over the years. most of the attached lads try to get their hole. or one i was on the lads all chipped in for a hooker for a present. they may do drugs and drink alot. i lost my jacket and my phone in amsterdam. forgot where the hotel was. had to sleep in the street.

consultech

My 2 cents on lads holidays and possessiveness are as follows OP:


1) I don't buy women making the kind of noises in this thread, then claiming: "It's not unfaithfulness I'm worried about. I'm just so worried about him getting hurt or something".

Seriously? Pull the other one. I don't like this euphamisticly controlling rationalisation at all.

OP and the agreeing posters: We are all in relationships with self-sufficient adults I'm presuming? Has he recently had a lobotomy and you are concerned that he doesn't have his prescribed minder with him? How does he dress himself in the morning and get to work without you? This is such tenuous rationale for possessiveness. Are you all really into men that need minding in public???

2) Trust wins the day.

That applies to faithfulness and just him generally acting responsibly. You are not with the right person if you do not trust him. Simple as... and if you "trust" him, and he still acts like a 14 year old who is drunk down the field, then why are you with him?

3) If he is ever going to cheat, you cannot stop it, whether it's a lads weekend, or drinks with people after work, it'll happen eventually if he has it in him. Relationships are a gamble, and you back that you have built something sturdy enough to withstand temptation; Whether that be the blonde at the bar, or him blowing you off for an all-night Call of Duty session with the lads. So you're just killing yourself with worry, and potentially damaging your relationship trying to control it.

(3 is potentially non-relevant to you OP, and I hope it is, and I am of course assuming that you have no grounds to question his faithfulness to you)

LegacyUser

wildlifeman wrote: »

whats the worst that can happen? I have been on several stags over the years. most of the attached lads try to get their hole. or one i was on the lads all chipped in for a hooker for a present. they may do drugs and drink alot. i lost my jacket and my phone in amsterdam. forgot where the hotel was. had to sleep in the street.

you and your friends are a disgrace. you give men a bad name and are part of the problem and
what goes around comes around.

OP , my man wouldn't dream of doing any of what this poster says or does.
took me a while to get used to him going to Dublin to see his best mate but I can relax now knowing that the relationship and me is what he wants. He wouldn't dream of going off with anyone else.

If he does then there's not much I can do about it, at the end of the day if things don't work out there is plenty more lovely men out there.

if you smell a rat then he probably is..

LegacyUser

OP. Your BF should be fine once he's away once he's been faithful until now.

Drop him the odd text over the weekend saying you're thinking of him and can't wait to see him...oh and make the night before he goes away one he'll never forget :P

Fiona L

Hi All,

Thanks for all the replies. He's gone on the weekend away so it will be Monday probably before I see him. He did tell me he loves me and will be home to me so I guess I really am going to have to try and stop feeling so anxious. He has never cheated on me so its not that that I worry about.

I have been in an abusive relationship prior to this with my dd's ex. My self esteem is at an all time low. I guess the fact that I have found a man that is nice and kind to me and who is great with my dd still shocks me! In my head I dont deserve a nice man, In my head I think he will go away for these few days and realise he doesn't really want me. His drinking on these weekends away worry me but I think that's just part of being with the lads. As I said to him before he left these are all the reasons I have started counselling so I stop my imagination going wild. All I can do is hope he can contact me over the weekend that he has phone reception and that he can charge his phone too

pollypocket10

Stacksey wrote: »

Can you imagine if you where living in america and he decided to join the army and was sent to afghanistan

Or Ireland and was sent to tChad :rolleyes: seriously no relevance.

OP in a previous relationship my ex would go away for lads weekends a couple of times a year, he went to strip clubs, cheated, got into fights, got arrested, you name it. I once had to book a flight for him to fly home from a different country to the one he was visiting because he was so pissed he somehow got on the wrong train.


When my now OH went away for weekends early on I would get anxious but I knew that he had done nothing to deserve this distrust so I put it to the back of my mind. I arranged things to do, whether it was seeing my friends or having a pampering session or even just watching some movies and having a takeaway and would turn my phone off at night time, who wants to be up waiting for a drunken phone call or worrying when it doesn't come (even then the most likely explanation is that he is drunk and sleepy and conked out in bed.)

I don't get anxious at all now, in fact I know look forward to the me time. Not so much when he does have to go away for long stretches with the army but that is just because I miss him so much.